


Beautiful Mess

by icanbeurbestbet



Series: Beautiful Mess AU [1]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, BDSM, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:35:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 49,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27196583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icanbeurbestbet/pseuds/icanbeurbestbet
Summary: After a traumatic childhood accident that took her parents and left her disfigured, Claire moves to Edinburgh for University and is introduced to a world like no other. She dives right in and hits the ground running but has a lot to learn and little time to do it in.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Frank Randall, Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser, Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser/Lord John Grey, Claire Beauchamp/Laoghaire MacKenzie, Claire Beauchamp/Lord John Grey, Claire Beauchamp/Louise de La Tour, Claire Beauchamp/Louise de La Tour/Lord John Grey, Claire Beauchamp/Louise de La Tour/Lord John Grey/Jamie Fraser, Geneva Dunsany/Annalise de Marillac/Jamie Fraser
Series: Beautiful Mess AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985384
Comments: 110
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am of the go big or go home mentality. I have a terrible tendency of throwing myself in the deep end with firsts. Why ease into something instead of jumping face first into the fiery pits.
> 
> All of this is to say that this is my first ever fan fiction. I have never shown my writing to anyone before. Please be gentle. Please remember I’m a person and not perfect. Please give me constructive feedback. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. We all make choices and this is mine.
> 
> This is a multi-arc story with pairings that people may not like at all. That’s fine, you don’t have to. Basically every character is poly and bi. I subscribe to the love is love mentality.
> 
> Okay, here goes nothing. I hope you enjoy. Updates will be once a week. The first arc is still being worked on but I'm tired of waiting so here goes nothing. Buckle up for angst, lots of smut, trauma, and a story that is always about love. 
> 
> Oh and for the sake of story-telling, any piercings performed in the story require minimal to no healing time and never have issues. This is not the case in real life, most mentioned piercings require almost a year of heal time. I am not patient enough in my story-telling for that.

Claire had been exposed to loss and heartache at a young age when her parents died when she was 5. She was in the backseat when a drunk driver slammed into the car, killing her parents on impact, and a faulty-seatbelt caused her to be thrown from the car, skid across the asphalt, and slam into another car. 

Claire had a skull fracture, brain bleed, broken ribs, a shattered femur, and a torn up back. She spent the next 2 years fighting for her life in the hospital undergoing surgery on her brain, leg, skin grafts for her back, and physical therapy. Her dads 25 year old archaeologist brother, Lamb, dropped everything he was doing to be by her side. He stopped working in the field and took up a professorship at Oxford to become her guardian.

When Claire was finally given a clean bill of health, she and Lamb went on the adventure of a lifetime. They traveled the world going to dig after dig until she was 11. Lamb decided it was time to put her in boarding school in Northern England because he felt she needed stability and a proper education. Claire would still visit him on breaks but their relationship slowly deteriorated. She felt abandoned and alone since she didn’t even have friends in school. They made fun of her bit of a limp at the end of a long day and the fact that she wore hoodies year round. She kept to herself, read true crime books, listened to shitty emo music, and considered going to therapy. 

When she was 15 a new girl started at the school and Claire was instantly drawn to her. Her name was Laoghaire and she had been sent to the boarding school as a last resort after being kicked out of school in Scotland. They started spending time together and one day she kissed Claire. Claire was surprised but it wasn’t unwelcome. She was nervous about it escalating since she hadn’t told her about her scars but she decided to throw caution to the wind. One night after a particularly heavy make out session, Laoghaire tried to take it further. Claire pushed her away and told her of her past, Laoghaire seemed understanding about it and went to take off Claire’s shirt. When Claire turned around to show her back Laoghaire said the worst possible thing, “Wow, that’s too much. I canna do this.” 

She went to leave while Claire tried to stop her. She begged her to stay, she told her she’d leave her shirt on, she’d never have to see it again. Laoghaire wouldn’t listen and wrenched her arm from Claire. “Claire, I just canna. It’s too much, lass. Ye are too broken.” Laoghaire wasted no time telling the rest of the school about it either. Claire was devastated and fell into a black pit. She started to burn her wrists, she didn’t want to die, she just wanted to control her pain. She could hurt herself more than Laoghaire ever could. 

When she was 17, Lamb was declared dead after a dig collapsed and Claire’s world once again turned upside down. She was truly alone at this point and the kids at school were even more brutal to her as her depression dipped even lower than before. She struggled every day to climb out of bed, shower, and do her work. She ended up giving herself a 3rd degree burn and finally went to a therapist for help. They worked together on her triggers and started medication to help with the depression. The only thing keeping her holding on was the dream of leaving for university. 

Towards the end of the school year she got the letter accepting her into The Plant Sciences program in Edinburgh, finally something good was happening. She was beyond elated and immediately started researching the area for work. She was going to stay in student housing for the first year until she got her feet wet and had saved up her own money. She had money from her parents, the accident, and Lamb but she didn’t want to rely on that, she wanted to make her own path. She was worried about having a roommate but knew it was only for a year, she could handle that. 

When she moved to Edinburgh at the beginning of summer she went and looked at all the flower and herb shops she had researched. The Flower Cart was quaint, close to the school, and they were perfectly fine with her school schedule too. They even had a furnished room for rent on top of the shop that Claire stayed in until housing on campus opened up. When she got her first paycheck she got a small yarrow tattoo on the back of her neck just above her scars, her hoodie or hair would cover it and no one needed to know. The next thing she did was get her lip pierced, she relished the pain and was constantly fiddling with it. She chose to have it off to the side because she wasn’t particularly fond of the middle ones.

Classes started and she soon realized that she was capable of making friends. Louise was 2 years older than her and studying to be a nurse. She was gorgeous and blonde with tattoos down her arms and a cluster of piercings in each ear. Joe was a transfer from Boston and was studying to be a doctor, he had beautiful, brown skin and brown eyes; he kept her sane during difficult times. John, the posh brown-haired Brit, was practically joined at the hip with Louise and studying to be a lawyer, he had a few visible tattoos and a pierced nostril. They all bonded quickly over being away from home in a land full of Scots. 

One night they were all out at a pub and started talking about piercings. Louise told them she had several but Claire only saw her ears and raised an eyebrow at her friend. Louise gestured to her breasts and pointed to her crotch while winking. 

“Wait.... really Louise?!” Claire shouted at her excitedly. “How much did they hurt?”

“The nips hurt more than the other to be honest. The other was, well, quite pleasant.” Louise said and she shivered a bit as she recalled the feeling.

“I have an apadravya, a guiche, and a pubic piercing,” supplied John, feeling slightly jealous that he wasn’t being included in the conversation.

“Wot.” Claire deadpanned as she stared at John.

John laughed and said, “The first is a vertical piercing through the glans of the penis and provides better g-spot stimulation. The pubic one is at the top and helps with clitoral stimulation and the last is... well for me and behind the balls.” He added a wink for good measure.

Claire blushed, she had no clue how they could be so open talking about all this, “Why do you have so many for female stimulation if you’re gay?” 

“Nope, I’m bi, you’ve just only seen me with guys.” 

Claire checked on Joe, who had been silent for this whole exchange. She discovered that he had fallen asleep at the table. They realized they would have to carry him home so they decided to get an Uber to take them to John and Louise’s flat. 

It took all 3 of them to get Joe upstairs and situated in the guest room with a bottle of water and painkillers for the morning. After that was settled they went into the living room where John opened a bottle of wine and grabbed 3 glasses from the kitchen. 

She turned to Louise and said, “I’ve always wanted to get my nipples pierced, I’ve just been too afraid I guess.”

“You should definitely go to our piercer at _Craiceann_ ,” said Louise while John nodded vigorously pouring the wine.

“We should take her tomorrow night since we're working anyway, do you think she could handle it?” John asked Louise.

"Hmmm... _Oui_ , I think she'll be a little surprised but we'll never know unless we try." Louise said confidently. 

Claire took a sip of her wine as she listened to them talk around her, she had absolutely no idea what they were going on about and piped up, "I'm free tomorrow night, should I call and make an appointment or just show up?"

John gave Louise a look and said, "No, you won't need an appointment and we'll handle the cost.”

Louise went over to the couch and sat down. Claire followed suit while John sat in an overstuffed armchair. "So, underneath the tattoo shop is a club of sorts. It's invitation only and very private. That is where John and I work on the weekends. We've been considering bringing you with us but didn't really know how to bring it up."

"What kind of club is it exactly?"

John set down his glass and settled his elbows on his knees, "It's a BDSM club. We're dancers and sometimes participate in play scenes."

Claire's eyes went wide and she looked quickly between the two with her mouth hanging open. "I never would have guessed that this was a thing that you would even be into, I'm so confused. Interested but confused. Please explain more."

Louise chuckled and said, "There's subs, Doms, and switches. I am a sub and John is a switch, which basically means he does both roles. It really just depends on the person, he's usually a Dom but there's a few people he'll sub for."

"So what does a sub and Dom do exactly?" Claire asked.

Louise gestured to John to take over since he had more experience with it, "A Dom is a Dominant and they're they kind of 'control' the scene or the person. The sub is the submissive and they're the ones that are 'serving' the Dom. While it may seem like the sub is giving up control, they really have a lot of control over a scene as they can put a stop to it at any time. The Dom has to respect the safe words, if they don't they could damage their relationship and even lose their standing in the scene depending on the severity of it. They can just do scenes at clubs, a 24/7 relationship, bedroom only, or some combination of it. If it's outside the club it's discussed and agreed upon through a contract. At the club there are scenes that happen out in the open, private rooms with or without viewing rooms, as well as little alcoves."

"I see, what kinds of scenes take place at the club?" Claire asked.

"There's a variety of things and it really just depends on who is wanting to play. There's impact play which includes flogging, whips, or paddles. There's bondage which can be anything from rope play, the sub in that is called a rope bunny and the Dom is a rigger, to the Saint Andrews Cross. There's primal play which is a predator/play type of thing. There's really a lot going on. They do piercings and tattoos as well, there's a shop that has some different kink items for sale. The private rooms have more sexual stuff like edging, clamps, and stuff like that. Each area has cleaning supplies so that the Dom can clean after the scene. There's also a chill out room which has a couch, fridge, candy, tons of pillows, blankets, and such so that after a scene the aftercare can take place."

"Aftercare?"

"After a scene the sub needs to be looked after so they don't have a massive drop since their endorphins are up. It depends on the sub really. Louise likes cuddles and chocolate. I like my back to be rubbed and cold water. Everyone is different. Some just want to be alone in a blanket and some are fine with no aftercare, though that is rare."

Louise had been sitting quietly while John explained and grabbed Claire's hand to get her to focus on her, "In your sexual history have you liked more aggressive or rough sex?"

Claire immediately went bright red, "I don't have a sexual history, I'm a virgin. I went to an all-girls boarding school and everyone avoided me. I didn't even have friends before uni."

Louise was shocked, "It might not be a great idea for her to come to the club right away then. We can do the piercings at the shop before the club opens. I don't want to scar the poor girl before she's even experienced anything."

"No," Claire shouted, "It's not going to scar me. I've always gotten some sort of pleasure from pain, I just didn't know it was a thing really. It's not that I'm saving myself for anyone in particular, I just haven't had the opportunity to.” She took a shaky breath and decided it was time to share with her friends her biggest shame. “There’s something I need to tell you." 

Claire took a big gulp of her wine, tucked her feet under her legs, and got comfortable while she tried to figure out how to do this. She had never told anyone about her accident since she didn’t have friends before. John gave Louise a confused look and Louise shrugged but settled in as well.

“When I was 5 my parents and I were in a car accident. They died on impact and I was thrown from the vehicle. I spent the next 2 years in the hospital. My left femur was shattered and I used to have a slight limp when I used that leg too much but it’s mostly gone now I think. It hasn’t happened in a few years,” she took another sip of her wine and a deep breath, the easy part was done. “When I was thrown from the car I skidded across the pavement on my back before hitting another car, my back was a mess and I couldn’t lay on it for almost 6 months. They took skin grafts from my right thigh and belly to fix the worse spots but otherwise it’s pretty gruesome and other than doctors the only other person who saw it was my girlfriend in school. When she saw it, she broke up with me and told the whole school I was a monster.”

Claire stood up and unzipped her faithful hoodie. She turned around so her back was to them and took her shirt off to show her scarred back. Louise gasped and said, “oh _mon cherie.”_

Claire turned around to show them her stomach scars from the skin grafts and surgeries she had undergone. They weren’t as noticeable but they were still there. John stood and went to her, “Sweet Claire, you’re beautiful.” 

Claire laughed and said, “I mean compared to Deadpool I’m as smooth as a baby’s bottom.”

He grabbed her chin to make her look him in the eye and said, “Your scars are part of you. You’re strong and brave and beautiful.” He cupped her cheek and she leaned into it as tears fell down her face. He wiped her tears and lifted her chin again to kiss her. It took Claire by surprise but she quickly returned the kiss. He swiped his tongue across her lips and she opened her mouth for him to deepen it. He took the shirt from her and dropped it on the floor as he grabbed her hip and pulled her close to him, his other hand sank into the curls at the nape of her neck.

Suddenly Claire felt lips on her neck and realized Louise had joined them. She pulled back from John and rested against his shoulder to catch her breath and process what the hell was happening.

Louise moved her chin to her and kissed her on the mouth, her lips were soft and her tongue gentle. It was different but not unpleasant to John’s slight scruff and aggressive tongue. Emotions were swirling all through Claire but she decided to push them away and just let go. 

Claire grabbed Louise by the back of the neck and pulled her closer. Louise moved her hand to Claire’s back and unhooked her bra, John pushed it down her arms and it joined her shirt on the floor. John took one of her nipples in his mouth and sucked gently, Claire moaned into Louise’s mouth and pulled away again. Louise took her other nipple in her mouth and Claire dropped her head back. They were holding her up so she wouldn’t collapse. 

John kissed down her belly and sank to his knees. He looked up at Claire asking for permission and she nodded. He unbuttoned her jeans and continued kissing her hips and thighs as he pulled them down. She was standing in just her underwear and gasping for breath. John kissed back up her body and captured her lips again. Louise broke off of Claire’s breast and said, “mine or yours John?”

John grabbed Claire’s thighs and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and grabbed Louise’s hand to pull her with them. John stopped outside his door with Claire against the wall and Louise at his back, he slipped his hand in her underwear and through her folds, she was already wet. He raised his hand to Louise’s mouth and she sucked his fingers clean with a moan. Claire whimpered and begged. Louise slid underneath her, unbuttoned and removed John’s pants and underwear and took him in her mouth. He was still kissing and fingering Claire “Louise. Bedroom. Now.”

Louise pulled away with a ‘pop’ and said, _“Faîtes-moi,”_ before taking him back into her mouth and hollowing out her cheeks.

 _“Chaton,_ I swear to fucking god, if you don’t get your ass up and get in the bedroom you’ll be the only one not coming tonight,” John practically yelled at her. 

Louise immediately released his dick and crawled away from the wall, “ _Qui,_ _Maître_.”

John pulled Claire closer to him, stepped out of his pants, and went into his room. He set Claire on the dresser and said, “do **not** move an inch,” and he turned to Louise with fire in his eyes. He stripped her quickly and aggressively while she giggled, “When are you going to learn to stop being such a brat, _chaton_?”

“When you stop getting off on it... _Maître,”_ Louise quipped back as he turned her towards the bed.

“On your back. Now.” John said as he went to his nightstand. He removed two pairs of padded leather handcuffs and attached them to her wrists and the bed. He grabbed another pair and did the same to her ankles. She was spread eagle and smiling. He crawled up to her and put his mouth to her center, he sucked her clit and slid two fingers inside her. She was thrashing, pulling on the handcuffs and moaning. The heat curled in her belly and she was so close to release when John pulled away. Louise whined and begged for him to return but he slid off the bed and looked over at Claire. She had remained on the dresser watching everything happen and was so turned on she had soaked through her underwear, she had slipped her hand in her underwear and lazily rubbed her clit.

John walked over to her and took a nipple in his mouth and grabbed her wrist that was in her underwear, he brought her fingers to his lips and finally tasted her. He moaned and kissed down her belly again and looked up at her, once again asking for her consent. Claire nodded and lifted her ass off the dresser so he could slide her underwear down. He peppered gentle kisses where the skin graft and surgery scars were on her thighs, Claire leaned back on her hands watching him as he set her knees on his shoulders and pulled her towards his mouth. Her mouth fell open when he kissed her clit and slowly licked her folds. He had been aggressive and rough with Louise but he was being too sweet and gentle with her. She shifted her hips to get closer to his mouth to increase the friction, he started sucking on her clit hard and slid two fingers inside her but instead of teasing he did a come hither quickly pulled an orgasm out of her. She screamed his name as he continued to suck her and rub inside her until she was no longer shaking. Her head had fallen back on the wall and she was panting heavily.

John kissed her belly and stood up to remove his shirt. Claire reached for him and he nuzzled her neck then claimed her mouth again, she could taste herself on him, it only made her want more. He grabbed her ass, picked her up again, and carried her over to the bed. “ _Chaton,_ you’re going to make Claire come while I fuck you. Which hole would you prefer?”

 _“Basie mon cul, Maître,”_ she purred.

John chuckled and went to reposition her. He removed the shackles but rebound her wrists behind her back, flipped her onto her stomach, and pulled her ass up. He walked back over to his nightstand and grabbed the lube, a butt plug, condoms, and a pack of unscented baby wipes. He wet his fingers with the lube and started to open Louise up. He turned to Claire and said, “Go to the headboard and lay down in front of Louise.” Claire nodded and did as she was told. Louise started to lick her slowly as she watched John work Louise’s ass. He put some lube on the plug and pushed it into Louise, she arched her back and moaned as it stretched and then rested in her.

John took his phone out and set the plug to a low vibration, just enough that she could feel it but not get her off. He wiped his hands off with a baby wipe and then slid on his back underneath Louise. He quickly brought her to the edge of climax again and she was unable to focus on licking Claire further. John left the plug on since he knew it wouldn’t tip her over, she whined and moaned as he abandoned her. He went to Claire and positioned her next to Louise, he rolled on a condom and positioned his cock at her entrance. Claire nodded and tried to shift herself closer to him to take him in. “Claire, I need you to say it this time.”

“Yes, John, yes. Please fuck me.”

Louise chuckled and watched as John slowly slid into her with a groan until he was fully inside. He didn’t move for a few minutes while Claire adjusted to him and then she nodded at him to continue. John started to slowly move inside her, she was tight and wet and he was trying not to go too fast. It didn’t hurt really, she liked that slight edge of pain that accompanied it. His pubic piercing rubbed against her clit every time his hips met hers, the other piercing was rubbing in the perfect spot and she was already close to losing it after just a few minutes. Claire leaned over and kissed Louise and fondled her breast as John re-wet the plug, and grabbed his phone again to turn it up. He slid his fingers into Louise again and brought her to the edge. He slapped her ass then rubbed the red spot he left. She whined and said, _“s’il vous plaît, Maître.”_

He laughed at her and slapped her ass again. “Soon, _chaton,_ very soon.”

He focused back on Claire, he would have loved to have her underneath Louise so she could lick her but he knew she wouldn’t know her tells yet to keep her from coming. John started pumping into Claire relentlessly. He leaned over to suck her nipple and she started to writhe under him as he worried it between his teeth, he bit down and that sent her over the edge. Her mouth fell open and a silent scream escaped as he continued to pound into her until her orgasm passed and then pushed her right back over the edge. This time her scream was loud and he kissed her to swallow the sound, they had neighbors and Joe was asleep just down the hall. He slowed down and then pulled out of her.

John turned off the plug and rolled a fresh condom on. He moved the plug in and out of Louise a few times before removing it completely. He re-lubed her and slowly pushed into her, when he was fully inside her he took just a moment before he started thrusting. Claire had finally caught her breath and moved under Louise, she took a nipple in her mouth and sucked greedily, she loved the nipple ring Louise had, it was a heart surrounding her nipple anchored to a barbell. She took her other breast in her hand and gently kneaded it while rubbing the nipple with her thumb. She switched breasts as John picked up the pace. Louise was moaning and John unbound her and pulled her back to his chest as he continued to slam into her. “Make her come, Claire,” John said when he grabbed her throat and squeezed her carotid artery lightly in time with his thrusts.

Claire sucked on Louise’s clit, the jewelry there was similar to her nipple rings. It was a circle that surrounded her clit with a barbell going through her hood. She put two fingers inside her and thrusted in time with John. When Louise came it was incredibly loud and incredibly messy, she screamed out as she squirted all over Claire who licked it up as fast as she could. John covered her mouth and continued pumping into her as the waves washed over her. Claire pushed her over into another orgasm which led to move fluid on her face, she moaned and lapped it up. She opened her eyes and spied John’s guiche piercing. She reached her hand under his balls and rubbed it slightly. “Holy fuck, Claire, harder baby.” Claire put even more pressure on it and his rhythm faltered and he finally came with a loud “Fuck.” 

John leaned back on his heels and brought Louise with him. He started to go soft and pulled her up so he could slide out of her. He reached into his nightstand and grabbed her chocolate and said, “Claire, will you cuddle her for a few minutes. I’ll be right back.”

Claire pulled Louise to her so they could spoon, she pet her hair and Louise shared her chocolate with her.

John took off the condom and collected all the trash to throw it away in the bathroom. He was only gone a few minutes and came back in with 2 of Louise’s night shirts and 2 glasses of water. He handed everything to the girls and went to put some shorts on. 

Claire helped Louise sit up and put the shirt on after she put her own on. Louise rubbed her cheek and Claire leaned into it _“Mon petit chou,_ you okay?” Louise asked. 

“Did you seriously just call me your little cabbage?” Claire asked while laughing. 

_“Oui,_ you can pick another sub name later. For now, you are _mon petit chou.”_

 _“_ Like how John calls you _chaton?”_

 _“Oui,_ he only does it when he goes all Dom on me.”

John laughed and said, “to be fair, I had no intention of going ‘all Dom’ on you but you decided to be a brat and I didn’t want to drop Claire.” He was leaning against his dresser with his arms and legs crossed. 

“Thank you, both.” Claire said as settled against the pillows, “that was... amazing. You didn’t have to and I know you were just trying to make me feel better but seriously, thank you. You made me feel wanted and sexy.”

“Please don’t thank us. It had absolutely nothing to do with making you feel better and everything to do with us wanting you. We had talked about it before tonight even, we both wanted you badly. We just needed to talk to you about all the other stuff first because **someone** has a tendency to become a brat and force me to Dom her.”

Louise giggled and snuggled in next to Claire, her head was resting on her shoulder. “Sorry, you are just super hot when you get aggressive. That and I like it when you tie me up.” She yawned loudly and pulled the covers over them. 

Claire played with Louise’s hair and said, “Seriously, this was amazing.” She was struggling to keep her eyes open at this point. 

John shook his head and climbed into bed next to Claire. He reached over to turn off the light, pulled Claire to him, and kissed her hair. She sighed and snuggled closer to John while she wrapped an arm around Louise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Gaelic**  
>  _Craiceann_ \- skin
> 
>  **French**  
>  _Oui_ \- yes  
>  _mon chéri_ \- my darling  
>  _mon petit chou_ \- my little cabbage  
>  _faîtes-moi_ \- make me  
>  _Maître_ \- Master  
>  _Chaton_ \- kitten  
>  _baise mon cul_ \- fuck my ass  
>  _S'il vous plaît_ \- please


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the quite eventful evening. 
> 
> This was a super long chapter so I cut it in half at what I think is a natural stopping point.  
> I'm still getting used to formatting as I haven't used HTML in 15 years so be patient with me please.

The next morning Claire woke up holding Louise, one hand under her hip and the other resting just under her breast. She could feel John behind her and she sank further into him. She smiled and buried her nose into Louise’s hair. She was delightfully sore and she mentally went through everything that happened last night. She ended up falling back asleep and when she woke up again she was alone but could smell coffee and bacon. 

Thankfully, someone left her clothes from the living room piled at the foot of the bed. She went to the bathroom to wash her face and get dressed. She desperately wanted a shower but decided to wait until she went home.

She could hear laughter and music playing in the kitchen. When she got there John was at the stove wearing a ridiculous pink apron and lounge pants while Louise and Joe were laughing at him. She leaned against the doorway and watched her friends. Her heart was full and she felt at peace for the first time in her life. She felt accepted and part of something bigger than her.

She pushed off the wall and gave John a peck on the cheek. “Good morning, darling. Did you sleep well?”

“I did actually. Thank you. Whatcha making?” Claire said as she leaned against the counter. 

Louise got up and gave her a hug. “Crepes! Would you like coffee or tea,  _ mon chéri?” _ She said as she moved around the kitchen.

“Coffee, please.” She offered a weak smile. She went and sat next to Joe, who was looking a little worse for wear. He was hunched over sipping his coffee.

“I have no clue what happened last night LJ.” He groaned. “How did we even get here?!”

Claire laughed at him, “You kept stealing everyone’s drinks Joe! And we carried you, it took all 3 of us. Oh, you did find another American by the way, she put her number in your phone. Gail.”

Joe perked up a bit, “I vaguely remember dancing with a beautiful lady. I’m glad I was smart enough to get her number.”

Louise handed Claire her cup of coffee before turning to Joe. “What are your plans for the day?”   
  


“I am going to go home, shower, sleep, and then text a beautiful lady I think.” Joe said and took another big gulp of coffee.

“After breakfast we can go back to the dorms. I definitely need a shower and a nap, too.” Claire said while stretching her arms above her head.

It didn’t take long before breakfast was ready. Louise and Claire had helped cut up the fruit and made whipped cream from scratch. They all sat at the dining room table to eat. The evening before wasn’t mentioned, like some sort of unspoken agreement to keep Joe out of it for now, Claire would tell him later probably.

After breakfast, Claire and Joe tried to help cleanup but John shooed them out. Claire promised to text Louise when she got to the dorm and they headed out.

On the walk back to the dorms, Joe and Claire walked arm in arm and were silent for a while. Finally, Joe broke that silence with an awkward clearing of his throat, “Soooo, what happened after we got back to their flat last night?”

“We had some wine and talked a bit.” Claire was being a bit dodgy, not sure how much she wanted to tell him

“LJ, don’t lie to me. For starters, you were asleep in John’s bed. It was also written all over your face that something happened. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile this much.” He pulled her closer to him, trying to make her feel safe. He didn’t know all the details of her past but he knew that she had been hurt at least.

“I don’t know how it happened, I was barely tipsy, but we kind of slept together?” Claire wasn’t used to having a friend she could talk to about anything, especially a male friend.

“You aren’t sure?”

“Well, no I’m sure. We definitely slept together.” Claire laughed a little at admitting it.

“Why are you being weird and cryptic then? Was it awful or something? Also, I thought he was gay!” 

“Apparently John is bi and so is Louise and it was amazing.”

Joe pulled Claire to a stop. “Wait. Did you guys have a threesome?!”

“Yes, Joe, we did.” Claire’s face was bright red and she started walking away quickly. 

Joe was still standing where she left him dumbfounded, he picked up his jaw off the ground and ran to catch up to her. He looped his arm back in hers. “Damn LJ, I’m impressed.” Claire only laughed at him in response.

They had arrived at the dorms, Claire reminded Joe to text Gail after his nap and he left her at her room. She quickly texted Louise that she was home and hopped in the shower. When she got out she had a text from Louise.

L😻: Are you still interested in going tonight to the club,  _ mon petit chou? 🥬 _

C: 🙄 That nickname isn’t going anywhere I see. And yes, I’d love to go. 😁

L😻:  _ Très bien!  _ Come by at 7 so we can get ready. You can go through my clothes. Have a good nap! 😉

Claire set an alarm, plugged in her phone, and was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

-

Claire woke up well-rested from her nap, she stretched out her still sore muscles and sat up. She heard the shower going so she knew her roommate was home. She decided to email her therapist until she could get in the bathroom, she still had monthly sessions with her over FaceTime and usually wrote her an email at least once a week.

Claire checked the clock after she hit send, it was only 4 so she still had plenty of time before she needed to leave. She pulled up a BDSM website and started going over a checklist and researching terms she wasn’t familiar with. Her roommate came out of the bathroom in only a towel and went straight to her closet, Claire watched her under her eyelashes as she pulled out a mini skirt and crop top. Her name was Bella, she was absolutely beautiful with dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was very popular where Claire was dark and twisty. They were friendly to each other but not friends. Claire was actually incredibly jealous of her. She could wear whatever she wanted without worrying about scars or what people thought. Bella dropped her towel and turned around to get dressed. Claire cast her eyes down at the quiz she had pulled up.

“What are you doing tonight?” Bella asked as she pulled her shirt on.

“I’m going to a club with friends, you?”

“Going to see a band play at a pub with a boy. Will you be home tonight?” Bella was putting on her makeup in the bathroom with the door open.

“I might, I don’t know yet. Why? Are you bringing him back here?” Claire was hoping she wasn’t bringing him back, she wasn’t sure how tonight would go and she wanted to be able to come home to sleep.

“Hopefully, he’s gorgeous and has a reputation for being a good fuck. Tall, redhead, and incredibly fit.” She bit her lip and sighed. “I really need to get laid.”

Bella’s phone went off on her bed and she walked over to check it and then threw it back on the bed before sitting down. “Never mind, he cancelled. Apparently he got called into work tonight. Lame.” She stood back up and grabbed her jacket and purse. “Fuck it, I’ll go anyway. Maybe I’ll find a guy there who isn’t completely awful in bed. See ya.” She left before Claire could even say bye.

Claire clicked through the rest of the quiz and then read through the results. Apparently she was a sub, that explained why she did everything John told her last night at least. Rope bunny and prey were also ranked pretty high. She had a decent amount of brat in her as well which wasn’t that surprised since she liked to back talk and challenge people. She knew she wasn’t the obedient type but she was pretty meek since she didn’t really throw herself out there. She was okay sitting on the sidelines.

At 5, she got dressed in a pair of black tight leather pants, a plain black shirt, and her black chucks. She put on her hoodie and leather jacket as extra armor then headed out to grab some food before going over to John and Louise’s. She got tea and a sandwich and sat down on a bench to eat. She opened her phone and did some more general research on safe words and shibari. She didn’t know what to expect tonight really. She didn’t see herself in the PVC and latex outfits she saw online, too much skin was shown, her scars on her thighs and stomach weren’t super noticeable anymore but her back was another story entirely. She threw away her trash, put in her earbuds, and listened to the new Machine Gun Kelly album for the rest of her walk. 

Louise greeted her at the door with a hug and kissed both her cheeks. Claire tried to keep her blush down and asked how her day was.

“It’s been good. John already headed out. Someone bailed tonight so he had to go help set up. He’s not dancing tonight now which sucks. He’s going to be doing the Dungeon Monitor stuff.” She said as she sat down at her vanity to put on her makeup. She was wearing a robe and her hair was in a towel. “Go ahead and look through my clothes if you want.”

Claire walked into her closet to find a lot of whites and pinks. Louise was such a girly girl. She spied a bit of black in the back of the closet and went over to it. “I did some reading after my nap. Apparently I’m a sub.”

“ _ Oui, mon petit chou,  _ you liked being told what to do. What else did it say?”

Claire leaned against the closet door with the few black items, “Something about being a rope bunny and prey, oh and I am apparently a brat. Probably not quite as sassy as you though. Seriously, you really need more black. What do you think of these?” She held up an all black corset and a black half-corset with copper piping and laces.

“The half-corset especially if you’re getting the piercings tonight. You don’t want anything putting too much pressure on them for a few weeks. I have a shiny copper chemise that would look great under it.” She walked over to her dresser and tossed it to Claire. She caught it and started removing her layers of clothing. “The pants are great and I have a copper chain if you want to wear it. I have every bit of faith that you will likely end up being a bigger brat than I am. John’s a rigger if you’re wanting to explore ropes. He doesn’t do the predator side of primal play though because he prefers to be prey.”

After Claire was dressed she looked in the mirror, she looked hot. The copper accents made her skin look pale and glowing. The only scars showing were on her upper back. She went to put her hoodie back on to cover them up but Louise grabbed it and shook her head. She went into the closet and came out with a long-sleeve hooded bolero. It covered her scars but didn’t ruin the outfit.

Louise sat her at the vanity and did her makeup. She chose bronze and brown eye shadows, heavy eyeliner, and a brownish-red lipstick. All of it made her amber eyes pop to life. Louise helped her tame her curls into a low bun and then Claire lifted the hood and put it over her head. She looked lethal.

Louise put on jeans and a shirt and packed a duffel with what she’d change into at the club. It was almost 830 by the time they left. The club wasn’t far from the flat so they walked which Claire was grateful for because it helped burn off some of her nervous energy.

They went around the back of the tattoo shop and a bright red neon light saying ‘ _ An Dùn Dorcha’  _ flashed above a side door. Louise waved a bracelet over the lock and the door popped open. She held the door open for Claire and they went through a small room with a counter and a coat closet, down a set of stairs, then a slightly bigger room filled with props and tools, then a final set of stairs, and finally they entered the main room. 

There were high ceilings and rooms on both sides with huge glass windows. There was a bar to one side by a stage and couches scattered throughout. There were floor to ceiling curtains covering the walls. The back wall had a long hallway with doors going up and down it, to the right of the hallway was a red door and to the left was a door with a star that John came out of.

He gave them each a hug and turned to Claire, “Would you like a tour while Louise gets ready?” He held out an arm for her. He was wearing a pair of charcoal grey slacks, a white dress shirt, and a matching grey vest. 

“Oh yes please,” Claire said and slipped her hand through John’s arm.

“This is the stage for group dances, kind of burlesque style. The platforms in the center of the room are for dancing as well, one has a pole, another has aerial ribbons, and there’s a hoop as well. Sometimes they use props like glow whips but it’s really up to the dancer. We usually have 5 or 6 dancers each night, tonight we only have 3, it really just depends on who signs up.” They walked past the stage and towards two glass rooms. “These are the piercing and tattoo rooms. Our piercer is also the owner, her name is Geillis and she’s absolutely amazing. Our tattoo artists are Rupert and Angus, they’re lovable idiots.” They walked past the stairs and to the other side of the room. “These rooms are for different scenes, the glass can be frosted from inside if people choose not to share but you have to let the front desk know when you book the room. We don’t want all the windows to be frosted at one time. The room with the plants is for predator/prey scenes, there’s a Saint Andrew's Cross and table for impact play, and a rope room.” They walked to the back of the room again, “The room with the star is the dressing room for the dancers and the room on the other side with the red door is the chill room that we told you about, it connects to the play rooms at the back so people can go straight there after a scene. The rooms down the hall can be reserved by people to do whatever, some have beds or couches, they each have their own mini-fridge with juice and water as well as some chocolate. Behind some of the curtains are little alcoves with cushions and such. Oh and the bar doesn’t serve alcohol, people need to be sober to make safe choices.” 

John guided Claire to the small room at the top of the stairs and went behind the counter. He opened a drawer and pulled out a laptop. “The first time everyone visits they have to sign in and get bracelets, you also have to be sponsored by someone.” He opened another drawer and pulled out 3 bracelets— black, white, and a slightly thicker blue one. 

“What do these mean?” Claire asked as she slipped them on, black and white on her left wrist, blue on the right.

“The blue is for sub and has an NFC chip in it with your name. It’s programmed to allow you in rooms reserved under your name and get into the club, it’s also linked to your account for coat check and in case you want to buy something. We use these so that the rooms and your identity are secure. The white bracelet just means you’re new and the black one is basically a way for you to indicate that you want to be left alone and aren’t here to play. If you’d like we can attach my protection charm on it. It usually means I’m your Dom but in this case it’s just an extra precaution, it’s up to you though.”

“Ummm... I’m okay for now. I just planned to watch tonight anyway.” She was trying to process all the information she’d been given, it was a lot to retain.

“May I take your coat and bag, my dear?” He said formally, trying to make her loosen up a bit by being silly. 

Claire laughed and handed over her leather jacket and bag. He clipped on a tag and put it in back. He punched a few things into the laptop, stepped away from the counter, and held his arm out to Claire again. “You have zero reason to be nervous. Nothing happens here if you don’t want it to happen.” Claire nodded but he could tell she wasn’t entirely convinced.

They walked downstairs again in silence, Claire was very tense and filled with questions. “What colors are the other bracelets?”

“There’s a purple bracelet for switches and a red one for Doms. Combine the red with the blue for subs you get a switch. The color wheel in action!”

Claire laughed and followed him into the dressing room where Louise had gone, unfortunately she wasn’t alone and Claire’s nerves spiked. She went and sat down on one of the couches. 

“ _ Mon petit chou _ ! What do you think?” Louise asked. She had changed clothes and was wearing a white corset and thong with hot pink piping. Her garters were hot pink and attached to white fishnet stockings. Her look was finished out with hot pink ankle boots. 

“Wow Louise, that is a lot of white. You look almost virginal.”

“Well, we both know that isn’t the case.” She winked at her and sat down to touch up her makeup. John was chuckling as he went into a side room with a desk and security cameras and shut the door.

Louise introduced her to the other dancers in the room. “This is Annalise and Geneva, they almost always dance together, hence the complimentary outfits.” Annalise was a tiny blonde that had on a hot pink racerback bralette with a black waist cincher and garters with hot pink cheekies and stockings. Her shoes were black thigh highs covered in studs up to the ankle. Geneva was a little taller than Annalise and a brunette, she had on a black racerback bralette, hot pink waist cincher and garters, black cheekies and stockings. Her boots were hot pink and flared up at the knee. Claire could see a small riding crop hooked into one of her boots. They both had on purple bracelets. “John was going to dance tonight but since we had the call out, he needs to work the floor.”

“What does a Dungeon Monitor do exactly?” Claire shifted uncomfortably while Annalise and Geneva sized her up.

Geneva scoffed, “Jesus, how new is she Louise? I know you like corrupting vanillas but could you keep them out of here at least?” 

_ "Genève, ferme ta gueule. Personne ne t'a demandé ton avis, putain.”  _ Louise spit out in rapid French. Claire translated it in her head and chuckled quietly.

Annalise decided to intervene. _“_ Seriously Louise, we all speak French here so stop the bullshit.”

“Kiss my ass, Annalise.” Louise glared at her, refusing to put up with the bullshit.

Annalise went over and played with a loose curl by Louise’s face and then grabbed her chin, “Maybe later,  _ chaton.” _

Louise pulled away from her and spat, “In your dreams, you crazy bitch. That will never happen again.”

John walked into the room and put his hand possessively on Louise’s lower back. “Annalise, touch her without her consent again and you won’t be welcome here anymore. You and your girlfriend are already on thin ice for skirting the line. She’s mine and you damn well know it.” John held out a hand to Claire to help her up and guided them both out of the room. He stuck his head back into the dressing room and said, “We’re open, be on the stage in 5 minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Gaelic**  
>  _An dùn dorcha_ \- the dark dungeon
> 
> **French**  
>  _Oui_ \- yes  
>  _mon chéri_ \- my darling  
>  _mon petit chou_ \- my little cabbage  
>  _Chaton_ \- kitten  
>  _très bien_ \- very good  
>  _Genève, ferme ta gueule. Personne ne t'a demandé ton avis, putain._ \- Geneva, shut the fuck up. No one asked for your opinion, whore.  
> \--  
> I am on Tumblr under the same username but I don't really post much on it. I may do wee previews eventually but right now I do not.  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A continuation of Claire's first night at the club and what happens beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really not in the right frame of mind to be editing smut today but alas it's Sunday.
> 
> I've had an emotional week with the election, my sister having a baby, not being able to see said baby or said sister yet because of a variety of reasons. I've had stress hives all week and they're currently residing on my hands which makes it super fun to type. I also spent most of yesterday crying due to the news of the election and just being elated at it all and then today crying because I can't see my sister still.
> 
> There was initially a break in chapters during this but I decided to combine them because I felt last chapter was too short. I really should have left the club as one chapter but I can't go back and change it now.
> 
> I do not have a beta so any editing failures are my own. I hope you like it.

John ran his hands through his hair, “I cannot stand them. They’re manipulative and dangerous. You okay, _chaton?”_ He ran his hands up and down her arms.

_“Oui,_ I just wish I hadn’t ever been dumb enough to get involved with them in the first place. I’ll be fine.” They hugged and he rubbed her back, “Thank you for stepping in.” She kissed his cheek and walked toward the stage.

“Sorry about that Claire. You okay?” He put his hand at her elbow.

“Yeah, they seem super nice. Sorry for causing issues, I guess I should limit my questions to some other time.”

“Don’t worry about them. What questions did you have?” They walked over to one of the couches and he rested his hand on her knee.

“I had asked Louise what a Dungeon Master does.”

“Oh, well they just walk around and keep an eye on everything. Make sure the chill room is stocked, that people are cleaning up after a scene, make sure no one’s breaking the rules, and an added layer of protection for people.”

“I see. Thanks again for everything.” Claire rested her head on John’s shoulder.

“Please stop thanking us, it was our pleasure, darling. Come on, I’ve got work to do and you have a piercing appointment in a bit, I’ll introduce you to Geillis and then you can do whatever you want.” He helped Claire stand and she grabbed his forearm.

“Let me fix your hair, you look like a porcupine.” She flattened out the spikes he’d created earlier.

“Thanks.” He guided her over to the piercing room where he introduced her to Geillis and went to leave, “If you need anything come find me. I’ll find you when it gets closer to midnight.” He kissed her cheek and left the room.

Claire shuffled her feet awkwardly and pulled the hood of the bolero up. Geillis was gorgeous with bright red hair and striking green eyes. She had on a black leather camisole and the cups of it were covered in studs, a black leather miniskirt with garters hanging loose, a studded belt, and black studded thigh high boots.

“John tells me ye want to get yer nipples pierced.” Geillis said and offered Claire a seat on the couch.

“Yeah, I’ve wanted them for awhile actually.” Claire was pressing her nails into her palms, the pain helped curb her anxiety.

Geillis took Claire’s hand between hers and said, “Dinna fash, lass. Ye’re safe here. Nothing happens without ye’re consent.”

Claire relaxed and nodded her head, “Thanks, this is all just really new and I’m nervous.”

“I ken what it was like entering the scene for the first time. It can be a wee bit overwhelming but ye are doing fine. Go take a look around and come back if ye need a breather.” Geillis patted her hand and greeted the person coming in the door as Claire slipped out.

Claire went over to the bar by the stage and took a seat. She was trying not to get overwhelmed so she sipped her water and people watched. More and more people were coming into the main room some were on their knees, some had thick collars with leashes being led around, a few girls were in pigtails with pacifiers, and the more revealing outfits ranged from leather and pvc to lingerie. There were some dressed in regular attire but sexed up a bit.

The dancers climbed up the stairs and Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls started playing. Louise was mesmerizing and Claire couldn’t take her eyes off her. When the song was done they hopped down, Geneva and Annalise went over to the aerial ribbon platform and took off their shoes before climbing up.

Louise came over to Claire and took a sip of her water. “Would you mind going to that middle room up the stairs and asking for my pink glow whip? I forgot to grab it earlier. I’ll be on the hoop platform.”

“Of course. I’ll be back.”

“Oh and don’t expect the guy behind the counter to talk to you. He has a bet going with John tonight.”

“Weird but okay.”

Claire left her and went across the room to the stairs. She went up to the room that was essentially a shop. There were whips, floggers, riding crops, handcuffs, rope, collars, chains, and paddles lining the walls. There wasn’t anyone behind the counter but she saw a little bell and rang it.

A tall, gorgeous man came out of a side room. He had on a black shirt and dark jeans with a variety of tattoos all over his arms, a lip piercing, slightly gauged ears, brilliant blue eyes, and a black beanie with wisps of red curls peeking out. Claire checked his wrists and saw purple and black bracelets.

He didn’t speak, just stared at her with a questioning look on his face.

“Hi, sorry to bother you, Louise asked me to come get her glow whip.”

He made a Scottish sound that she wasn’t incredibly sure what it meant. He turned around and bent over to gather things from the low shelf behind him. Claire leaned over the counter a bit to check out his ass and when he whipped around it caught her by surprise and she fell backwards. He had definitely caught her checking him out but he just chuckled and put several glow whips on the countertop. He turned them on to show the colors, Claire was bright red and quickly grabbed the pink one to turn it back off. “Ummmm... thanks and I’m sorry.” She turned and ran out of the room while he laughed at her again.

She went over to Louise and set the whip on the platform she was dancing on. Louise squatted down and whispered, “Why are you blushing, _mon chéri?_ Did Jamie say something to you?”

Claire looked at her in surprise and got flustered all over again, “Oh no, he laughed at me because he caught me checking out his ass when he bent down. I fell over. Holy shit Louise. He’s gorgeous.”

Louise laughed and played with her hair, “He is. He only plays though, he hasn’t had a serious relationship outside the club. Some girl ripped had just ripped his heart out when he first started coming here so he doesn’t let anyone in for very long. But if you can get time with him, it is very worth it and he’s an amazing Dom.”

“I doubt he’d even consider me. I’m too broken and require too much work.”

“Oh _mon chéri,_ you aren’t broken. You’re just inexperienced, but you’re very eager to learn and you have no clue how hot that is, do you?”

Claire’s confidence swelled a little and she ran a finger over Louise’s bottom lip, “Oh? Do you plan on teaching me something tonight?” She leaned closer to Louise and kissed her neck.

_“Merde,”_ Louise moaned and sat on the edge of the platform. She pulled Claire closer to her and caught her mouth. Claire had one hand deep in Louise’s hair with the other rubbing her lower back. Her skin was smooth and soft, she wondered what hers felt like in comparison. Right as Louise slipped a hand under the bolero to fondle Claire’s breast they were interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

Louise pulled away and looked behind Claire, “Hello Jamie, how can we help you?”

Claire laughed and buried her face in Louise’s neck to hide the red of her face.

Jamie held up Claire’s copper chain and gestured to Claire. She leaned close to Claire’s ear, “He brought your chain back, you must have dropped it earlier. Can he put it back?”

Claire pulled back to meet Louise’s eye and nodded. Jamie leaned in and clipped one end to a loop above her ass and then placed his hand on her hip to turn her towards him. His hand skimmed the small bit of exposed scarred skin above her pants and it felt like electricity was shooting up her spine. He clipped the other end on a front loop and his thumb rubbed her hip bone. She met his gaze and her breath caught in her chest, his pupils were blown wide and he leaned closer to her. She closed her eyes as he buried his nose in her curls and took a deep breath. He pulled back and walked away.

Claire leaned back into Louise and sighed.

Louise laughed and kissed behind her ear, “Would you like to invite him to our flat? He’s really into sharing.”

Claire could only nod in response. Louise patted her ass to send her on her way and stood back up to dance again.

Claire pulled her hood up and wandered around the main room watching a few of the scenes, her mind was a jumble and she couldn’t really focus on anything. He’d touched her scars. How is it that she’d gone most of her life with hardly anyone seeing them and all of a sudden 3 new people had seen and touched them in less than 24 hours. His touch didn’t make her want to hide either, it made her want to strip naked and ravage him. She worried her lip ring and then shook her head to clear the thoughts.

The primal/prey room was frosted over and there was a man strapped to the Saint Andrews Cross being flogged. He had red, raised marks criss-crossing his back. Claire jumped with each lash, impact play definitely wasn’t something she would be trying here unless the windows were frosted and even then she doubted it would happen.

The last room had a naked woman suspended in the air with intricate knots and loops across her body. They weren’t tight but they were secure, there was no chance of her falling and even if she did there was a large cushion under her. The man said something to her and she nodded, he went and sat on the cushion and grabbed her thighs to pull her to him. He ran his hand through her folds and then buried his mouth to her. Her own mouth opened but the glass was soundproof so she couldn’t hear if she was making noise. He ran his hand up her body and under two ropes around her breast. He flicked and squeezed her nipple as he began thrusting his fingers into her.

Claire had been so enthralled with what she was watching that she didn’t notice John was standing next to her until after he spoke, which caused her to jump and screech. He reached out and steadied her. “We really need to work on how jumpy you are, although I personally find it adorable.”

“Rude, it is a serious problem, thank you very much. I can’t even watch a slightly scary movie without having the wits scared out of me. I hate it.” She crossed her arms and pouted up at him.

“We will definitely have to watch a scary movie soon." John turned so his back was facing the rope room and nudged her shoulder, "A little bird told me you have an admirer."

"Oh? Was that little bird named Louise perhaps?" Claire said smugly.

"Nope." John laughed as confusion washed over her face. "Louise did tell me that you did some research today though."

"Shouldn't you be mastering some dungeons? Or are you here to babysit me?" Claire was hoping he wasn't teasing her but she wasn't fully convinced.

John grabbed her arms and turned her to face him, "Hey, what's wrong?"

Claire shrugged and took a deep breath before replying, "This is all just really scary for me."

"You don't have to be here and nothing has to happen without your say, you believe that right?" John rubbed her arms to try and comfort her.

"I don't mean this stuff," she waved her hand around the room, "I mean everything that happened last night, Jamie touching my scars, actually wanting some of this stuff to happen to me. I'm not saying I didn't want it to happen or that I didn't like it. I liked it a lot. I liked that you kept telling me what to do. I want to do what you tell me to do." Claire was getting frustrated with herself, just say it. She took another deep breath and hung her head, "I'm terrified that this isn't real. That you and Louise aren't real. That people accepting the whole me isn't just a dream. That you weren't lying last night when you said I was beautiful."

John lifted her chin up and wiped her tears off her cheeks, "It is real. It isn't a dream. You are beautiful." He pulled her in for a hug, "I know that bitch hurt you but we're not like that. We care about you. I'm serious when I say that if I didn't want you, that wouldn't have happened last night. I don't pity fuck people." He pulled back a little to look her in the eye again, "Now, do you want me to cancel with Jamie tonight? If you're not in the mood, that's perfectly fine. If you don't want to come over, that's also fine. If you want to come over and watch scary movies, that's also fine. Whatever you want, we can make it happen."

"I don't know. I don't want to turn into a puddle of tears at some point. I think I'm going to get food and go home after this. I need to process and touch base with my therapist a bit." She kept pulling at her sleeves, she desperately wanted to find an empty corner and make the pain go away. She hated feeling overwhelmed by her own insecurities.

"Why don't we all grab something to eat afterwards and see how you feel? I’m serious when I say that we can just go back to the flat and chill. Nothing has to happen. I’m going to do another lap and check the chill room and then we’ll go to Geillis, okay?” John had been rubbing his thumb over her wrist, it was soothing to Claire even though he was rubbing her small burn scars.

Claire nodded and John squeezed her wrist and left her to her thoughts. She pulled the sleeves down over her hands and sat down on the nearest couch. She wasn’t alone long before an older man sat down next to her. Claire tensed up and shifted a little farther away.

“Hello, I noticed you liked the ropes. Would you like to do a scene?” The man had medium brown hair and lines down his cheeks, he looked vaguely familiar to her but she couldn’t place where.

“No, thank you.” Claire was borderline rude but she felt uneasy about him.

“I noticed you’re a sub. Do you want me to just tell you do it?” His voice had taken on a harsh tone.

“Well if you noticed that then you also noticed I have a black band with a charm that you chose to ignore. I see that rules aren’t your thing so it’s unlikely I’ll ever trust you with my body. Have a nice night.” Claire got up and walked towards the piercing room to meet John.

Claire was visibly shaken when she got there and Geillis rushed over to her. “Ye okay, hen?”

“Yeah just got a bad vibe from someone. John should be here soon.”

“Did ye get their name or can ye point him out to me?”

Claire looked around the main room but the man had disappeared. She told Geillis as much and sat down to wait for John, she had a clear view of Louise dancing with the glow whip. She loved the way the lights played against her skin and lingerie.

Geillis was puttering around the small room cleaning up from her last appointment and wiping the chair down when Claire heard the same throat clear from earlier. Standing in the doorway is Jamie, still not speaking it seemed.

“Oh Jamie! I almost forgot.” Geillis said as she started to grab a tray to arrange what she needed.

“Uhh... I can go and come back when you’re done?” Claire said as she started to stand.

He made a Scottish sound of indifference, the grunt makes Claire’s belly flip. Geillis lifted an eyebrow at Jamie. He shrugged and started to take his pants and boxers off. “I’m gonna go with he doesn’t care.” Claire tried to keep her mouth shut as she blatantly stared at Jamie’s cock. He was uncomfortably hard and she audibly swallowed because of his size.

Claire sat back down on the couch, she tried to focus on Louise but kept drifting back to Jamie on the piercing table. She could see that he already had a pubic piercing and she shivered remembering the way John’s felt last night. She bit her lip and wondered how different it would feel if she rode him, she looked up and realized he was watching her. She flushed and looked back towards Louise, who had hopped down and was heading to the dressing room.

“Alright, so, we are going to do an apadravya today. Ye remember what we talked about at the consult?” Jamie nodded his head. This not talking thing was serious. “Does this put you even with John yet or is he still winning?”

“I am winning. He needs two more to beat me.” Joh. Said as he entered the room and sat down next to Claire. He put his hand on her knee and moved closer to her ear to whisper, “Enjoying the view?”

Claire went bright red and said, “Oh do shut up, dear.”

John chuckled and patted her knee, “Louise went to change. We’ll head out after your done.”

Geillis put gloves and a needle and grabbed Jamie, she gently pulled back his foreskin, sterilized the area and placed the needle underneath his glands. She went from the bottom up and as soon as the needle punctured he groaned and let out a breath. She quickly pushed it through and placed the jewelry.

Jamie got up and put his boxers and pants back on and turned to Geillis “Thank ye Geillis,” next he turned to Claire, nodded, tried to wink, and said, “Sassenach”. He then left the room before anyone else could speak.

“What in the actual fuck was that about?” Claire asked, John and Geillis exchanged a look and started cracking up.

John collected himself, wiping tears off his face and said, “We had a deal. If Jamie could be quiet for the whole night and not hit on anyone then I would pay for his piercing.”

“And yet the he still managed to get an invitation out.” Claire stated. “He touched my back and smelled my hair John, how is that not hitting on someone?”

John shrugged and said, “I’m giving him a pass on that because it’s you.”

“That and because ye know if he comes to yer house it’s worth it, John. I ken what he’s like remember.” Geillis said as she finished cleaning the table.

“Have you both and Jamie...?” Claire asked looking between the two.

“Aye, but I’m the one that helps all the baby Doms. A good Dom is always a sub first so they know how it feels. There are some that I continue tae play with after we end our time together but Jamie isn’t one of them, mostly because I started dating his uncle after he became a switch. He’s fantastic but never permanent, he doesn’t do serious relationships just plays, ye ken?”

“And Jamie was the first Dom I had when I moved here and he’s usually the only one I sub for now. We’ve done some scenes together here, he’s the only one I’ll do primal play with.” John said as Claire went to sit on the table.

“Oh yes, his growl is deadly.” Geillis sighed and then turned to Claire. “So, I need ye to stand up so I can mark ye.”

She took her arms out of the tank top and let it hang down on the under-corset. Her nipples hardened as the cooler air hit them and Geillis stood to sterilize and put two dots on each nipple. “Alright, ye can sit down on the edge facing the window.”

She looked out and saw Jamie and Geneva talking, she was rubbing his bicep and making a pouty face, Jamie just shook his head, brushed her hand off him, and walked upstairs. She sighed and let her gaze wander. She saw see the creeper from earlier standing across the room openly staring at her breasts. His hand was resting on his crotch and Claire looked away.

Geillis talked to her while she worked, “The clamp will hurt a wee bit.” She placed a clamp on her left nipple and then another on her right so that Geillis could quickly do them. Claire couldn’t help but enjoy the slight pressure. “Deep breath in,” Geillis said and then quickly pierced the left and secured the jewelry. Claire let out the breath slowly, this was way better than any pain she could inflict on herself. “Another deep breath in.” Geillis repeated the process for her right nipple and Claire let out a small moan with her exhale. “All done, hen.”

Claire fixed her tank top and looked at Geillis, “When can I get more?”

Geillis laughed at her, “3 weeks.”

“I’ll see you in 3 weeks then, thank you Geillis.” She gave her a quick hug and went ove to John.

“I’ve created a monster haven’t I?” John asked as he set her hand in the crook of his arm and led her to the stairs where Louise was waiting.

“How so? I had piercings before I even met you guys. It was the first thing I did when I moved here.” Claire tried to feign offense and his comment.

“Oh don’t act like you didn’t like it. I take full credit for this experience.” John said as Louise fell into step with them.

_“Mon Dieu,_ John, you don’t get to take credit for everything. I believe it was my reaction last night that encouraged her to get them more than you escorting her to a room.” Louise said indignantly.

Claire stepped away from both of them and threw her hands in the air as they reached the middle room, “Neither of you get credit! I wanted them long before now! Conceited and selfish the lot of you.” She stomped up the rest of the stairs laughing at them.

Louise shoved Johns shoulder, “You heard her. Selfish. Conceited.” She started to head up the stairs.

“You’re going to regret doing that, _chaton.”_ John ran after her while Louise squealed.

After they exited the club, Jamie was leaning against the wall outside. John officially introduced him to Claire, she gave an awkward wave before Louise grabbed her arm and pulled her ahead of the guys.

“John mentioned you two talked earlier, you okay?” Louise asked quietly.

“Yeah, I just got overwhelmed and in my own head too much. It happens, frequently unfortunately.” Claire let go of Louise for a moment to pull her hair into a messy bun. She took off her leather jacket and then the bolero, “It keeps riding up and hitting the piercings and I’m freakishly warm right now.” Louise tucked the bolero into her duffel bag and handed Claire the jacket back.

She ran her hand over the tattoo with her thumb, “I didn’t realize you had a tattoo.”

“Oh, yeah I got it when I first moved here. I wanted the first one to be for healing. I want a ridiculous amount. Flowers, herbs, and vines all over. It’s going to take forever probably.” Claire draped the jacket over her arm and linked the other with Louise again. She knew that her upper back was exposed and that the guys could see it but she was trying not to think about it.

“What’s her story?” Jamie asked John.

John debated telling him, “That’s not mine to tell. Go gentle though. She’s vulnerable and scared. She’s not had an easy life and she’s new to this. You remember how hard it was to accept that not only were you willing to participate but that you liked it. She’s at that phase but she’s very willing to learn.”

“Aye, and how would ye know that?” Jamie bumped shoulders with John.

“Well, she told us everything last night and we may or may not have taken her virginity.”

“Well, ye waste no time. Did Louise traumatize her by forcing ye to go Dom?” Jamie was well aware of Louise’s ways.

“While Louise did force me to Dom her, I didn’t with Claire. I did tell her what to do a few times and she listened, but I didn’t want to throw her into the deep end before she even waded in. She saw what I did to Louise and went home this morning to research apparently. So, I’d say she’s definitely not traumatized. I will say she makes the best noises, tiny little moans and squeaks. She’s very responsive.”

They turned the corner where Louise and Claire were waiting outside the small diner. Claire had put her jacket on at some point, Jamie would miss the bit of exposed skin and tattoo, it was wee just like her.

“Unfortunately there is no seating available but they did say we could get take out,” Louise informed them.

“That’s fine. Chips and burgers?” John asked the group, they all agreed. “Louise will you help me?” He held the door open for her, they went in leaving Claire and Jamie alone on the sidewalk.

“What brought—“

“Are you—“

They both started talking at the same time then awkwardly laughed.

“Go ahead, Sassenach.” Jamie said.

“Why was your first word to me an insult?” Claire asked haughtily.

“I dinna mean it as an insult. Ye just aren’t from here. I apologize if I offended ye, Claire.” Jamie said wholeheartedly.

The way he said her name sent butterflies rioting in her stomach. “It didn’t sound like one honestly, it’s fine. Why don’t you call John a Sassenach though?”

“I dinna ken to be honest. While he’s even more British than ye, he just fits here. Ye are new to not just the area but BDSM as well.” Jamie sat down on the sidewalk against the wall. He patted next to him and she sat down as well. “What were ye going to ask before?”

“Oh, I was just wondering if you were from here?” Claire squirmed a little because the chain was digging into her ass.

“Nay, I am from the Highlands. A wee place a couple hours away called Lallybroch. My family has owned the estate for centuries.”

“Why did you move away?” Claire asked as she adjusted again to try and remove it, it was closest to Jamie and she couldn’t reach it without elbowing him.

“Lean forward.” Jamie said.

Claire did as she was told and her shirt rose up in the back a bit, he unclipped the chain from the back and rubbed her scars again. She shivered from his touch and closed her eyes. He was so warm and his touch was so gentle. He had such huge hands that it spanned over half her back. She’d never felt so small and fragile before.

“Ye’re a brave wee thing aren’t ye?” He whispered in her ear.

She leaned into him and desperately wanted to get as close as possible to him. She turned her face to his and said, “Just been dealt a shitty hand in life. I wouldn’t call that brave really, just surviving.”

“I disagree. Ye’re brave, ye just don’t ken it yet.” He cupped her cheek as he brought his mouth closer to hers. Just before they met the bell on the door sounded and they pulled away quickly.

John and Louise didn’t let on that they’d noticed and walked over to them with bags of food. “Do you want to go to ours to eat and then I can walk you home or do you want us to walk you home now?” John asked as Jamie stood and helped Claire up. The chain was still hanging from the front loop and she unclipped and traded it for the bags Louise was holding.

“I’ll go to yours if that’s alright still? I left my hoodie there anyway.” Claire said as Jamie took the bags from her.

“Let’s go before the food gets cold.” John said. Louise fell into step with John leaving her alone with Jamie.

“To answer yer earlier question, I moved for uni. I got accepted into the Business program. I want to start a whisky business back home. What brought ye here? Why Scotland I mean?” Jamie asked as he shifted the bags to his other hand and held his arm out for her.

She flushed and took his arm, “My uncle was an archaeologist and we came to Scotland a few times for his research. I fell in love with the landscape, it’s beautiful out here. I got accepted into the Plant Studies program and moved as soon as I finished Sixth Form exams. I got a job at an herb and flower shop and stayed in a room they had for rent before school started.”

“Ye dinna want to stay close to yer family?” Jamie asked.

“Ah, I don’t have anyone left. My parents died when I was a kid and my uncle died last year. It’s just me now.” Claire said trying not to get emotional. She didn’t know why she was telling him all this.

“I’m sorry. I didna ken, I wouldn’t have asked if I’d known.” Jamie said apologetically.

“Oh I know. I didn’t know what all John told you.” Claire shrugged, she knew he didn’t mean any harm.

“Not much to tell ye the truth. He mentioned to be gentle with ye and that they hadn’t scared ye off yet, knowing them that surprised me. They tend to get carried away.” Jamie laughed and held the door open for her to the flat.

Louise and John had left the front door unlocked and were already setting up. John had grabbed beers for everyone while Louise got plates.

They all settled into the living room, John turned on Netflix and picked a scary movie. Claire gave him a look but didn’t comment. She just took a sip of her beer and started to eat. If John was trying to make her jumpy, far be in from her to stop him. She was sitting next to Louise and they cuddled together when they finished eating. The movie hadn’t made her jump yet but her cell phone going off did, it was on silent and sitting on her lap so the vibration startled her and made her screech.

**Joe:** Fair warning to leave your dorm if you’re there.

**LJ:** I’m not home. Why though?

**Joe:** Just saw a slightly drunk Bella leaving a club with a guy in tow.

**LJ:** Ugh. Thanks for the heads up. I’ll stay elsewhere tonight.

**Joe:** By elsewhere do you mean John and Louise’s? 😉

**LJ:** Yes, actually.

**Joe:** I want full details tomorrow over breakfast.

**LJ:** I’ll be sure to fill you in on how nothing is going to happen.

**Joe:** Oh LJ live a little. You had fun last night didn’t you?

**LJ:** Yes, but I’m having an off day and don’t need my over emotional habits to come out during sexy times.

**Joe:** Have a few shots and let go. You don’t need to be in your head all the time. You’re wonderful.

**LJ:** Oh hush. How did it go with Gail today? Did you remember to text her?

**Joe:** I did, she’s who I’m at the club with. I haven’t drank anything and we’ve been dancing most of the night.

**LJ:** Well, stop texting me and go be with her!

**Joe:** Yes ma’am!

Claire locked her phone and put it away. She sighed and let her head fall on the back of the couch. She stood up and started picking up trash, John followed her into the kitchen with the empty beer bottles.

“Everything okay?” He asked and leaned against the counter.

She leaned against the island across from him, “Yeah, just Joe texting to tell me that he saw my roommate headed home with a guy.”

“Ah,” John said, “You’re more than welcome to stay here. I changed the sheets in the guest room today because I’m pretty sure Joe sweated out a distillery last night.”

“Thanks,” they hugged and Louise came into the room.

“Did something happen?” She asked.

“Oh no just can’t go home due to my roommate taking yet another guy to our dorm. Which is fine but I just wish she’d go to wherever they lived for once.”

“This does seem to happen too much. I get it. Sometimes you just want to sleep in your own bed without a porn playing next to you.” Louise said.

“Exactly! Do you mind if I use your shower?” Claire asked her.

“Of course, come on.” Louise grabbed Claire’s hand and took her to her bedroom. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I honestly don’t know. My head is all jumbled right now.” Claire said as she sat on Louise’s bed to take off her shoes.

“Need to talk it out?” Louise plopped onto her bed and laid facing Claire’s back.

“It’s just a lot happening very fast. I feel like I’m being a wet blanket. I think I’m just nervous and letting it get to me. I don’t know how to fix it.” Claire said as she took her hair down and then fell back onto the bed.

“I don’t think there’s anything to fix, _mon chéri._ If you aren’t in the mood for anything to happen you know it doesn’t have to.” Louise said while she played with Claire’s hair.

Claire turned on her side to Louise, “That’s the problem. I am in the mood. I feel like John is treating me with kid gloves and letting me take the lead. He also told Jamie to be gentle.” Claire sat up suddenly furious, “I don’t need to be babied. If I don’t want something I will say so. Until then can everyone just stop treating me like I’m made of glass?”

Louise laughed, “You’re right. I think John just didn’t want to overwhelm you and is being protective with you. He doesn’t know what you can or can’t handle yet.”

“Well, it’s making me feel self-conscious and needs to stop. I’m a big girl. Yes, I’m a tad damaged but honestly I never felt more alive than I did last night and I want to feel like that again dammit.”

Louise got up and rifled through her dresser, “Here’s some shorts and a tank top. Get changed, wash your face, and come back out. I’ll tell John to stop.” Louise sat back down for a moment then her entire face changed as an idea hit her. “How do you feel about Jenga?”

Claire started to take her pants off and stared at Louise. “Seriously? That’s you’re solution? Let’s play Jenga. Yes. That will get us riled up.”

“No no dear. Hold on.” Louise ran out of the room and came back shortly with a Jenga box.

Claire had changed shirts but was staring at the shorts in her hand. “Lou, do you have leggings?”

_“Oui,_ sorry I wasn’t even thinking about your scars.” She rummaged through the dresser again and tossed her a pair of black leggings. She sat down on the bed and dumped the blocks out. Each block had something different written on it. Anything from kinky things, very sexual things, truths, and . “Couple it with spin the bottle to pick who the other person is when needed and we’re set.”

“Should we get fucked up first?” Claire asked while putting her hoodie back on.

“No, because it kinky things we need to be clear-headed. Speaking of which, I fucked up last night by not giving you safe words and I’m so sorry for that. Stoplight system for now until you pick your own. Green is good, yellow is slowdown, and red is full stop. Since there’s two of us they probably won’t fight over who the alpha Dom is but be prepared for it just in case.” Louise put it all back in the box and waited for Claire to get out of the bathroom.

Meanwhile in the living room, John and Jamie were sitting quietly finishing their second beers when Louise stormed up to them. She plucked the bottles out of their hands and dumped them in the sink before making her way back to them where they sat with confused looks on their faces.

She stood with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face, “Both of you need to stop treating her like she’s going to break. Yes, she’s new. Yes, she’s a little scared. But she knows she can put a stop to it at anytime. Be the fucking amazing Doms I know you are and get your shit together.” She grabbed the Jenga box off the shelf and stomped back into her room.

They looked at each other and busted out laughing. John was the first to speak, “What the fuck just happened?”

“I dinna ken but I’ve never seen her like that and it was hot.” Jamie replied as he wiped tears from his eyes. “To be fair, she’s not wrong. Why are we both acting like this with her?”

That sobered John up, “You’re doing it because I asked you to. I’m doing it because I’ve seen her scars and heard her past and all I want to do is protect her from the world. I’ve never felt this protective over anyone except Louise before to be honest.”

Jamie nodded but he didn’t have time to reply because the girls came out of the bedroom. Louise set up the game of Jenna and Claire went to the kitchen to clean out a beer bottle.

The rules didn’t need to be explained to them, they’d played it many times and it usually ended with all everyone in bed together. “Wait, how do the sex positions work if everyone is clothed exactly?” Claire asked.

“Eventually everyone ends up naked, until then you just do them in whatever state of undress you are.” John answered her. “Before we begin, Louise did you tell her the safe words?”

_“Oui,_ I apologized for not doing it last night as well. I got carried away and didn’t think about it and I’m sorry.”

John put on some mellow music which was mostly ignored by all, first up was John. He pulled a block out and read aloud what it said, “Pick someone to remove an article of clothing. Am I actually picking someone for this or do I spin?”

“Just pick someone, ye act like ye dinna ken what ye’re doing. Please don’t make Louise yell again,” Jamie shifted closer to the table and studied the tower.

“For the attitude, take it off Fraser.” John quipped back.

“Rude.” Jamie said as he removed a single sock and threw it at John.

“Brat.” John batted the sock away before it hit him.

Jamie picked the next block, “remove an article of clothing. Seriously? I smell conspiracy.” He removed his other sock.

“I really feel like one sock isn’t sufficient. Who wears only one sock?” Claire challenged him. Jamie stood and removed his shirt and tossed it at her face. “Oh thanks, I needed a new shirt.” Jamie and John exchanged smirks while Louise laughed to herself. Claire was trying not to openly stare at Jamie now that his shirt was off, she was not succeeding. He was like a Greek statue, all muscle and the most magnificent V.

It was Louise’s turn, “Wear handcuffs until after your next turn.” Jamie grabbed the treasure box from the bookcase behind him and tossed a pair of cuffs to John.

“I don’t think I want to know what else is in there yet.” Claire leaned back so John could cuff Louise’s hands in the front. She leaned forward again and took a deep breath before picking a block. She read it to herself a few times trying process what was about to happen.

“Aloud Claire.” John whispered to her.

“5 ruler on wrist?” Claire looked up to John.

“Spin and pick a wrist.” He said as Jamie got the ruler from the chest.

Claire spun the bottle and it landed on Jamie. Both wrists had thin scars on them from burning herself. She always had a lighter with her, it was sitting in her hoodie pocket right now and she played with it while she debated which wrist. She pulled her left sleeve up and Jamie walked over, “Count out loud.” She nodded and dug her fingernails into her right palm. She loved the bite of it and it calmed her.

“One.” She jumped a little since her eyes had been closed.

Jamie pulled her chin up to get her attention. “Eyes on me please.”

Claire nodded and watched his face, “two.” This one stung a little bit but not much. “Three.” Jamie’s eyes darkened and she hit back a moan. It was his reaction to her wrist reddening that caused it. “Fuck,” she whispered, “I mean, four.” It was a little harder than the last one and his eyes were locked on her now. She wondered if he could tell she was enjoying it. “Five.” He rubbed her wrist a few times then sat back down.

It was Johns turn again, “Suck dildo until next turn.” Jamie tossed him a bright purple dildo and John set to his task.

Jamie picked yet another remove an article of clothing, he begrudgingly removed his pants with no comment.

Louise very carefully picked her next block, “Vibrating butt plug until next turn. Mon Dieu.” Jamie already had it out and was putting lube on it while Louise stood up and went over to him. She lifted her skirt and he pushed her underwear away to slowly insert it and then brought his phone out to set the vibration to medium. Louise returned to her seat.

Claire picked a block, “Kiss for 60 seconds.” She spun and it landed on Louise. She slid down to the floor next to Louise and leaned over to kiss her. She had one hand deep in her hair and the other was on the small of her back.

They were lost in one another until a hoarse, ”Time,” broke them from their revery. Jamie had a very obvious erection at this point.

John set the dildo on the table and ended up pulling a blank block, “Dealer’s choice. Lose ‘em Fraser.”

“Seriously?!” Jamie stood, removed his boxer briefs, and threw them at John’s head. He leaned over and picked his block, “Receive oral for 60 seconds.” He spun and it landed on Claire. She’d literally never done this before and had only seen Louise do it briefly last night.

Louise seemed to read her mind and whispered to her, “Hollow out your cheeks like you’re sucking a popsicle, he really likes having his balls sucked, and the male g spot is the same place as where Johns piercing is.” Claire nodded and stood to walk over to Jamie. She took a deep breath.

“Knees.” Jamie said to her. She obeyed and took him in her hand. She took another deep breath and licked the top gently. She took the head in her mouth and sucked a bit harder. She licked from the base to the tip and then took him fully into her mouth. He hit the back of her throat and she sucked hard for a few seconds before she needed to breath. He had her hair in one of his hands to keep it out of the way and she took him all the way in again. “Fuck,” Jamie whispered.

Claire almost didn’t stop when she heard John call time. She took him once more to the base, her nose brushed his pubic piercing and then she released him. A bit of precum had come out of the tip so she licked it off as he groaned. She stood up and sat back down on the couch.

“Do ye not have a gag reflex at all?!” Jamie asked completely flustered and breathing heavily still.

“Not really, I was intubated for so long after the accident that it is massively desensitized. It was supposed to come back after 5 years but it never did.” Claire informed the room with a shrug.

John cleared his throat and said, “I didn’t tell Jamie about your accident, I figured it was your story to tell.”

“Oh, well I told you earlier that my parents died when I was young. It was a car accident, I was in the car too and my seatbelt malfunctioned and I was thrown from the car. I was in the hospital for 2 years and intubated for the first 6 months because I was in a medically induced coma so I could heal.” She said all of it like it was no big deal of course.

Jamie had gone soft at that point and had quietly turned Louise’s plug off. “Jesus, ye are a brave wee thing.” He added, “At least something good came out of it though.” He tried (and failed) to wink at her but it was just an owlish blink.

“The fact that I don’t have a gag reflex is definitely a plus I guess.” She laughed about it, honestly she was relieved he’d said it because she hated being pitied.

“No one has ever been able to do that to me before, it was amazing.” Jamie said.

“Hey I’ve gotten close before! It’s not our fault you’re fucking gigantic,” Louise whined.

Louise picked her block, “Use honorifics the rest of the game.”

“Honorifics?” Claire asked.

_“Oui,_ I call John _Maître_ and Jamie goes by Mac Dubh or Mac for short.” Louise supplied.

“I prefer Sir but honestly Louise is the only long term sub I’ve had so she gets special treatment.” John added.

Claire picked her block and dread filled her entire body, “Get entirely naked. I think I win the most bullshit block thus far.”

“I feel yer pain, Sassenach.” Jamie commiserated with her.

Claire took off all her clothes then sat back down on the tank top to spare their couch from the wet spot she was going to inevitably leave. Louise leaned on her knee and held her ankle to comfort her. Claire was hunched forward to prevent most of her body from being seen. She did catch Jamie looking at her a few times.

John pulled the give hickey block and landed on Claire. He made her sit back and placed it over her right hip bone. Jamie’s erection had returned and he emitted a loud rumble when John made a popping sound when he removed his mouth from her skin.

“None of that Jamie, you’ve built up a reputation for sharing. Don’t spoil it now.” John said as he sat back down.

Jamie’s next block was touch yourself until your next turn. He sighed and took himself in his hand, he made eye contact with Claire and she squirmed in her seat and worried her lip ring.

Louise’s next block was bounce on dildo until next round. She grabbed it off the table, licked the suction on the bottom, and stuck it to the floor. She moved her underwear and slid down easily. She moaned loudly before rising up and dropping down again. She put her hand back on Claire’s ankle and used it as leverage.

Claire picked a block, “Receive oral until your next turn.” She spun the bottle and it landed on Jamie. He wasted zero time jumping up and over the table to get to her. He dropped down on his knees and pulled her towards him. He put her knees over his shoulder and in the process knocked over the tower. Claire’s laugh died in her throat as he gave her a lazy lick and then spit on her clit before sucking it into his mouth. Claire was immediately gone, she heard John say something and felt Louise move away from her but the only thing that registered for her was Jamie’s mouth.

John picked Louise up and deposited her on the couch next to Claire, he turned the plug back on before stripping her from the waist down while she took everything else off. John went to work on Louise while Jamie was attending to Claire. John and Jamie locked eyes and a silent challenge was set, whoever comes first wins.

Jamie took the challenge head on and slid one finger into Claire, she had her hands buried in his soft hair pulling him closer to her, she was already on the edge of an orgasm. He slid another finger in and began thrusting into her. Her hips were bucking and he put his other arm on her hips to keep her pinned. Claire released one hand from his hair and grabbed Louise’s hand. She was about to come and she was honestly worried she was going to lose consciousness. Jamie slid his pinky into her asshole and the other two fingers he moved in a slight come hither motion and it rocket Claire past her orgasm, she screamed his name and liquid gushed out of her. He continued to use his fingers to draw it out and latched onto her clit again. It immediately sent her into a 2nd orgasm and more fluid poured out of her. She was desperately trying to hold onto her consciousness while he lapped up as much liquid as he could, it was a losing battle though. He gave one more lazy lick over her lips and clit and her over sensitized body gave out and the blackness creeped in.

When she came to a few minutes later Jamie was holding her in his lap in a chair and Louise was finally coming. Jamie buried his nose in her ear and asked, “Ye okay, _mo nighean donn?”_

Her body was still spasming and all she could do was nod and take deep breaths.

John had gotten up to get Claire and Louise water. When he returned he looked at the couch and then at Jamie and said, “You owe me a new couch.”

Claire felt Jamie’s chuckle deep in his chest, she could also feel his heartbeat. She placed her hand over his heart and fell asleep in his arms.

She woke up a few hours later in the guest room alone. She got up and went to the bathroom. She started to go down the hall but stopped when she heard voices. It was John, Jamie, and Louise still awake.

“I havena felt like this in years.” She heard Jamie say.

“You haven’t had blue balls in years? I’m not surprised.” John said with a laugh.

“Not that ye numpty. When I touched her at the club it felt like my skin was on fire. Then again outside the diner I swear to ye that there’s a charge when we touch.” Jamie sounded confused and dumbfounded.

“My god Jamie. You sound like you’re in love.” John said and Louise giggled.

“Am I? It’s been so long since I felt anything remotely like this. I mean, I love ye both dearly but this... this feels so different. Even from when I was in secondary and Laoghaire ripped my heart out by vanishing after she told me she was pregnant. I found out later she got an abortion and that the bairn wasna even mine. It’s different from that. I wanna move the sun and moon for her. I wanna take care of her.” Jamie continued to ramble but she didn’t hear anything else.

Laoghaire. How in the hell did she get mixed up into this? Do all Scots know each other for crying out loud?! Claire wanted to run. She wanted to go to her dorm and curl up and cry. She wanted to find her lighter and make herself feel something else. Anything else than what she was feeling now.

She ran back to the guest room and slammed and locked the door. She looked all over the room for her hoodie and couldn’t find it. It must still be on the couch. She sat down on the bed hard and hated that she was naked. She ripped the sheet off the bed and wrapped herself in it. She pressed her fingernails into her palms as hard as she could. She felt blood start to drip from her hands so she shifted and pressed somewhere else. She couldn’t hold the wave of nausea at bay and ran to the bathroom to empty her stomach.

In her state she never heard them calling her name and knocking on the door. She didn’t hear when Jamie broke down the bedroom door, saw the blood on the floor and the small trail to the bathroom. When they finally got to her she was passed out again on the floor, there was blood on the toilet and toilet paper.

Jamie carried her to the bed and Louise cleaned and bandaged her hands. John and Louise left the room while Jamie tucked her closer to him. He had no clue what happened but he knew she wouldn’t wake up alone again. She would never wake up alone again if he had a say in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Gaelic**  
>  _mo nighean donn_ \- my brown haired lass
> 
> **French**  
>  _chaton_ \- kitten  
>  _Oui_ \- yes  
>  _mon chéri_ \- my darling  
>  _mon Dieu_ \- my god  
>  _Maître_ \- Master  
>  _Merde_ \- shit, fuck


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Claire discovers Jamie's connections to Laoghaire. They come to an understanding of sorts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We need to keep in mind that Claire is struggling with a variety of issues: abandonment, self-esteem, depression, anxiety, you get the drift.  
> I hope you're enjoying the story so far.  
> Every time I post I am terribly nervous but so far I haven't received any backlash for which I'm incredibly grateful.
> 
> The Crown season 4 started today so that's why this was delayed a bit.

Jamie woke up before Claire, she was on her stomach and he was on his side with a hand on her very plump arse, the sheet had fallen down leaving her entire back exposed. His breath hitched in his throat as he saw it in the light for the first time. He propped himself up on his elbow to take a better look. The scars on her thighs and stomach were very small and barely noticeable unless you were up close, which he had been last night. Her back was very noticeable, there were very few smooth parts from the skin grafts but overall it was a mess. A beautiful mess.

He lazily traced the scars until he felt her body tense up. She was awake and scared.

He shifted over her and kissed the tattoo first, he was rewarded with a breathy, “Jamie”. He then peppered kisses down her spine, he paid special attention to the worst ones, and when he got to the small of her back he pulled the sheet completely off her.

“Remember the safe words?” He asked her as he kissed and nibbled her arse.

He looked up and saw her head nod into the pillow.

He moved her knees apart, knelt between them, and pulled her up by her hips to bring her to his mouth. She let out a squeak and he chuckled. He was taking his time to work her up, he wanted at least one orgasm from her before he proceeded. He gave flat licks from her clit to her entrance before burying his nose just inside her and circling her clit with his tongue. She started to buck against him and he held her hips steady with both hands.

He stuck his tongue inside her and swirled it around while his thumb went to her clit, she moaned loudly this time. He rubbed fast and hard, he licked up to her asshole before he flipped onto his back and slid underneath her. He put his hands up to her ribs and pushed her up so she was sitting on his face and he could look up at her. He kept one hand on her waist to hold her close and the other moved to her breast. He squeezed lightly and she hissed in pain. He sucked her clit hard and she was riding him, she was so close, he knew because she was moaning his name in time with her movements. He very gently flicked one nipple and the pain sent her very loudly over the edge. He lapped at her entrance and licked her folds until she stopped shaking.

He put his hands back to her ribs and lowered her down. He wanted to kiss her badly but he needed to show her how sexy she was, even if she didn’t agree. He let her hips fall down to the bed while he went to the nightstand drawer to get out a condom and rolled it on. She was still breathing heavily when he pulled her arse back up and positioned himself behind her.

Claire was still hazy as he notched himself right at her entrance. She desperately wanted to continue feeling like this and pushed herself up on her forearms to give herself more leverage while she tried pushing herself back to take more of him in but his hands held her in place. He slowly moved just the tip in and out and it was driving her absolutely crazy.

“Jamie, please baby.” Claire whined as she tried again to push back.

“I’m not baby, ask fer what ye want, Claire. I want to hear ye beg fer it.” Jamie’s accent was thicker than before, it must be a side effect of him being turned on.

“Please fuck me, Mac.” She said with a moan.

“Put yer arms down, push back again and this stops. Come before I tell ye to and it stops.” He growled as he slammed into her so hard she toppled forward and off her arms. He slowly pulled back out of her and slid back in slower this time.

Claire had never felt more full in her life. She wanted him to speed up, she wanted him to slap her arse, and leave bruises so she could feel him the rest of the week. She would probably let him do whatever he wanted to her honestly.

One of her wishes came true immediately, he was digging his fingers so hard into her hips that she knew they’d leave marks. He still hadn’t moved again and she was growing antsy. She felt something cold hit her arsehole and his thumb rubbed around it before popping in. She jumped a little in surprise.

Jamie leaned forward a bit to kiss her back and slid even deeper inside her, “Color?”

It took Claire a moment to figure out what he was asking, “Green! Please, Mac.”

He chuckled and pushed his thumb to the 1st knuckle as he began to thrust in and out of her still too slowly. He pushed it all the way in as his pace quickened. She was mewling at this point. She wanted more, so much more. Before she knew it his hips were slamming into her at a brutal speed, she grunted on each thrust in and whined when he pulled out. He put his other hand on her shoulder to hold her steady and she turned her face to his hand and bit down on his finger.

He stopped moving and pulled his thumb out and she whined at the loss of pressure. He slapped her right arse cheek and massaged the mark. She cried out from surprise and moved forward a bit.

He grabbed her hip again with the hand that was on her shoulder, “Color?”

“Jesus H Roosevelt Christ, it’s green.” She propped herself back on her forearms so she could turn her head to look at him, “I’m fine. I like what you’re doing. I want more. Give me whatever you are willing to give, I will tell you if it’s too much.” She couldn’t explain why she trusted this man so quickly, she just did. She knew he wouldn’t hurt her on some deep level.

He didn’t need to be told again, he also trusted her to tell him if she was done or couldn’t handle it. He remembered Louise reprimanding them for babying her last night. He pulled mostly out of her before slamming her back into the bed. “I said, off your arms,” and slapped her left cheek harder than he had her right. He once again rubbed the mark before pulling out of her and sliding off the bed. He quickly walked to the foot of the bed, grabbed her thighs, pulled her towards him, flipped her over, and entered her all in under 5 seconds. Claire was disoriented and surprised by the new position and cried out. He stopped for a moment to watch her face, no pain crossed it, just surprise.

Jamie straightened her legs and criss crossed them over his chest. She was already so close to the edge, but his constant stopping and starting made it to where she hovered right on the cusp for ages. He held onto her thighs as he set a punishing pace. He was growling as he watched her breasts bounce up and down with his rhythm. Her hair was fanned out behind her and she was covered in sweat. The scars on her stomach told the story of someone brave and strong.

He was done playing with her, he spread her legs wide and she wrapped them around him as he picked her up and sat down with her in his lap. She had the control now and she had no clue what to do but this is what she’d wanted since she’d seen him in the piercing booth. She put one hand on his shoulder and used it as leverage to move up and down the length of him. He helped her along with his hands under her ass. He licked his thumb and put it behind her so when she thrust down again it went inside her arse. “Come for me, Sassenach.” He whispered in her ear.

Instead of thrusting she started grinding against his pubic piercing, it gave her just the right amount of friction coupled with his new one that it took no time at all for her to reach her orgasm. As soon as she was over the first part he removed his thumb and moved her up and down hard and fast enough that his piercings kept pushing her further into the orgasm. What started as fire ended up explosive as her inner muscles tightened around him causing him to come as well. When she finally stopped screaming his name she collapsed on top of him.

He laid back while he was still inside her and ran his fingers over her back to soothe her. She didn’t tense up or pull away, she just melted further into him.

Once her breathing returned to normal he stood up and laid her back on the bed as he slid out of her. He went to go to the bathroom and she grabbed his hand. “Please don’t leave me yet.”

“Give me 15 seconds. I’m not leaving the room, just going into the bathroom.” He kissed her forehead and went to deposit the condom in the trash in the bathroom before going back to her. He slid in behind her and gathered her close. “What happened last night, Sassenach?”

She rolled over to face him and cupped his cheek, “What do you mean?”

He propped himself up on his elbow while one hand stayed on her waist tracing small circles around a scar on her side, “Weel, I brought ye in here when ye fell asleep on me. I went out to talk to John and Louise when all of a sudden we heard the door slam but nothing else so I came to check on ye. The door was locked though and I had to break it down to get in and there was blood on the bed and floor. Ye were passed out in the bathroom and so I brought ye back to bed. Louise cleaned and bandaged yer hands.”

Claire took a deep breath before she spoke, “I heard you mention Laoghaire and I got overwhelmed and scared. I’m sorry I frightened you.”

Jamie looked at her confused, he brushed a curl behind her ear. “Do ye ken the lass then?”

Claire let out a sigh, “If it’s the same person you were talking about, yes. Not as well as you but I definitely know her. A little shorter than me with blonde hair and blue eyes?”

Jamie only nodded.

Claire told him everything then, how they dated and she was the first person she had ever shown her back to and the subsequent heartbreak. She couldn’t hold back the tears as she told him and when he tried to comfort her she pulled away and got out of bed. She just wanted a warm shower and to go home.

“Sassenach, please come back.” Jamie reached for her and grabbed her hand.

She wrenched it away and said, “Don’t fucking call me that. I don’t need your fake fucking pity, Mac.” She spit out his Dom name with venom. “I don’t even know why you’re still here. You got what you wanted, you don’t do whatever this is.” She waved at her face that was red with tears and rage. “I don’t need you to fix me, I’m fine.”

She turned on her heel and stomped to the bathroom. She started the shower and stared at herself in the mirror on the door. She looked like a wreck. Her hair was a tangled bird’s nest. Her nose was red and eyes were swollen. She could see the bruises on her hips and turned around to look over her shoulder and saw the red marks on her arse. She sighed and ran her hand over her stomach scars and the large scar down her thigh. She slowly removed the bandages on her hands and surveyed the half moon scabs from being overwhelmed. She picked a scab off and watched the blood come up. She was insecure and self-destructive but she really didn’t need him to fix her.

Jamie fell back on the bed and carded his hands through his hair. She was a prickly one that was for sure but she earned it at least. He wanted to scoop her up and hide her from all the pain she kept bottled up. He heard the shower start and moved to the edge of the bed. He didn’t know what to do, should he give her space or force himself in? The reputation he’d cultivated told him to leave but he felt a pull to her.

He got up and knocked lightly on the door, she didn’t answer. He knocked again and heard her get into the shower. He sighed and cracked open the door, the bloody bandages were in the bin and there was a smear of blood on the glass shower door.

“Claire, I’m sorry if I upset ye. I was just trying to comfort ye. I ken ye dinna need me to fix ye and I dinna think ye need fixing. I just understand the monster that Laoghaire can be. Will ye listen at least?” He waited at the door for her to answer.

She had her back to him and he could see her scars through the door. He just wanted to kiss them away, what the fuck was wrong with him?

“I don’t need to hear it Jamie, I heard it all last night. I’m sorry that Laoghaire hurt you but I can’t do this. I’m fine on my own, thank you for this morning, it was great. Please just... go.” Claire was struggling to hold the tears back until he finally shut the door and she was alone.

She slid down to the floor and rocked herself against the cold tiles. She stayed like that until the water ran cold and she heard the click of the door again. She popped her head up and there was Louise standing in a robe with another on her arm and cup of coffee. She stood up and turned the water off before stepping out. She slid into the robe and set the coffee on the counter.

Louise stepped forward and opened her arms, Claire stepped into them and cried all over again. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me Lou. I don’t know why I just pushed him away like I did. I don’t know why I can’t trust him.”

Louise rubbed her back and shushed her while they rocked back and forth. “Jamie told us what happened, I’m so sorry Claire. It’s absolute crazy that you have that connection to one another. I’m not saying you have to trust him overnight but Jamie is a great person. He’s honorable and fiercely loyal even if he isn’t into relationships. You don’t have to be more than friends and you don’t even have to be that if you don’t want to. Come on, let’s get you dried off and into some clean clothes before we eat.”

“Is he still here or did I successfully scare him off?” Claire asked even though she really hoped she hadn’t.

“He’s helping John make breakfast actually. He said he wanted to walk you home so just think about it.” Louise said as she plopped on the bed. “This room reeks of sex. How was it?”

Claire signed wistfully and fell onto the bed beside her. “Louise, I was thoroughly fucked and feel like I could die happy. I would have let him do anything to me and I think that scared the hell out of me.”

“I get that. We are raised thinking good girls shouldn’t like this. We’re not supposed to like having our ass slapped or choked. We aren’t supposed to crave being tied up or held down. We aren’t supposed to like being chased and fucked against a wall. We do though. There isn’t anything wrong with it either. The orgasms are so fucking good too.”

Claire laughed and said, “I can’t disagree with you there. I think I actually squirted last night and I had no clue that him playing with my arse like that would make me come so hard.”

“Wait until you’re fucked in both at the same time. It’s overwhelming and amazing and those two are especially good at it.” Louise stood up and helped Claire stand, “I’m going to go get dressed and you should do the same.” She kissed her cheek and left the room.

Claire stood in front of the bed and leaned on one of the posts, she was so lost in thought that she didn’t hear Jamie come in.

“Can we talk?” Jamie asked behind her. Claire jumped and screamed a little then hit the post with her head. She started laughing at herself and collapsed onto the floor in hysterics.

Jamie was leaning against the door waiting. He had a half smile on his face as he watched her collect herself. She straightened her robe and then sat down on the edge of the bed, almost in the same spot as earlier.

“I’m sorry I lost my temper. No one has touched my scars but doctors. It was overwhelming. I’m learning a lot about myself lately and I haven’t had a lot of downtime to process it all to be honest.” Claire said as she fiddled with the robe tie and worried her lip ring.

“I’m sorry ye overheard that last night. I’m also sorry Laoghaire hurt ye. She’s a mean lass and I hate that she was the first encounter for yer heart, I ken how that feels.” He was still leaning on the door as she stuck out her hand. He gave her a confused look.

“Friends?” Claire said and wiggled her fingers.

He pushed himself off the door and took her hand but instead of shaking it he pulled her up to him. He put one finger under her chin and made her look him in the eye. “I dinna want to be yer friend, Sassenach. I want to be yer Master.” His mouth was hovering over hers and she tried to close the gap but he pulled back. “I need yer answer.”

“I thought you didn’t do contracts anymore.” Claire tried to pull away but he didn’t let her hand go. He took his other hand and grabbed her hip.

“I don’t usually but if yer going to learn who better to teach ye than someone who kens exactly how ye hurt? I ken how she is and how to help. It doesna have to be sexual if ye dinna want that, although I hope ye do.” He ran a thumb across her bottom lip and her breath caught in her throat. He ran his hand down her arm and held up her hand palm up. “I ken her hurting and I ken ye did this on purpose. Ye need someone to hold ye accountable fer things but isna here to judge ye.” He brought her palm to his lips and kissed each mark she had left.

Claire rested her forehead on Jamie’s shoulder as fresh tears bubbled over. She nodded her head and he brought her chin up again. He kissed each tear away and then claimed her mouth. It was gentle and not enough for her. He pulled away when she tried to deepen the kiss.

“Get dressed, Sassenach. We’ll eat breakfast and then I’ll walk ye home. We can hash out the details on the way and then meet up fer coffee tomorrow.” He patted her bottom and left the room.

Claire got dressed quickly in the same leggings as last night and one of Louise’s shirts. Her hoodie was on the chair and she put it on and checked for the lighter in the pocket, it was still there. She took it out and flicked it a few times contemplating whether to use it but decided to put it back. She left the room to join them for breakfast.

After breakfast, Claire put on her leather jacket and grabbed the bag that Louise was letting her borrow. She had put some clothes in that she never wore anymore including what Claire had worn the night before. She thanked and hugged Louise and John before heading out with Jamie.

Jamie kept his hands on his pockets so she followed suit. “So, how do we go about this? What did you have in mind?”

“Ye need to figure out yer hard and soft limits first.” Jamie said as they turned a corner.

“What exactly is a hard and soft limit?” Claire asked quietly, trying not to get frustrated with her own ignorance.

“Soft limits are things ye havena done and hard limits are things ye absolutely willna do. So, I’m just gonna rattle things off and ye say aye, nay, or maybe fer a general idea.” He guided her to a bench in the park they were passing and got out his phone. “I’m gonna take some wee notes.”

“Okay.” Claire fidgeted a bit and wrapped her hand around the lighter in her pocket.

“Whipping?”  
“No.”  
“Caning?”  
“No.”  
“Impact play of any sort?”  
“I liked the spanking and the wrist last night but I don’t want it on my back.”  
“What about a wee flogger or riding crop confined to thighs or yer arse?”  
“Maybe.”  
“So, two hard limits discovered and 1 soft.”  
“What’s next?” Claire asked while she took her leather jacket off.

Jamie moved to her ear and whispered, “Anal?” He knew the answer but he wanted to see her reaction.

His breath on her neck sent a shiver down her spine and she pictured what Louise had said that morning about having both John and Jamie at the same time. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing before she answered him. “Eventually.”

Jamie chuckled and sat back, “Blindfold?”  
“Yes.”  
“Branding?”  
“No.”  
“Gags?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Choking?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Fisting?”  
“No.”  
“Orgasm control?”  
“Yes.”  
“Wax play?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Primal?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Bondage?”  
“Yes.”  
“Suspension?”  
“Maybe.”  
“Ice play?”  
“Maybe.”

“I think that’s covered everything I’m willing to do.” Jamie said as he locked and put away his phone.

“I’m quite surprised to hear that there are things you’re unwilling to do.” Claire said with a chuckle.

“Everyone has limits. Mine are bodily fluids.” He said with a shudder.

“But last night... you made me...” She stopped talking because a woman with a pram walked by and Claire went bright red.

Jamie doubled over in laughter before saying, “Aye, that one is absolutely encouraged. It’s the others that can stay in the loo where they belong. I also don’t do blood play or humiliation.”

“I see. Well, that’s all understandable. What punishments should I anticipate?”

“Hah, I dinna ken yet to be honest. I wouldna tell ye if I did anyway.” He bumped her arm with his elbow.

“Anything else we need to discuss?”

“Aye, ye need to ken what I want.”

“Well, whatever it is it’s definitely not happening here.” Claire said with a snort.

“Nay, lass. I just mean in general. I ken ye work and are in school but I want ye to text me when ye get home. I willna demand ye to call me Mac if we are in public but ye must call me Sir.” He leaned close to her ear again and whispered, “I will push ye to yer limits but I will also give ye the most exquisite pleasure ye will ever have.” He sat back and continued speaking at normal volume, “Last night and this morning will happen often. I will ruin ye for anyone in the future.”

Claire’s breathing was heavy and she was worrying her lip ring back and forth. “Anything else I should be aware of?”

“I ken ye are wanting more piercings and tattoos and that’s all fine, ye canna be with anyone else unless I say, and absolutely no masterbating either. I control when ye come.”

“I don’t plan to start now.” Claire said as a blush creeped up again.

“Ye mean to tell me ye’ve never?” Jamie stared at her incredulously.

She shrugged it away. “I have always shared a room with someone. When would I? The communal shower at boarding school or when my roommate is on the other side of our tiny bathroom?”

“Well, we’ll have to do something about that.” Jamie said it like he already had ideas going through his head, which he did, he definitely did.

Jamie stood up and then helped Claire up, she lay her jacket on the duffle and he took her hand. They walked the rest of the way to her dorm in silence. When they got to her door she shuffled in the bag for her keys. Before she could fish them out he grabbed her and pushed her into an alcove across the hall and against the wall. They were hidden enough but if anyone walked back they’d be seen.

“There’s one more thing, Sassenach.” He ran his nose along her jaw until it was buried in her hair next to her ear, he breathed her in and then shifted back to look her in the eye. Her chest was moving up and down quickly and her breasts rubbed against his chest, he stepped in just a little closer so she was completely pinned. He grabbed her wrist and pulled it up and shoved the sleeve down to expose the burn scars there. “This doesna happen anymore. Ye feel overwhelmed ye call me. If ye canna reach me ye call John. Do ye understand?” His voice was firm and his grip was like iron. All she did was nod. “I need yer words, Claire.”

“I understand.” She had her head down and she was trying to hold back tears.

He once again put a finger under her chin to make eye contact, it was quickly becoming a favorite of hers, the tiny bit of control sent her heart beating faster. “Sir.” Jamie said it while his mouth hovered over hers.

She smirked and said, “I understand, Sir.”

His mouth crashed into hers. She tried to pull him even closer and he grabbed her other wrist and slid them both up over her head and he pulled back from the kiss. “Ye dinna pull, ye dinna initiate, ye have patience. Ye make no demands, ye do as yer told when yer told to do it. Ye ken?”

She was beyond turned on and the gold in her eyes was just a sliver at this point. “Yes, sir.”

He move her legs slightly apart with his knee and pushed it underneath her. He loosened his grip enough so she could rest her core on his thigh. He rubbed it back and forth slowly and put his hands on her hips to guide her to grind against him. He kissed behind her ear and down her throat. They were in barely hidden. Anyone could walk by at any time, her roommate could come out of their room even. Her hips were working against him of their own accord by now so he ran his hands under her shirt and up to her breasts. He rubbed her nipples with his thumbs as he cupped her breasts, they puckered and rose to attention. He was careful not to snag the new piercings and rubbed the bar under her skin lightly.

“Please, Jamie, I want you inside me.” Her voice was breathy and she was so close.

“No. I want to watch ye.” He could tell she was holding back, not wanting to let go fully. “Let go, Sassenach. I have ye. Let go.” He pinched her nipples just slightly and that’s all it took for her to fall apart. He sealed his mouth over hers in o swallow her moan. He kissed each cheek when her breathing regulated before removing his knee.

He held her steady as she found her feet. His kissed her deeply one more time before he turned and walked away. She sighed and pushed herself off the wall, she put her hand in her pocket and felt the lighter.

She ran out into the hall to stop him and he was about to round the corner to the stairs. “Jamie, wait!” She caught up with him and he turned to her. “You should probably take this.” She handed the lighter over to him, kissed his cheek, and went back to her room. Jamie pocketed the lighter and headed home.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The angst begins. You didn't think it would smooth sailing the whole time did you?

Jamie usually lived alone but his younger brother Rabbie was crashing in his guest room temporarily. He was taking a gap year and working at a bar down the street. Their parents weren’t happy about it but Jamie knew if Rabbie didn’t spread his wings a bit he’d be miserable and likely to cut them off.

When Jamie got home he dumped his keys onto the side table and toed off his shoes. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer and plopped himself on a bar stool. He rested his elbows on the counter and carded his hands through his hair and scrubbed his face with his palms. It was just now midday and he was already exhausted.

He removed the lighter from his pocket and fiddled with it. He sat with his thoughts and his beer until Rabbie shuffled into the kitchen.

“Just getting up?” He drained his beer and rinsed it in the sink before setting it in the recycling bin

“Aye, just getting home?” Rabbie loved challenging Jamie when it came to him being gone all night. “Did ye take up smoking?”

Jamie turned around and Rabbie was spinning the lighter on the counter. He chuckled and snatched it off the counter to return to his pocket. “Nay, it’s a friends. She didn’t need it anymore.”

“Sure, a friend.” Rabbie rolled his eyes at his older brother. Jamie never brought anyone home while Rabbie was living with him but Jamie was rarely home on the weekends so he could only assume.

“Do ye work tomorrow?” Jamie asked as he released him.

“Nah, Mam wants us to come to lunch tomorrow so I took it off. Yer coming right?” Rabbie went into the fridge and got out a jug of ice coffee and cream.

“I have a meeting in the morning but then I’m free. What time are ye heading up?” Jamie handed him two glasses from the cupboard above the sink.

Rabbie took the glasses and filled them with ice before adding the coffee and cream. “I was thinking 11 so we could be there by 1? Is that okay?” He handed Jamie back the now full glass.

“Should be fine, I’ll let ye ken if I need more time but I dinna think I will.” Jamie dipped his iced coffee and his fingers were tapping against his thigh.

“Jamie, what’re ye freaking out about? Is it this meeting? Did something happen last night at work?”

“I just have a lot on my mind, ye ken? I’m gonna go for a run and then I have some stuff to do before work tonight. Saturday’s are never fun. Do ye need a ride to work?” Jamie drained his glass and rinsed it.

“No, but I will need a ride home probably. Will ye even be coming home tonight?” Rabbie asked as he started to make himself some porridge.

“Aye, I will be coming home tonight Mam.” Jamie fixed him with a glare before heading to his room to change. His phone went off before he left the house though.

LJG: How’d this morning go?  
JAMMF: I’ll be typing up the contract after I go for a run. She gave me her lighter. I dinna ken what to do with it.  
LJG: I don’t know Jamie.  
JAMMF: I told her to call me if she feels the need to hurt herself and to call ye if she canna reach me.  
LJG: Good, anything I need to know about the contract?  
JAMMF: Why? Are ye wanting her again already?  
LJG: Maybe. She was fantastic and I’m still pissed about this morning. Could you have at least not been so loud? I had to practically tie Louise down to keep her from joining.  
JAMMF: I’m sure that was a hardship for ye both. I needed her to ken her scars didna matter. Laoghaire was the girlfriend btw.  
LJG: Jesus fuck, what the fuck kind of coincidence is that?!  
JAMMF: Idk, but maybe I’m uniquely qualified to help her.  
LJG: Are you monitoring tonight or do I need to again?  
JAMMF: Well I can talk again so I may as well. I’m picking up Rabbie afterwards though. Even though the contract isna signed yet I am just coming back home, I dinna want to give her a reason not to trust me.  
LJG: I’m sure Geneva and Annalise will be disappointed. I seriously don’t know how you put up with them. Isobel is worth 10 of them and I can’t wait for her to come back from her parents.  
JAMMF: Ye only say that because ye hate monitoring. I wish Geneva would have gone with her but they’re still pissed about Annalise.  
LJG: I’ll see you tonight. Are you off the table as well btw?  
JAMMF: For now, aye. It won’t always be this way. Just let me get her comfortable with everything. I’ll miss ye though.  
LJG: Whatever, let me know if you need my help with anything. 😉  
JAMMF: I will. I’m going for a run now.

Jamie got off the couch and put his earbuds in as he left the house. He put on his favorite running playlist and took off. He let everything fall away as he ran. He wasn’t worrying about Claire or John. He didn’t care what Rabbie was doing or if he was visiting home enough. He ran for 45 minutes before turning back and running home.

He took a long shower and went to his desk to work on his laptop. He typed out the contract and then sent a text to Claire to ask if she wanted a hard copy or just an email. He put some music on in the kitchen and set about making some food for himself. He heard his phone go off from his room as he sat down to eat. He thought about going to get it but then another text came through. He decided she needed to learn some patience and took his time eating.

He heard his phone go off 5 more times before he was done eating.

Sassenach: Email is fine.  
Sassenach: Do you have mine?  
Sassenach: Of course you do, I forgot we synced this morning.  
Sassenach: I’m sorry I’m rambling.  
Sassenach: I was dying for you to text me. Is it at all possible for me to see you tonight?  
Sassenach: JHRC I’m coming off as a lovesick teenager.  
Sassenach: You’re probably regretting this already.  
Mac: I was eating. Calm.  
Sassenach: Sorry.  
Mac: I have to work tonight. Aren’t ye at work?  
Sassenach: Yes, but it’s slow right now and I’m in the greenhouse. I’m off at 9.  
Mac: John’s dancing tonight and I’ll be monitoring but yer welcome to come up. How are yer wee hands?  
Sassenach: They’re fine. They weren’t very deep to be honest and most of the scabs have already come off.  
Mac: Good. Do ye want me to pick ye up on my way to the club?  
Sassenach: I didn’t know you had a car.  
Mac: I share one with my wee brother.  
Sassenach: I see. Well, I can walk if it’s an issue?  
Mac: Dinna fash, Sassenach. I’ll be there at 9. I’ll email the contract to ye now. Ye can do the virtual signature if it’s to yer satisfaction or ask questions if it’s not.  
Sassenach: Yes, sir. 😉  
Mac: Cheeky. See ye at 9.

Claire had been keeping pretty busy since Jamie left her at her dorm. Her roommate had questioned her over why she hadn’t come home for the 2nd night in a row. Claire said she stayed at a friends house and then put on her headphones. She researched BDSM contracts and more information on Dom/sub lifestyles. Since she’d be doing this as more than just bedroom play she wanted to learn as much as she could. She had to work at 1 so she had a bit of time before she needed to get ready.

At some point Claire drifted off to sleep and woke up to her alarm that she’d set to remind her for work. She jumped out of bed and went into the bathroom to put on some light makeup. She tamed her hair into a low bun. She dressed in a sapphire blue racer back bralette with matching lace underwear, she wasn’t sure if she would get to see Jamie again but she hoped she would. She put on an old black tshirt that had cuts sliced through the chest and black jeans. She added her studded belt and low top black chucks. She put on her hoodie but left the leather jacket this time.

As she walked to work she thought about what the hell she was doing. She didn’t normally care or match but she had the underwear from when she was with Laoghaire, even though she’d never had a chance to wear it, it was somewhat fitting that Jamie would see it. She wasn’t this person but she honestly wasn’t bothered by it. She liked who she was becoming and she really liked sex.

She was only working with one other person tonight and so she planned to work mostly in the greenhouse. She was setting up some seed starters when her phone went off. She took off her gloves and fished it out of her back pocket. It was from Jamie and she rattled off a reply and then kept replying because she was so excited to hear from him that she completely forgot her head. After no response from him she put it back in her pocket and continued working.

She had just finished a tray when her phone went off. This time she didn’t bother with the gloves when she grabbed for her phone. She immediately regretted it because she now had dirt over her arse. She removed the gloves and wiped it off as best she could before replying.

When they were done she put her phone away and finished up the trays with remarkable speed. She went to the front to see if Geordie needed any help. While she had been in the back they had received several orders of bouquets and Claire went about gathering what they’d need. Flowers were cut, ribbons were tied, and bouquets placed in water for tomorrow’s pickup. Before she knew it, Geordie was telling her he would close up and see her the next day.

Claire grabbed her bag and went out front to meet Jamie. He was already waiting for her and when she saw him her jaw dropped. He was wearing a brown and blue kilt, a dark blue dress shirt, a brown vest, and a leather jacket.

He walked up to her and closed her mouth for her. “Dinna anyone ever tell ye it’s rude to stare.” He whispered in her ear and she finally snapped out of it.

“I just wasn’t expecting this!” Claire said and she felt the heat creep up her neck.

“Well, ye saw that John was dressed up last night. The monitors have to look professional. I am a Scot so I dinna wear a suit like John does.” He guided her to the car and opened the door for her before going around to the driver side.

The evening went as to be expected. Claire mostly sat in a corner and observed again. John was using the aerial silks and was remarkable on them. Louise was using her glow whip again. There hasn’t been time prior to opening to talk to them and she wasn’t particularly in the mood to talk to them anyway. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone really. She was very much in her head. She questioned what she was doing constantly, the guilt and frustration was getting to her.

The people able to show as much skin as they wanted made her feel massively overdressed. The devil twins were constantly flirting with Jamie and she knew the contract made them exclusive but she wasn’t entirely convinced he’d stay true to that. She barely knew him other than that he didn’t do contracts and here she was with one. She didn’t feel like she deserved it.

At one point in the evening after seeing Geneva once again try and get Jamie’s attention and him caving this time. She was Geneva rub her hand in his curls and pull him into a kiss so she slipped behind one of the curtains to catch her breath. She was working herself up and she could feel a panic attack coming on. Her breath was short and she could feel the build up behind her eyes. She desperately wanted her lighter. She clenched one hand into a partial fist and dug her ring finger into her palm, not enough to break skin but enough to hurt but it wasn’t enough. She was teetering on the edge of the attack when her phone went off. She grabbed it out of her back pocket to check it.

It was from Jamie, she was embarrassed and overwhelmed and instead of seeing what it said she turned it off and shoved it back in her pocket. She peeked her head out and didn’t see Jamie, Geneva, or Annalise so she walked the edge of the room to the stairs. She went up and grabbed her bag and hoodie from check in and practically ran outside. She ran down the alley way and then out onto the sidewalk to go home.

When she made it to the dorm she was happy that it was empty. She got undressed and washed her face before pulling on some sleep pants, a tank top, and a long sleeve button up sleep shirt. She crawled into bed and quickly fell asleep only to be woken up by banging on her door two hours later.

Claire got out of bed and shuffled to the door, she knew who it would be and she took a deep breath before opening it.

“What the fuck Claire?” Jamie bellowed as he stormed into the room. “I’ve been texting and calling ye for three hours, ye can’t just fucking run off like that.”

Claire shut the door but didn’t turn to face him. Her hand was in a fist out of his sight and she was digging her nails into her palm again.

Jamie walked over to her and spun her around by her shoulders, she moved her clenched fist behind her back. “Answer me Claire.”

“I don’t think I can do this.” She said with her eyes on the ground.

“Do what exactly? The club, the contract, BDSM? Which is it?” Jamie questioned, he was still furious.

“All of it. I’m not cut out for it. I ran because I started to have a panic attack because Geneva and Annalise were all over you and you put very little effort into spurning their advances. Hell, I watched her kiss you and you did nothing to stop it. Then when I looked again all three of you were gone. I can’t do this. I was an idiot to think I could. So, if you don’t mind I would very much like it if you left.” Claire had been pacing around the room and came to a stop by the door and opened it.

“Sassenach, ye canna mean that. Let me explain please.” Jamie pleaded, she was like a wounded animal and grabbing onto anything to push him away.

“Don’t call me that!” She yelled at him, her whole body was shaking with rage. “I’m calling red. Full stop. Please leave.” Claire was adamant. She didn’t want to hear anything, she didn’t want to be swayed, she didn’t want to get sucked into sweet words that ended up meaning nothing.

He slowly walked out of the door and she slammed it behind him before collapsing on the ground and crying, she stayed there for 10 minutes before going into the bathroom and washing the tears off her face and climbing back into bed.

Jamie could hear her and stayed by the door until her crying stopped. Once he could no longer hear her he finally left. He immediately went to John and Louise’s flat.

John opened the door for him and pulled him in for a hug. “I take it you found her.”

“Aye, she was at the dorms. She saw Geneva kiss me but didn’t see me push her away or tell her off. She didn’t see Annalise and Geneva leave right after either and thought that I was with them. She called it off. All of it. The club, the contract, everything. I’m sae sorry John for fucking this up.” Jamie was distraught and pissed off at himself.

“No, we all should have known better. She was doing too much too soon and it backfired.” John was rubbing Jamie’s back and guided him to the couch to sit.

“You are both being morons. Claire had been through a lot and you have to use your brains and not your dicks when it comes to her.” Louise said as she set a tumbler of whisky in front of Jamie and a glass of wine in front of John.

“Yer the one who told us to stop handling her like she was breakable!” Jamie shouted at Louise.

 _“Oui,_ I said stop handling her with kid gloves not throw her into the deep end! You should have had the conversation with Geneva and Annalise first thing when you got there tonight or waited to bring her to the club until you had.” Louise said and took a sip of her wine.

“Do ye think I dinna ken that? I’m well aware I fucked up. I was trying to tell them to leave me alone but all Claire saw was what Geneva did.” Jamie argued and threw back the whisky before stalking over to the counter to get more.

“She was essentially alone tonight and left to her own thoughts. She went from being a virgin two nights ago to already having 3 partners, I know she said she could handle it and I trusted her to know herself. I also didn’t realize how bad her depression was. If you had ran it by anyone else first we would have told you to slow down a bit. She’s gotten a taste for the world, she was interested, and now she’s been scared off. I’ll try and talk to her but I doubt it will do much good. None of us know her that well. No one knows her very well actually.” Louise said and she got more and more upset not just with Jamie but herself too. “We all fucked up. We told her that nothing happened at the club without consent. Geneva kissing you probably made her think she had your consent. Fuck. We blew it.”

All three sat on the couch with their own thoughts in misery until Jamie’s phone went off.

Rabbie: Oy, did ye forget about me?  
Jamie: Fuck. Yes. I’ll be right there.

Jamie got up to leave and was almost out the door before John stopped him, “Jamie, you can’t drive you’ve had 4 whisky’s. I’ll drive you and walk home, I’ve barely touched my wine.”

“Aye, probably a wise choice.” He said and he tossed John the keys. John kissed Louise on the cheek and left with Jamie.

Louise grabbed her phone and decided to send Claire a text.

Lou: Claire, I’m so sorry for what happened tonight. I know you wanted to tell us when it was too much but we should have protected you more. I’m sorry if we let you down, we all feel awful. Please text me so I know you’re okay.

Claire never had turned her phone back on that night and when she did the next morning she didn’t bother to read any of the texts from John, Jamie, or Louise. She simply deleted all of them.

She stopped at a coffee shop before heading to the library, she had on an incredibly depressing playlist filled with Taking Back Sunday, Brand New, The Postal Service, and some Mumford and Sons thrown in for good measure. She sat at the back of the library facing the shelves and studied for the entire day. She had managed to gain Second Year entry due to her high scores on her A levels so she really needed to buckle down and make sure she didn’t fall behind.

No matter what happened in her life she had school to fall back. She was smart and dedicated to what she wanted to do. It was black or white. There were no gray areas for her academically.

She’d been studying for a few hours when she felt someone sit down across from her. She looked up over the laptop she had pushed away in favor of handwritten notes to see Joe sitting there. She unplugged her headphones and greeted him.

“Now, before you kill me please know that Louise sent me a text asking if you were okay. I told her I hadn’t spoken to you and she said you weren’t responding to texts from them so instead of texting I went looking for you. I figured you’d be here since you weren’t at the dorms. What’s up LJ?” Joe pushed her laptop to the side to see her better.

“Honestly, I’m fine. I just need to focus on school and not worry so much about the social aspect of Uni.” Claire said before she continued reading and taking notes.

“I call bullshit on you being ‘fine’. What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter what happened. I was being dumb and I should know better. I really don’t want to get into it though. I have a test to study for and I spent all weekend putting it off.” Claire put her headphones back in, effectively pushing Joe away.

Joe left and sent Louise a text telling her what happened with Claire but that she should probably give her space. Claire was stubborn and the more people pushed her the more she’d push back. It’s best to give her time.

Claire spent the next several weeks ignoring all texts and calls from the trio and putting her sole focus into school. She decided to call Geillis about a month after she’d last been to the club to see if she could get an appointment for a new piercing but Geillis said the only ones she had available for the type of piercing she wanted to get were at the club.

Claire didn’t really want to go to the club again and had to consider whether she wanted the piercing or not. The piercing won out and she slipped quietly into the club that Friday night. She was wearing all black as usual and had put a masquerade mask on to give her a little more anonymity.

When she went downstairs she made a beeline for Geillis’ booth. She didn’t want to waste any time there and have anyone see her. She’d already asked Geillis to frost over the booth so once she was inside she took off the mask.

“Ye are really goin out of yer way to avoid them.” Geillis asked as they hugged hello.

“Not really, I’ve just been studying a lot and honestly have to focus on that for now. I figured I could knock out some wishlist piercings too.” Claire took off her socks, shoes, pants, and underwear before laying on the piercing table.

“So first we are gonna do a wee Q-tip test to make sure yer clitoral hood can accommodate the piercing. I’ll use a lubricated Q-tip for it, doesn’t take but a second.” Geillis donned a pair of gloves and dipped a Q-tip in some lubricant before performing the test. Claire fidgeted a bit from the cold lube but otherwise remained still. “Looks great. So now I’m going to slide the needle up through the hood and place a curved barbell. It should rest comfortably and will be a little big for swelling but we can change it out in a few weeks. Ye ready?”

Claire nodded her head and held onto the arm rests tightly. When the needle went through she made a little squeaking sound and relaxed after everything was secure.

“So with a Vertical Clitoral Hood ye may get stimulation just from walking around so be mindful when ye start flicking the wee bean, ye ken?” Geillis said as she started to clean up the space.

“Okay, thank you Geillis. I very much appreciate you not telling them I’d be here.” Claire was getting dressed and almost forgot her mask before walking out but popped it on.

“Claire, wait.” Geillis said as she reached out to stop her. “Ye really should talk to them. They’re torn up about it truly. I’ve never seen the three of them so melancholy, didn’t ye notice the lack of dancers?”

“I didn’t to be honest.” Claire said and zipped her hoodie up all the way.

“Geneva and Annalise havena been around in a month. John and Louise haven’t danced since then either. I had asked them to do some suspension work in the shibari room before ye even called me. They needed a distraction and I needed them to keep working. Just think about it please.” Geillis unfogged the windows and Claire left the room.

Claire walked towards the stairs but turned around and went to a couch with a clear view of the shibari room. She sat down to watch as John and Jamie worked together to suspend Louise. She was wearing a sheer white baby-doll halter dress with a black thong. They had wrapped her right leg and suspended it pointing towards the bars by her ankle while the other leg was tied with her leg bent bag and was suspended at the knee.

Jamie had one arm under Louise’s shoulders holding her up while he helped John wrap a heart harness around her chest and stomach. They didn’t connect it to her legs so her dress flowed beneath her beautifully. Claire was mesmerized as they finished securing the robes to Louise’s chest and then bound her arms behind her back. They anchored her at her shoulders to the bar up top and then Jamie stepped back.

Claire followed him with her eyes as he stepped to the back of the room and into the shadows leaving John and Louise alone to play some. He watched for awhile before he saw her and his breath quickened. He could only see her eyes and her mouth but he knew it was her. Claire saw his face change when he recognized her and immediately got up and went to the stairs.

As she was about to leave she ran into someone and apologized profusely before running out into the night. She heard her phone going off but once again ignored it and when she got home she collapsed into bed fully clothed. She was asleep in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the later in the day update, I spent most of today with my new baby niece (FINALLY). My other sister also had her baby this week giving me my very first nephew. I was the only one with boys in our family so my sons are both elated about a boy cousin finally.
> 
> I am not sure what the update schedule will look like going forward as the game I play is releasing the next expansion on Tuesday and much of my time will be to doing that for the foreseeable future as I am a healer for our guild. I will still try very hard to update every week but I am not making promises; literally expansion time is when my whole routine gets thrown out the window and I'll have to re-establish it. We've also reached the point that I've already written to, I know where the story is going just working out how to get there for the first arc.
> 
> Thank you all to have been reading and commenting, it really warms my heart.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we find our lady making amends (and then some) with friends.

Christmas break was fast approaching and Claire’s advisor had mentioned studying a year abroad as part of an exchange program for Third Years. Claire had been seriously considering doing it. She wanted to get away for awhile and take time to herself and figure things out. University of California had an excellent botany program and she wondered what constant sunshine would be like, maybe the change would brighten her mood some. She still had half of the next semester to really sort it out before the application was due.

Claire had starting speaking to Louise again. It had been a slow process and she was finally getting to the point where she felt comfortable around her again but they still avoided talking about Jamie. John had just stared joining them for drinks again when Claire had asked Louise to help her buy a toy, opening the discussion to sex again. John suggested they go to the sex shop located next to _Craiceann._ They all clambered into a taxi and made the journey with Claire squished between them.

“What is it that you are in the market for, _mon chéri?”_ Louise asked as they walked inside. John trailed along behind them not wanting to give his input unless he was asked. He just observed how them.

“I’m not sure exactly and I don’t even know if this will help. I have been able to orgasm on my own but I feel like something missing. It’s not wholly fulfilling.” Claire couldn’t place the issue and articulating it was difficult for her.

“What have you tried? Manual stimulation? Insertion?” Louise questioned as they linked arms and perused the store.

“Well, I got my VCH 2 months ago so that barely needs any stimulation. I’ve got a vibrator but I still can't get the same feeling before. Do you think it's because it's just me?”

“Wait... did you get the piercing the same night that Jamie saw you at the club? Our shibari night?” Louise asked.

“Yeah, you looked lovely by the way. The juxtaposition between the flowy dress and the ropes was beautiful.”

 _“Merci, mon chéri._ I know you don’t want to talk to him but you really should hear him out. It is a really big misunderstanding and we all feel so awful about that night.”

“I've thought about it but honestly, I'm too scared to still, I’m not going to do what he says all the time. I’m my own person, I don’t know what I’m going to want in the future and I am still trying to figure out what I like sexually. I liked sex with Jamie but it felt like too much pressure too quickly. I’ve got too much on my plate and I’ve been trying so hard not to self-harm. I was hoping that orgasms would help but they haven’t so far. With that being said what do you suggest?” She waved her hand in front of a display of toys.

“Well, you could try a plug and maybe that can help with the lack of fulfillment. Is it possible that a lack of pain is causing it?” Louise was eyeing the butt plugs while Claire looked at the suction toys.

“Maybe, I hadn’t thought of that actually.”

“Well, you could try nipple clamps. Do be mindful of the piercings if you go that route. You could look for a play partner, not necessarily through the club and not necessarily someone you know already. It could be a fresh start.” Louise picked up two plugs, a set of clamps, and a bottle of lube before heading to the counter.

“What if I want it to be someone I know?” Claire asked hesitantly as she stated at the ground.

“Are you wanting a Dom/sub thing or just some kinky sex?” Louise asked as paid for the items much to Claire’s disapproval and they left the store with John still trailing them. Claire put the shopping bag inside her purse and Louise put the second plug in her own bag. “You don’t get to have all the fun. Drinks?”

“Aye.” They walked arm in arm to the nearest pub.

“You didn’t answer my question.” Louise asked as she sipped her wine.

“I think just kinky sex to be honest. Would you and John be interested in that?” Claire said and she fiddled with a napkin.

There was zero hesitation as John practically shouted, “Yes. Very. When would you like this to happen?”

Louise was hesitant though. “John, I can’t.”

“What do you mean? Are you okay?” John was instantly worried and hovering over her.

“I’ve been seeing someone for a month and a half. It’s monogamous.” Louise said. Her face was serious and she was desperately hoping that John wouldn’t be hurt or upset.

“Oh.” John was going through a wide variety of emotions. “Okay, let me unpack this. I’m happy for you, I am. I’m just confused as to why you didn’t tell me sooner. Who is it?”

“Charles Stewart. He’s not in the scene but I don’t care really. I’ve never felt like this before.” Louise’s eyes were sparkling. “I didn’t know where we stood. We were in a weird place. After what happened with Claire and then our attempt on shibari night failing miserably, I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to hurt you more.”

“What happened on shibari night?” Claire asked.

John and Louise shared a look and finally he nodded his consent. “John wasn’t able to perform when we got home. I didn’t want to make him think I was seeing someone else because of him. Ever since that weekend with you, the boys had both been in a funk. I knew it wasn’t me and I wasn’t upset about it but I know I’m not enough for John anymore.”

Claire turned to look at John with a curious look on her face, “I didn’t know I’d hurt you so much. I’m sorry John, truly.”

Louise’s phone went off and she checked it, “On that note, I’m going to go meet Charlie. Have a wonderful evening you two. Claire, you are beautiful and you need to let yourself feel the big things. I know they’re scary and overwhelming at times but it’s so worth it. Let John help please and for the love of God talk to Jamie before I murder him.” She gave them each a hug before bouncing out of the pub.

“So...” John said as he took Louise’s seat. “Is it off the table if Louise isn’t involved?”

“John, I need you to be patient with me. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ll need you to talk me through things. Other than that, can we go to your flat please?”

“Yes.” John stood up and pulled her off the stool. He threw some money on the bar and practically dragged her out of the pub. They walked a few blocks before John pulled her into a dark alley and pushed her against the wall. “Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” Claire whined and pulled him closer. John moved his mouth closer to hers and ran a finger down her jaw before gently taking her mouth. She opened her mouth to him and he deepened the kiss. Their tongues wrestled and his hand slid from her knee to her thigh and hiked it up. He pushed his hips into her and she moaned loudly. “John please. I can’t do this here. I need you.”

John let her leg down and they walked the rest of the way to the flat. They were barely through the door before he was on her again. He moved her through the flat but was too desperate to make it to the bedroom. He picked her up and deposited her on the table. He pushed her skirt up and dropped to his knees in between her legs. He pulled her to the edge of the table and she lifted her hips to take of her panties. He grabbed her ass and pulled her to his mouth. The second he made contact with her she squealed.

“Fuck.” She whispered and buried her hands in his hair as he ran his tongue between her folds. He very lightly traced her clit and slid a finger inside her. She rose up to ride his finger and he slipped a second and then a third into her. Claire started unbutton her shirt and then unclamped her bra. She slid them both off and leaned back on her hands and watched as he ravished her to the edge of oblivion. He replaced his mouth on her clit with her thumb and leaned forward enough to take a nipple in his mouth. She cried out and said, “Harder.” John lightly bit down on her nipple and she finally came all over his hand and the table before collapsing on it and erupting into a fit of giggles.

“Are you okay?” John asked and he kissed up her neck.

“That’s exactly what I need. Your mouth is remarkable. Can I ask you a question?” Claire asked as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“Of course, darling.” John said and he set his chin on her sternum to watch her.

“Why couldn’t you perform with Lou?”

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I was so upset that Jamie stole you away so quickly. I know how amazing he is at fucking but I hated that he cut me out so quickly. Jamie and I have been on and off since we met. I love him dearly and he’s never shut me out like that before. Louise could tell I think and I was so in my head with her that night that I was terrified I would disappoint her. My own fear meant that I did.”

“You love Jamie?”

“Yeah. He’s too broken to accept it though. I’ve loved him for a long time. Can I take you into my room and tie you to my bed and fuck you now?” John started kissing around her breasts while he stared at her.

“Holy shit yes. Can we try the plug?”

“Of course.” He gathered her up and carried her to his room. He deposited her on the bed and she kneeled on it and started undressing him. When he was just down to his boxers her went to his closet and grabbed some rope. He gently wrapped it around her wrists and then laid her on the bed. He stretched out her arms above her head and looped the rope around the bed frame. “You okay?”

“Yes.”

John grabbed the plug and lube out of her bag and set them next to her. He coated a finger in some lube and circled her asshole and he licked her clit slowly. Claire moaned and melted into the bed. He slid his finger in slowly and she gasped. “Relax, I have you.” He continued to open her up, adding lube and another finger when he felt she was ready he removed them and put lube on the plug before sliding it into her. He slid it in and out of her and Claire was writhing on the bed.

“John,” she moaned and thrusted onto the plug pushing it all the way in. “Fuck me please.”

John untied her from the headboard before he flipped her over. She moved closer to the top and held onto it while he retied the rope. She pushed her ass out and he add more lube to the plug and thrust it in and out of her some more. He slipped on a condom and lined himself up with her. He pulled the plug completely out and slid it back into her ass as he slid into her cunt. She shuddered when he was fully inside her.

“Oh my god.” She moaned out and started melting into a puddle of sensations.

John chuckled and started slamming into her. He kept moving the plug at the same pace and she was trying so hard to keep upright through it all. She lost track of time and everything else and just gave herself over to the feeling. The only things keeping her up was the rope and his hand on her hip. He slid it to her clit and lightly brushed it and she clenched around him with a loud scream. He stopped moving the plug and grabbed both hips to pound into her as he came. He had enough wherewithal to untie her before he collapsed next to her. He pulled her to him and kissed her neck.

“You are amazing.” He whispered.

“That was all you!” Claire said and chuckled.

“You’re incredibly responsive and not afraid to say what you want. It’s fucking hot. What do you need right now?”

“A shower and a tequila.” Claire said as she stretched out and the plug popped out of her. She giggled and picked it up as she made her way into the bathroom.

John got out of bed and removed the condom before pulling on a pair of shorts and going into the kitchen. He threw the condone away and washed his hands. He cut up a lime and got down the salt, shot glasses, and tequila and poured two shots.

Claire wasn’t in the shower long. She slipped on John’s robe and joined him in the kitchen. Her clothes were still on the table and there was a wet spot from where she came earlier. “I’m so sorry about the table.”

“Nothing some spray and paper towel can’t clean up. I like how hard you come.” He walked behind her and pushed her against the counter before nibbling her neck. She turned around and kissed him. It quickly turned into more and he had the robe on the floor and her on the counter. “I love the way you taste.” He said as he dropped between her legs and licking her from her ass to her clit and sucking lightly. She moaned loudly and once again buried her hands in his hair pulling him closer. He reached up and started rubbing a nipple between his fingers.

She was quickly on the edge and was just about to be pushed over when a loud, “What the fuck?” echoed across the flat.

Claire’s eyes shot to the culprit and John whispered, “Shit.” He stood up and turned as Claire slipped off the counter behind him to retrieve the robe.

“Hi, Jamie,” she said quietly as she tied the belt, “how are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much shorter chapter than usual mostly due to the absolutely bananas week I've had.
> 
> I thought that the new expansion came out on Tuesday but I realized that morning that it had come out Monday so I was full day behind. I've busted my ass getting caught up and I'm at level cap but that's when the real work begins.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting, it means the world to me.
> 
> Also, sorry not sorry for the cliff hanger. I have to give people a reason to come back no?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A much-needed conversation takes place.

Jamie had finished work and decided to stop by to talk to John. He’d been struggling and needed his friend to help him come up with a way to get Claire to hear him out. He let himself into the flat with the key John had given him ages ago. He toed off his shoes and dropped his keys in the bowl next to the door.

When he turned around he saw a skirt on the floor and a shirt on the table. He let his eyes drift to the kitchen where he saw John on his knees. He absolutely loved John on his knees. His gazed moved to the person on the counter expecting it to be Louise but was immediately furious to see it wasn’t Louise at all but Claire leaning on an elbow with her head thrown back and a hand buried in John’s hair, a low moan leaving her mouth snapped him out of his silence.

“What the fuck?!” He roared and watched as they scrambled apart. Claire stepped behind John to put the robe that was on the floor back on.

“Hi, Jamie,” she said quietly as she tied the belt, “how are you?”

Jamie’s fingers were tapping against his thigh. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to regain some sort of calm. It failed. Horribly. His eyes snapped open and narrowed on Claire.

“How am I?! Ye’ve gotta be fucking kidding me! Claire I’ve been trying to get in touch with ye for months and ye havena returned a single text. A single fucking call.” Jamie started pacing, his hands being tossed to and fro in anger. “Then I find ye with yer fucking legs wrapped around John’s head and considering ye are in a different spot than yer clothes are at I’m goin to go on a limb and say this isna round one!” He stopped pacing and his hand went back to going a mile a minute against his thigh. “How fucking long has this been goin on?!”

Claire stepped out from behind John and went over to Jamie. She grabbed his hand and he stiffened. “Today. I hadn’t seen John in months. I’m sorry Jamie. I’m so sorry I pushed you away. I’m sorry I never gave you a chance to explain. I got scared and overwhelmed and everything was happening so fast.”

“Ye should have talked to me then. I would have slowed down. I wouldn’t have asked about the contract. I wouldn’t have taken ye to the club that night. I’m not saying it’s all yer fault Claire but why the fuck didna ye at least hear me out?” Jamie was standing stock still, her hand had sent shockwaves through his body and he was trying to stifle the urge to rip off her robe and take her roughly.

“I was scared. I am still trying to figure out who I am and what I want. In just a few days I went from feeling like a scarred freak to the sexiest woman in the world with just one look from you. Then I was alone and in my head and I let all of insecurities swallow me up. Come sit please.” Claire tugged on his arm and he begrudgingly let her lead him to the couch. 

John cleared his throat, “I’m going to go put pants on. Does any one want whisky?”

Claire and Jamie both said yes at the same time before sharing a look.

Claire gave him a weak smile and sat down in a chair across from him. “I started talking to Louise a few weeks ago. John came with us tonight when we went.... shopping and then drinks at the pub. We hadn’t spoken about you until tonight, I was being stubborn and honestly just letting John tag along tonight was big for me. I’ve been struggling with not self-harming and had been trying to find different ways to replace it. Louise asked if I’d thought that maybe I needed the pain to feel whole and I propositioned her and John. I didn’t want to find someone new and I felt like I had burned my bridge with you. You scare me Jamie.”

Jamie was shocked and still angry. He gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes at her, “what exactly have I done to scare ye? Other than what ye asked for?”

“That came out wrong. I’m not scared OF you. I am scared of how you make me feel. I feel like I can’t think around you at all.” Claire stood up and went around the back of the chair and rested her hands on it. “I just want you so badly that it’s hard to really see what’s going on around me. I thought that if I self-harmed to make the panic attack stop then you’d get mad and leave me. So I figured it was better to just get the hurt over with.”

John came back into the room and handed them each a glass of whisky. He took a seat in the other chair and observed what was happening. He knew he needed to talk to Jamie and explain his side of it but it could wait until they were done.

Claire threw the whisky back in one swallow and sat back down in the chair. “I don’t do well with big feelings and you make me have such big, terrifying feelings that I didn’t know what to do with them. I read so much and talked things through with my therapist while I was sequestering myself and I think I figured out what it was but I needed to test it. Which is what tonight was.”

“I’m sorry what?” John’s attention snapped to Claire, there was fire in his eyes. She all but ignored him as she continued talking. 

“It’s the sub space. It happened tonight but not nearly to the degree that it did with Jamie. I didn’t know what the hell it was and that morning with Jamie I think I had a sub drop from being in my head too much and not knowing anything about it didn’t help. I didn’t know how to articulate what I needed to fix it. I just got scared and lashed out.”

“So this was just to test your theory? For fucks sake Claire.” John couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

“Och, hold yer wheest man. Ye dinna get to be upset when ye just had yer head in her honeypot.” The look Jamie gave John could have killed him. “Where the fuck is Louise anyway? Ye said ye propositioned the twa of them.”

Claire started to laugh at that. “Louise has had a boyfriend for a month and a half and they are monogamous. It sounds quite serious actually.” She finally turned to face John, “Yes, I wanted to test the theory but I also missed you. I wasn’t using you. You don’t make me second guess myself as much as being with Jamie does. Maybe it’s because you were my first, I don’t know. I trusted that if I did go into sub space with you I wouldn’t second guess myself. You’re like a calm center in Jamie’s hurricane.” She took a deep breath and turned to Jamie again, “I understand you are going to be mad and you have every right to be but please try to imagine it from my point of view. I have had these things swirling through my head my whole life about not being good enough for anyone and that no one could ever love me or find me desirable. Then when I saw you kiss Geneva I felt like it was all true, like I was just the only thing available at the time so that’s why you fucked me. I was attached already and couldn’t believe you actually wanted me. Hell, that anyone wanted me. I didn’t want to hear an excuse because I was afraid it would be a lie just to get in my pants again because I was there and willing. It was easier not to have the conversation than be proven right.”

“For starters, I didna kiss her,” Jamie said with fire in his eyes. “She kissed me and had ye continued watching, ye would have seen me push her away and kick her out of the club. Had ye let me explain that night everything could have been avoided. Claire, I ken ye think ye are damaged and yer body might be scarred but ye are more than that. I wasna trying to control ye I was trying to help ye. I’m sorry if it all happened too fast, I shoulda kent it was too much too soon. I just wanted ye so much that I wasna thinking clearly.”

“I know but you can’t save me. I have to do that for myself. I had to learn to love myself and I feel like I understand myself better. When I saw you all at the club on your shibari night I felt ashamed and you looked so sad and I knew I had done that to you. I didn’t want to face it yet, I wasn't ready to have the big feelings again so I continued to run and push you away." Claire had been trying to hold back the mounting panic attack for too long. She hated confrontation and needed to get away and breathe on her own for a few minutes. Her breathing was fine but she could feel the panic in her chest like a swarm of bees. She stood up and said, “I am going to go get dressed and give you two some time to talk. Please don’t kill each other.” She grabbed her clothes off the floor and table before going into John’s room to get dressed. She went into his bathroom and splashed water on her face. She sat down on the floor and pulled her knees up to her chest and tried to steady her breathing. Tears were streaming down her face, she absolutely hated confrontation, she hated being vulnerable. She wanted to drag a hot needle across her arm and just let the pain wash over her to make it all stop. 

Instead, she let herself feel everything going on. She crawled over to the bed and tried to get on it but decided to just lay on the floor. The bed was too much work. She allowed herself for feel the disappointed from Jamie, the caring from John, and the shame from herself. She didn’t let it overwhelm her she just took it in and processed it. Eventually it was too much and the crying had exhausted her so she drifted off to sleep right there on the floor. 

The men had remained silent in the living room for a few minutes until John broke the silence. “Just say it Jamie. I can’t handle the suspense any longer.”

“I dinna ken what to say. I was mad at her but ye have hurt me more than she did I think.”

“I mean this in the nicest way possible but could you please get your head out of your ass? You aren’t the only one in love with her.”

“Ye love her?” Jamie asked dumbfounded. 

“Yes and you would have known that had you paid any attention to anyone else except yourself. I don’t know what it is about her but I want to be around her all the time. I want to claim her and own her and fuck her into submission.”

“Why dinna ye say anything? We could have helped each other through this instead of trying to do it alone.”

“You staked your claim and pushed me out all at the same time. She didn’t just cut you off, she cut me off too. I wasn’t thinking about you tonight. I just wanted her.” John got up and took their glasses to the sink. It had been 10 minutes since Claire left the room. “Should we go check on her?”

“Aye.” Jamie said as he stood up and walked over to John. “Listen, I’m sorry I didna see ye were hurting too. Ye know I love ye right? I wouldna do anything to hurt ye like that on purpose.”

“I know and I love you. That’s why I didn’t want to add more to your plate. You would have taken on my hurt as well and I didn’t need you feeling even more guilty for it. She just needed time and she’s back now so maybe we can try together?”

“I would like that.” Jamie gave John a chaste kiss before he pulled him into John’s room. Claire was laying on the floor on the other side of the bed fully dressed. She was curled in fetal position and had tear tracks down her cheeks. She must have cried herself to sleep. Jamie picked her up and laid her in the middle of John’s bed before he kissed her forehead. John covered her with the blanket and looked at Jamie. 

“Do you want to stay the night? No funny business.” John asked.

“Aye. I’ll go grab my shorts from the guest room.” Jamie left the room and went down the hall. He quickly changed and then went back to John’s room. John was laying next to Claire so they were facing each other. He had one arm around her waist and their knees were touching. Jamie slid in on the other side of her and scooted close enough to spoon her while also reaching out to hold John’s waist and pull him in closer.

—

Claire woke up the next morning completely surrounded. She tensed up and started to panic. Her breathing was fast and erratic. She wanted to get up but she was completely paralyzed by the attack. She choked back a sob and it turned into a hiccup which jostled Jamie and John up enough to wake them. They both jumped back from her to give her space.

“What do ye need Sassenach?” Jamie asked as he hovered near her but not touching her.

“Xanax. Purse. Pill box.” She gasped out. Each word took immense effort for her to get out. Jamie ran to get it from her purse as John went into the bathroom to get water and a wet cloth.

They helped her sit up against the headboard and she took the medicine. She pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest. John ran the cloth over her forehead and cheeks. She rested her head on her knees still trying to get her breathing under control. He lifted her hair and ran the cloth over her neck.

Jamie was sitting back and watching John take care of her. He was kicking himself for not seeing how John felt. They only one that wasn’t in a funk after what happened with Claire was Louise after all. He had wanted to end his ridiculous “no relationships” rule to be with John ages ago but John seemed content with his life. He hadn’t wanted to disrupt that. He didn’t know why meeting Claire had made him lose his mind but it had and now he had to deal with it. He had to show her that he could be there for her too. 

As her breathing slowed down she closed her eyes and ended up falling asleep. They slid her back down onto her side and covered her up before slipping out of the room.

“Well, that’s one way to wake up.” Jamie said as he sat down on a stool at the counter.

“Yeah, that was scary. Do you want some coffee and breakfast?” John asked as he started to set up a French press.

“Aye. Ye do the coffee, I’ll do the breakfast.” Jamie walked over to the fridge and pulled out eggs, bacon, fruit, and an avocado. He started some water to make poached eggs and grabbed some bread for toast while John cut up the fruit and avocado.

“So how do you want to do this, Jamie?” John asked as he set down the knife and started mashing the avocado up.

“Do what exactly?” Jamie questioned and he lifted a perfectly poached egg out of the water. He set it down on the avocado toast before cracking another egg into the swirling water.

“This relationship with Claire. You and I have been fuck buddies for ages because you didn’t want to commit. I have been fine with that but I can’t keep doing this. I want you both.” John prepared more toast and dropped some avocado on it and handed the plate over to Jamie.

“I wasna afraid of commitment John. You just seemed so happy with the club and Louise, I didna think ye wanted commitment. We need to talk to her about it though. She may not want a relationship with either of us to be honest. I canna risk her running off again.”

The rest of breakfast was done in silence. Just before John left to wake up Claire he turned to Jamie and pulled him closer. “I was content with my life but I would have happily given it all up if it meant you were ready for a relationship.” 

John pulled away and went to grab Claire’s coffee but Jamie stopped him and pulled him back. He put one hand behind John’s head and gently kissed him. John wrapped his arms around Jamie’s back and pressed their bare chests together. Jamie let out a groan and deepened the kiss. John slid his hands under Jamie’s sleep shorts and grabbed his firm ass to pull him even closer.

“Fuck.” Jamie whispered as he broke the kiss and moved down John’s neck. “Can I have ye please?”

John stepped back and shook his head. “No, Jamie. I’m not going to do that to Claire. If she agrees to the three of us being in a relationship then we need to work that out. I don’t want to start this with her feeling like she can’t trust us.”

Jamie sighed and pulled John back for a hug, “Aye, yer right. I just miss ye. I havena had ye in months. Go wake up our girl for breakfast.”

“Yes, sir.” John winked and kissed Jamie’s cheek.

“Cheeky.” Jamie growled and smacked John’s ass.

John grabbed the coffee and went into his room. He watched her for a minute before waving the coffee under her nose. She groaned and stretched out. Her shirt rode up just a fraction and his eyes snapped to the exposed skin of her belly. 

“Seriously? Are you just perpetually horny?” Claire laughed as she sat up. 

John set the coffee on the night stand before reaching to help her up. “Come eat, darling. Jamie made breakfast.” When she stood she wobbled a bit and he steadied her, “I’ve got you.”

“Did anyone clean the table?”

“Shit. No, I forgot.” John said to Claire before he shouted to Jamie, “Make sure you clean the table with some spray!”

“Already done!” Jamie shouted back.

Claire wasn’t wobbly anymore so they went to the table and sat down, “Ooh avocado toast. My favorite. How’d you know?”

Jamie shrugged and sat down across from her. “Lucky guess.”

“Sorry about this morning. I don’t remember falling asleep and my body went into full blown panic mode first thing. I hope I didn’t scare either of you away.”

“Never, Claire.” John said from where he sat at the head of the table. “Listen, we wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Okay, should I be worried?” Claire asked hesitantly as she took another bite of her toast. The egg was amazing with a rich yolk. She moaned as she chewed and both men stared at her.

“Stop makin yer wee noises please or nothin will get done today. Ye have nothin to worry about. We just want to figure out what ye want before we make plans.” Jamie said.

“What do you mean?” Claire asked around another bite of food.

“Well, John and I talked a bit last night before we found ye. We want to try a relationship the three of us but it’s ultimately up to ye.” Jamie had already finished his food and stacked Claire’s now empty plate with his.

“How would that work exactly? An open relationship with you both separately?” She pulled her feet onto the chair so her knees were at her chest and continued drinking her coffee.

It was John who explained this the best so Jamie let him take over while he took the plates into the kitchen. “A triad. The three of us as equal parts to a whole. No Dom/sub contract, yes that can happen sometimes but no huge lifestyle thing like you and Jamie were going to try but just the three of us all together. Literally the three of us all dating each other.”

Claire’s eyes had lit up as he explained it to her. Jamie had returned and was sitting next to her. “So I can have you both? I don’t mean just sexually but just as a fixture in my life? Like I’ll get my calm center and my crazy storm?”

“Yes.” John said.  
“Aye.” Jamie said at the same time.

“I would like to try that. Should we establish ground rules?” Claire asked. She had finished her coffee and got up to get more. 

“We can have secrets but not lies.” Jamie said. “Dinna hide things from each other if it impacts someone else. No ganging up on each other.” Jamie said.

“Well, where’s the fun in that?” Claire pouted at the sink. John had gotten up and joined her as she started to clean up. Jamie tried but was told no. He moved to the barstools to be closer to them. 

“Och, I meant emotionally not physically. Untwist yer knickers Sassenach.” Jamie laughed and gave an awkward wink. “I promise they’ll be plenty of gangin up on one another on that front.”

Claire leaned into John and whispered, “Have you noticed that Jamie can’t wink? He’s like a giant red owl.”

“Yes, it’s one of his most adorable qualities.” John whispered back to her. 

“I’m gonna throttle ye both.” Jamie growled.

“Please do.” Claire begged.

“Oh for fucks sake can the twa of ye take this seriously for a few minutes?” Jamie was getting flustered but he wanted this established before they lost themselves in each other.

“Fine. Make time for each other. If one of us is feeling neglected then we rally around them to make it better.” Claire supplied.

“Cooking together at least twice a week. We may need to coordinate our schedules a bit for that but we have to be able to touch base the three of us and something other than fuck. Weekends spent here, Louise is hardly home anyway so we get it to ourselves.” John wanted this to work badly.

“No other partners. Just us. Adding more to it just makes it more difficult. If we need time alone with one of us then we let the other know, no one’s excluded just sometimes we may need to strengthen that relationship. It doesn’t negate the others either. That doesn’t mean you push the other out either though.” Claire didn’t want it to be seen as cheating if she needed just time with John or time with Jamie. She wouldn’t consider it cheating if they needed a night together without her. “You don’t have to quit the club either. I don’t care about the dancing or the monitoring, but scenes aren’t done with others. I will eventually go back but I have to work up to it and I need us all to be in a good place before that happens.”

“Of course, take however long you need. We need to all get checkups and tested.” John said.

“I just had one actually.” Claire said, “I got a copper IUD. My doctor didn’t want me to do hormones because of my depression and anxiety so if the two of you are clean and you want to, we can forego condoms if you’d like. Oh, before I forget, I have a notebook with all my meds.” Claire went to the living room and grabbed her purse. She brought out a small blue notebook and took a deep breath. “I have to take a low dose anti-anxiety three times a day, an anti-depressant in the morning and at night. I have the emergency Xanax as well. I no longer try and self-soothe I just take it if I start to panic. My version of self-soothing is actually self-harming so yeah, my therapist wants to avoid that obviously. I just figured you should know.”

Jamie smiled at Claire. “I started therapy as well. We’ve been working through some of my anger and the Laoghaire bullshit.”

“I’ve got nothing, apparently I am supposed to be the calm one to balance out you two nutjobs.” John joked.

“Rude.” Claire and Jamie said together.

“But he’s not wrong,” Claire added sarcastically. “So, honesty, fidelity, and equality? We good.”

“Yes.” Jamie said.  
“Yep.” John agreed.

“Okay, great. Can we please, I don’t know, consummate this craziness?” Claire said and she started to unbutton her shirt before letting it drop to the floor and walking to John’s room.

Jamie and John exchanged a look and bolted after her, shoving and jostling one another to get their first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very long week for me.  
> I'm beyond tired at the moment so I'm sorry if there are any editing errors.   
> This coming week our guild starts raiding again so my weeks will be even more packed.


	8. The Consummation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never know what to put here, I'm terrible at summarizing so I'm actually just going to give this one a chapter title and call it a day.
> 
> ❤❤❤

It was almost comical how eager John and Jamie were to get to Claire. They shoved and tried to trip each other up running down the hall. They reached the bedroom door at the same time and got stuck trying to enter at the same time.

Claire was naked on the bed and laughing at how ridiculous they were being. She was incredibly nervous about what was about to happen and wasn’t sure she was ready for both of them at the same time.

“Actually, can I talk to John for a second?” Claire said quietly from the bed. She had flipped over onto her stomach and was kicking her legs up and down. 

Jamie let out a grumble and stepped back as John almost fell into the room. He straightened his shirt, threw Jamie a smug grin, and walked over to Claire. He dropped to his knees so that their faces were level but they were speaking in hushed tones so that he couldn’t hear them. He saw John nod and stand up again.

“You can come in now, Jamie.” Claire said and she sat up on the bed. 

John took Jamie’s hand guided him to the bed in front of where Claire was waiting on her knees. She reached up and wrapped her hands in his hair and pulled him in for a passionate kiss. John kissed Jamie’s neck and ran one hand up Jamie’s chest and the other rubbed and pinched one of Claire’s nipples causing her to gasp into Jamie’s mouth. Jamie reached behind him and grabbed John’s ass to pull him closer.

Claire broke the kiss and leaned over Jamie’s shoulder to kiss John. Jamie kissed down her neck and chest to take the nipple John was ignoring into his mouth making her moan loudly. 

Jamie sucked hard, he used his tongue to move her piercing and made her shudder. He finally pulled off with a loud pop and John turned him around. He quickly pulled Jamie’s shorts down and pushed him onto the bed where Claire pushed him further on his back. John kneeled down and took Jamie’s balls into his mouth as Claire leaned over and took his cock in her own. John moved up to Claire’s mouth and they began kissing and running their lips over Jamie’s length, taking turns pulling him fully into their mouths. John left Claire to her work and grabbed the lube and 2 condoms from the nightstand. He went back to Jamie and slid a single lubed finger inside him as Claire continued sucking just the head despite Jamie pushing up his hips. She was watching John’s work and when he went to add a second finger she took Jamie to the back of her throat at the same time. A strangled cry escaped his lips and he reached up to pull Claire’s dripping center to his mouth. She slapped his arms and pulled off enough to tell him no.

He stopped trying to pull her to him and slid a finger inside her instead. She tried to move away but he just followed her. He matched the pace John had set and slid another second finger into her pussy making her moan around his cock. John slid a third into him and Jamie’s hand stilled inside Claire. 

“Ye must stop or I willna last and I need ye both.”

Claire popped off of Jamie and John patted his thigh to get him to flip over. Jamie complied and Claire slid underneath him with a smug grin. She pumped him a few times and ran the head up and down her slit coating it with her juices as she kissed him deeply, nibbling on his bottom lip as he growled in need. John handed her a condom and she slid it on Jamie while he did the same for himself.

John and Claire exchanged another look and as John pushed into Jamie it pushed Jamie into Claire at the same time. The load moan that escaped the three of them was a magical thing. The air in the room seemed to stand still as the three became one, became whole.

While Jamie had done this particular position before he hadn’t been the one in the middle. It required him to completely relinquish any sort of control which he wasn’t normally comfortable with. While they were wrapped around him he was wanted and safe, trusted and loved, he could let his guard down because it was the the three of them now. 

John was giving slow, gentle thrusts at first and Jamie was almost overwhelmed by the sensations from both of them, John grabbing his hips and Claire rubbing his back. He started to lose all other senses and just focused on them but he had managed to moan out, “harder,” and John started slamming into Jamie, thighs hitting his ass. Jamie took one of Claire’s nipples into his mouth again and sucked on it, laving his tongue around it and nibbling enough to make Claire squeak.

Claire reached one hand out to John and they twined their fingers together on Jamie’s hip while her other hand reached down behind Jamie’s balls to gently press the piercing there. John reached between Claire and Jamie to rub her clit in clockwise circles. It was just enough to push them all over the edge in a cascade of orgasms. Claire screamed and fell apart around Jamie while Jamie tightened enough that John came with a grunt, John’s final hard thrusts pushed Jamie into Claire enough to where he finally came, the three of them rode out their orgasms together.

Jamie had tears running down his face and Claire reached up to kiss them away. “We love you, Jamie.” He nodded into her neck and collapsed onto her causing him to slide out of her and John out of him. She rolled him to his side and wrapped her arms and legs around him. She rubbed his back as his breathing steadied.

John went to the bathroom to throw away the condoms and to grab a warm washcloth to clean Jamie up a bit. Afterwards, he climbed in behind Jamie and pulled both of them to him.

As their breathing slowed and their bodies stopped ticking they slowly got up and stretched.

Jamie broke the silence, “Weeel, I dinna ken how we’ll top that.”

“I’m sure we can think of something eventually,” Claire said and smacked his bottom.

They decided to bathe in John’s huge shower. It quickly turned into more though with Claire pressed up against the tile and Jamie holding her legs up on his shoulders. John was kissing her and rolling her nipples between two fingers until she came apart on Jamie’s mouth. Jamie set her legs down and they all stumbled out of the shower not wanting to break apart. Jamie threw Claire over his shoulder and tossed her onto the bed, pulling her ass flush with his hips, no one cared that they were had dripped across the room. John threw Jamie a condom which he quickly put on and buried himself inside her with one thrust. Claire cried out at the intrusion and tried to reach for John but stopped herself before she could fall.

“Come here,” she said to John and he kneeled in front of her so she could take him in her mouth. He played with her hair and rubbed her back as Jamie used her hard. Claire was moaning around his cock and could barely suck as she fell apart over and over again, Jamie’s thrusts did most of the work for her and she just kept her mouth open for the most part. He continued to pound into her at a punishing pace with his piercing rubbing on her g spot she had no rest between orgasms, he reached out for John who leaned over Claire to kiss him deeply. Their tongues battling with each other before Jamie’s hips started to stutter and he came with a low moan.

John slipped out of Claire’s mouth as she collapsed onto the bed. He climbed off the bed, grabbed his own condom, and flipped her over, “Oh darling you are far from done.” He pulled her to the edge of the bed and pushed into her slowly, he knew she was close to reaching the point of being overstimulated and had to be quick before it started to hurt her. 

She was already almost incoherent from pleasure as her noises moved from quiet moans to louder groans. Jamie went behind John and pushed his cheeks apart and licked his asshole while John slowly pumped in and out of Claire. Jamie lubed a finger and pushed it into John and then a second. His thumb rested on John’s guiche piercing and he matched John’s thrusts inside Claire.

John quickened his thrusts chasing his orgasm and right before he lost it completely he gave Claire’s clit a gentle rub and she squirted all over him with a cry. The fluid splashed John’s torso and he thrust one more time before he came.

Claire started struggling to breathe and John tossed the condom on the floor and scooped her up before sitting down on the bed, not caring about the wet spot she had left. Jamie put his shorts on and got a new washcloth to run it over her thighs and stomach to clean her up and then took her from John so he could clean himself up. He wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to the living room so John could change the sheets.

Jamie sat on the couch rubbing her back until she fell asleep snuggled against his neck. John came out a few minutes later and tapped Jamie on the shoulder to get him to bring her back to the bedroom. He carried her with ease and set her down on the bed between them. The boys were sitting up against the headboards reading and holding hands over Claire.

John set his book down and turned to face Jamie, “how are you? Truly.”

“I’m braw, John. Truly.” Jamie smiled at John trying to reassure him.

Claire stretched out and slowly opened her eyes, “oh hello,” she said as she realized they were both there. She pulled the blanket back over her and scooted up to where they were.

“Ye fell asleep. Are ye alright?” Jamie tucked a curl behind her ear and rubbed her cheek.

“I’m just sore and mildly embarrassed.” Crimson traveled up her chest to her neck.

John handed her a glass of water, “what in the world do you have to be embarrassed about?”

“That thing that happens is still really awkward for me. It went everywhere.” She slid back down the bed and covered her head with the blanket.

Jamie and John shared a conspiratorial look before moving quietly. John leaned over to his nightstand and grabbed 2 pairs of handcuffs while Jamie slid down to Claire’s feet and crawled between her legs. She squealed and tried to close her legs but he was faster and held her legs open.

“Ye ken the safe words, Sassenach. Let us make ye do it again.” Jamie said as he kissed behind her knees and up her thighs, completely ignoring where she wanted him most. 

Claire removed the blanket away from her body and saw John staring at her with the handcuffs dangling. “Bed or behind her back? The choice is yours, my dear.”

“Bed, so I can hold onto it.” Claire put her hands up and gripped the headboard while John put a handcuff on each wrist and connected it to the bed.

Jamie was watching them with his chin resting on her stomach. “Can we use a plug? Eventually I want us both inside ye but I ken yer not ready for that yet.”

Whiskey and blue connected and she nodded. Jamie held their eye contact as he moved lower and licked her from back to front. He latched onto her clit and sucked hard, the stubborn wee thing wouldn’t break eye contact until he slid the lubed plug into her slowly. He chuckled and it rattled around in her belly with the building pressure. He put a condom and pushed into her, John was kissing her and rubbing just under her breasts lightly, keeping her anchored in the moment.

Jamie took her slowly, too slowly at first. This was just for her, he wasn’t going to be able to come again anytime soon and he wanted to see how many times they could make her come. He tilted her hips up and when she started to moan deeply he brushed her clit a few times and she came in a rush as he pulled out of her, he pushed back in and immediately pushed her into a second just as messy orgasm. John had his head on her chest and was watching it happen with a grin on his face. Claire was breathing heavy under him. 

“My turn.” John started to get off the bed when he heard Claire mumble something.

“Red. Please un-handcuff me. Please. I can’t breathe.” She gasped out each word. They moved to take the handcuffs off her and as Jamie started to remove the plug she whined a bit. She reached for them both and they went to her easily. Her breathing steadied finally and she started to laugh. They both looked at her like she’d completely lost it. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was a lot of sensations all at once and I got overwhelmed.”

“That’s why we have safe words, darling.” John checked her wrists for any marks, they were a little red but nothing that would last. “Let’s take a break, eat some lunch, and watch a movie.”

They all got up off the bed, Claire with some help from Jamie keeping her steady. They cleaned themselves up and got dressed before changing the sheets. They were all constantly touching each other, a hand on a hip, fingers brushing against each other, quick kisses and giggles shared.

Claire took the sheets to the kitchen and started a load in the washing machine. The boys started lunch and Claire sat at the island with her phone.

C: Hello, love. How are you?  
L😻: Très bien et toi?  
C: Amazing and I promise to tell you all about it but can I please borrow some clothes?  
L😻: Of course, help yourself. I’ll be home tomorrow night. Will you still be there?  
C: Yes, I highly recommend giving us fair warning beforehand though.

Claire hopped off the barstool and went to Louise’s room. She put on a pair of black leggings and a tank top before she went back out to eat.

They took their sandwiches and beers over to the couch and settled in together with Jamie in the middle.

“We should get one of those couches that turn into beds or one that we can all snuggle on.” Claire said around a mouthful of food.

“This one kinda does that actually. Help me Jamie.” John stood and pushed the coffee table to the wall while Jamie grabbed the large square ottomans and pushed them against the couch. “See!” John had a giant grin on his face as he sat back down. 

They put on Broadchurch since Claire had never watched it. John finished last and grabbed everyone’s plates to clean up. Claire followed him into the kitchen to get some water and help him. He washed and she dried so they were done quickly. He pulled her into his arms after the last of the dishes were put away.

“How are you doing?” John held her at arms length so he could see her face as she gave him a big smile.

“I’m fine, really. I just couldn’t catch my breath and got scared.” She pulled him in and rested her head on his chest. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled in his chest.

“Darling, I’m proud you called a stop to it. If you can’t handle something we have to know. There’s no reason to be sorry.” He kissed her curls and rubbed her back as they swayed in the kitchen. 

Jamie watched them from the couch until they broke apart. Claire went to the washing machine and got out the sheets to take them to the back garden to dry on a line. John went back to the couch and pulled Jamie to him for a chaste kiss which turned into John pushing an ottoman away so he could take Jamie in his mouth. 

Claire returned to Jamie’s hands grabbing the back of the sofa with white knuckles pushing his hips to meet John. Her two men had never been more beautiful to her, they were a mess and the fire in her belly stirred to life again. She stood at the sink watching as John bobbed up and down on Jamie, she slid her hand into her leggings and felt how wet she was. They were oblivious of her until she couldn’t bite back a moan, both sets of blue eyes snapped to her clouded dark with lust.

They both got up and went to her, Jamie almost tripping on the shorts around his ankles. He kicked them away and followed John to her. John already had her shirt off and a hand on her ass, he held out a hand for Jamie and he wrapped them both in his arms. The kisses were messy and tongues were everywhere, someone was biting lips and Claire’s wee noises were tearing him apart.

Jamie broke away reluctantly, “are ye okay now, Sassenach?”

“Yes, just no handcuffs this time.” Claire pulled them both back to the couch and stripped John of his shorts. Jamie went to go get the condoms and lube while Claire was busy with John. 

She made him lay back on the couch where Jamie had been earlier, she had never been more grateful for large cushions before because she knew exactly how she wanted them. When Jamie returned she slid a condom on John and slowly slid down him. She leaned forward to kiss him and felt Jamie move behind them. She rode him slowly as Jamie maneuvered Johns legs to where he needed them and she stilled while Jamie pushed into John. She sat up and leaned her back against Jamie’s chest and he set their rhythm. Slow and steady at first but as John called for more, harder, faster— they complied happily. Claire leaned forward again as she started to lose herself and John rubbed her clit just enough to send her over. 

Jamie had stopped thrusting while Claire worked through her orgasm before continuing when she did, she was still leaning forward and he lubed two fingers and pushed them into her ass causing her to scream out and thrust back onto him. He could feel John through the thin wall that separated them, Jamie started pounding into John as Claire picked up her own pace again, John cried out as Claire came a second time and he was so close. 

Jamie pulled out of John and John flipped Claire over onto the couch, slamming back into her past her shaking inner muscles. It took only two thrusts before he pulled out again, ripped off the condom and came on her stomach in hot spurts. He moved for Jamie and Claire sat up taking him in her mouth, Jamie too was close and instead of letting her swallow it down he pushed her back down to come on her stomach like John had.

“Is this you marking your territory?” Claire asked as she ran a finger through their mess and licked it off.

They both said yeah and then helped her up and let her shower alone. She was sore and tired, so fucking tired. When she was done in the shower she laid down on the freshly made bed and went to sleep with a huge grin on her face.

Sometime in the night she woke up surrounded again, no panic occurred, instead she snuggled closer to Jamie and pulled John in more to kiss his forehead. She fell asleep again quickly, she was safe with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really struggled with this chapter. I wasn't happy with it and ended up having to rewrite half of it. I hope it lives up to expectations. Thank you to MistressPandora for helping me get out of my head and encouraging me to continue writing.
> 
> We have a few more chapters left in this arc and then we'll be taking a wee break.
> 
> Also, I posted a one-shot for the LJG Cocoa & Kink event if you haven't read it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of sex, a little bit of angst, and a big revelation.

A few weeks had passed in relative peace, they spent so much time studying and working opposite schedules that they didn’t get to see each other nearly as much as they would have liked. The weekend before Christmas they had set aside for each other which is why Claire was hiding in Louise’s room. She had a surprise for her boys now that they had all had their physicals and been given clean bills of health. She had been prepping for this since they started dating.

She changed into a red lace babydoll nightie with matching underwear and a red garter belt, she was clipping on the thigh highs when Louise came out of the bathroom in her robe.

 _“Mon dieu,_ Claire. You’re going to kill them.” Louise went into her closet and set a shoe box in front of Claire. “Happy Christmas.”

Claire slowly opened the box and took out a pair of black 4-inch peep toe heels, “Louise these are beautiful. Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, I’ve never seen either of them this happy before and I wanted you to have your very own come fuck me heels.” Louise gave her a hug and then got dressed. She gave Claire a peck on the cheek, “I’ll see you on New Years.”

Claire put the shoes on and then admired herself in the mirror on the back of Louise’s door. Her legs went on for days and her already pert ass was even more stunning. They were just what she needed to calm her nerves and make her feel sexy.

She slowly opened the door and saw the only lights on were from the Christmas tree. She walked into the living room and it was empty, she poured and went searching for Jamie and John. She found them in John’s room already naked and enjoying each other. She leaned against the door and watched them, they’d obviously just started because neither was terribly worked up. They were roaming hands and deep kisses. She cleared her throat and they both looked at her and gasped.

“Happy Christmas, loves.” She was trying to keep her nerves in check, this wasn’t really the surprise. John went to Claire and pulled her to the bed, he laid her down slowly and started kissing up her legs from her feet to her center. He lightly blew on her making her shiver and squirm away, Jamie held her in place as John kissed up her other leg and finally slid a finger in her underwear.

“Jesus, you’re already soaked.” John pulled out his finger and put it to Jamie’s mouth so he could suck her juice off it. Claire moaned and whined, they were teasing her and she did not have the patience for it.

“Please.” She whined at them.

“Tell us what ye want, Sassenach.” Jamie pulled the top of the nightie down to expose her breasts. He took one nipple in his mouth and lightly flicked the other.

“Do you want us to fuck you?” John pushed two fingers inside her and she moaned loudly.

“Yes. Both of you.” Claire was already starting to slip into sub space, it didn’t take much since they were both natural Doms, she liked letting them have control, she liked letting them use her. “Together.”

They both stopped what they were doing and stared at her. “Really, Sassenach? Are ye sure?”

She pushed herself up on her elbows, “yes, I want our first time with no condoms to be this way. I want you both. I’m ready, I promise.”

They definitely didn’t need to be told again, John reached into the nightstand for the lube, a plug, and wipes. Jamie stripped Claire of her underwear and buried his head between her legs, John slowly pushed the plug into her as Jamie pushed her to the edge. Her heels were digging into Jamie’s back and her hands were grabbing his curls as he ravished her. John thrusted the plug in and out of her while Jamie pushed two fingers inside her and slowly moved them in a come hither motion. He sucked hard on her clit lightly flicking it with his tongue and she squeezed his head with her thighs as she screamed out and came in a rush, she didn’t care anymore that she made a mess.

Jamie kissed her thighs as she came down from her high, John slid the plug out of her slowly and they started moving her around to where they wanted her.

John took off her shoes and Jamie removed her nightie, they left the garter belt and stockings. Jamie laid down at the bottom of the bed and Claire sank down onto him. She let out a deep moan as she settled onto him fully and started rocking back and forth, she used her thighs and lifted herself up and down a few times.

Jamie had never had sex without a condom before and had his eyes squeezed shut as Claire rode him. He thrusted up into her each time she sank down, he was moaning loudly and wanted to flip her over and take her hard but he knew they’d have time for that later.

John rubbed Claire’s back to make her still and slowly pushed her to Jamie’s chest. Jamie grabbed the bottom of her ass and spread her cheeks while John positioned himself standing behind her. He slowly pushed into her while Jamie pulled out, when John was fully in he pulled out while Jamie pushed in. As they passed each other Claire let out a breathy moan, she was absolutely full but she needed more.

“Harder. Please.” She always said please, it undid them both every time. So polite even while being fucked.

John grabbed her shoulder and pulled her onto him while he thrusted into her causing him to go even deeper inside her.

She was chattier than she normally was while they were all moans. “So fucking deep. John god please. Jamie I can’t.” Her sentences were broken and she was barely coherent. They all seemed to be holding on for the moment she broke apart, John shifted her hips just a bit and it set off a chain of movements. Jamie’s pubic piercing combined with the piercings inside her passing each other at the same time made her shatter with a “Oh fuck. Yes. My god.” They fucked her hard through her orgasm and she was completely boneless by the end of it.

John was next and came inside her, his hips stuttering as he moaned out her name. He reached down and rubbed Jamie’s piercing pushing him over as well while John was still fully buried in her. He came inside her as well and for a few minutes they were both as deep as they could be, Claire was stuffed completely and absolutely complete.

John moved out of her first, then Jamie rolled to the side with her and slipped out as well. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to kiss her on the forehead.

“John come here.” Claire whined and he laid down behind her. John rubbed Jamie’s back and buried his head in her curls. “Those waterproof sheets are really paying off.”

“Aye, definitely a good purchase John.” He patted John on the back and they all started laughing. “Let’s get ye up and showered, Sassenach.”

“Not yet, I want to snuggle more.” She wasn’t ready to move. She wanted to feel this closeness forever. She could feel their come dripping out of her but she didn’t care. She was happy and whole wrapped in them.

“I would like to do that more often.” John sighed into her hair and pulled Jamie even closer.

“Definitely a special occasion thing, I don’t think I can handle it all the time.” Claire rolled over, making even more of a mess. She pulled John in to kiss him, nibbling on his lip and pulling his hair. “Definitely in the rotation though.” She sighed and rolled onto her back. She pulled her knees up and relished how they were mingling together on her thighs. “Okay, I’m ready. I need help up though.”

They both got up and a simultaneous “fuck” came from them as they saw her bottom. They helped her stand and took her to the shower. They showered together but didn’t take it further. They wrapped up in robes and worked together to change the sheets before climbing back into bed to watch a Christmas movie.

Claire didn’t last half the movie before she was asleep. The boys snuck out of the room to let her sleep, they had a dram and set up the chess board in the living room.

“Winner gets to top first.” Jamie declared as he moved his first pawn.

“Well that’s just not fair. You almost always win.” John took his turn and sipped on his whisky.

Jamie leaned over the board and whispered, “aye, but I may let ye win because I really want ye to fuck me.”

John growled and pushed the board off the ottoman. They jumped towards each other and their lips met. Jamie pushed John’s sleep shorts down and slid to his knees to take him in his mouth. John had his hands on Jamie’s shoulders to keep himself steady, his nails were digging in.

Jamie looked up from his knees and they locked eyes, “fuck, please Jamie.” Jamie released John and stood.

“The lube is in the room. I’ll go get it.” John pulled his shorts back up and quietly went into his room. He opened the drawer and just as he grabbed the lube his eyes met Claire’s, he had been caught.

“Why do I have the distinct feeling I’m missing the fun?” She stretched her arms above her head and the blanket fell down.

“We didn’t want to wake you.” John said apologetically.

“Well I’m awake now.” She got up and put on a robe and followed John into the living room.

“John ye werena supposed to wake her, she needs her sleep.” Jamie whispered to John, eyes just as wide as John’s were earlier.

“Hello, right here. He didn’t wake me. You can continue, I’m just going to sit here and watch.”

The boys shrugged and mouths met again, less rushed this time. A slow slide of the tongue, a mouth opening for more, a quiet moan, a throaty growl, hands were scratching and grabbing. Claire sat on the chair across from them, she had one leg on the ottoman and her hand was rubbing up and down her thigh. The kisses became more fevered, more needy, John pushed Jamie on his back on the chaise part of the couch so Claire could still see.

Jamie didn’t need much prep but John went slowly anyway. He had his legs spread wide and bent to kiss him while he opened him up. Jamie started pushing back onto John’s hand so he knew he was ready, a little lube, a small push, a loud moan. A few thrusts and the head of Jamie’s cock was almost purple and dripping with his pre-cum.

Claire had slid a finger inside herself when John had entered Jamie, she moaned when she saw Jamie's cock and desperately wanted to lick him clean. Jamie reached his hand out for her, “come, Sassenach.”

She slid her robe off and went to him, he pulled her close to his face and gave her a wicked grin. She straddled his mouth and he pulled her down and slowly licked to her clit. His perfect nose was buried inside her and she was rocking back and forth. She leaned forward and kissed John, teeth and tongues clashing. She kissed down his chest, sucked his nipple hard causing him to thrust in deeper than he meant to, Jamie groaned loudly. She continued kissing, licking, and biting down John’s belly until she reached where they were joined and moved to Jamie. She licked him from root to head, paying careful attention to lick all the drops off him before taking him all the way in. Jamie was losing his ability to concentrate and kissed down her thighs and back up. He slid two fingers in her and thrust quick and hard, latching onto her clit to make her scream around his cock and come apart in a rush. He licked her thighs clean and she continued sucking on him, Claire snaked a hand to John’s piercing knowing it would push him over. He grabbed Jamie’s knees and on his last thrust grazed his prostate perfectly when Claire had bobbed all the way down causing him to shoot into her mouth, he bit down on her thigh which just made her moan and rock back on him. John came and almost collapsed onto Claire. She rolled off Jamie and laid on the main part of the couch to catch her breath while they cleaned themselves up and redressed.

“We still have one more round.” She stated without hesitation.

“Ye are goin to kill us lass.” Jamie whined and lifted her legs to sit down underneath them.

“I’d say two so we had every possible combination but Jamie you’re too big to handle at the moment.” She sat up a bit to kiss his cheek and John sat down and pulled her head onto his lap. “I’ll get there eventually, big boy.” She patted his thigh and snuggled in.

Jamie chuckled and tossed a blanket over her. They all stretched out and fell asleep in no time at all with Jamie and John holding hands on Claire’s stomach. A few hours later Claire woke up to have a pee so she slowly got off them without waking them, she wrapped the blanket around her and padded to the bathroom. She checked the clock on her way out and saw that it was only 10pm, she slipped into some sleep shorts and a tank top to make a late dinner.

Jamie and John had shifted when she had left them so that John was laying on Jamie’s lap now with Jamie’s long, muscular legs stretched out on the chaise. Claire sighed from the kitchen and went about quietly getting pots and pans out to make some chicken spaghetti.

She put a pot of water onto boil with a dash of oil and grabbed the chicken from the fridge. It was too quiet so she popped into Louise’s room to get her earbuds out of her bag and put on Retro Video Club’s ‘Chemistry’. Her heels started tapping with the drums and her hips joined in as she cut and then sautéed the chicken. She went back to the fridge to grab some spinach and added it to the chicken to cook down some. The water was boiling so she stirred in some salt before adding the noodles. She grabbed a loaf of French bread and cut it in half, she slathered it in butter and garlic powder before popping it into the oven.

When she stood up arms wrapped around her and pulled her close, wet kisses were placed on her neck and she moaned quietly. She peered up and there was John, eyes dark with want. “Smells delicious, darling. I didn’t know you could cook.”

“This is the only thing I can cook well. What’re you doing up?” She spun around and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I missed you.” He picked her up and put her on the island. “Your ass in these shorts is magnificent but they need to go.” He pulled them down and dropped to the floor with them. He pulled her to the edge of the counter and kissed up her thighs to her center.

“If my bread burns I swear to— oh god,” she never did finish her sentence because he had slid two fingers inside her to shut her up. He drew circles around her clit with the tip of his tongue.

“Weeeeell, this is a familiar scene.” Jamie’s deep burr startled them both and made John collapse in a fit of giggles while Claire went bright red and slid off the counter to pull her shorts back on. She wouldn’t meet Jamie’s eye.

Garlic in the air snapped Claire out of it and grabbed the bread out of the oven, the hot metal grazed her wrist and a visible chill ran down her body calming her. “Dinner’s ready.” She squealed out.

The boys dished up the food while Claire snuck away to bandage her small burn, it had been an accident but the urge to melt away was strong. She still kept a lighter in her purse in case she felt like she needed it at times, she hadn’t in awhile though. She fished it out of her bag and brought it with her. She set it down between the boys and took her seat across from Jamie.

Jamie’s eyes snapped to her bandaged wrist and he whispered her name with a heartbreaking plea.

“The pan grazed my wrist but it made me remember I still had that so I wanted to give it to you.” She started to cut up her chicken, refusing to make eye contact.

“When was the last time you did it darling?” John asked as he poured them a delicious white wine.

“Shibari night. I was ashamed of myself for running again. It was my pride getting in the way. That was my punishment.” She took a bite of food and tried to push the tears down.

The rest of dinner had them silent, the quiet scraps of cutlery on the plates. When they finished Claire got up and headed to Louise’s room. She needed a moment to herself, a quiet place to gather her thoughts. She didn’t want to hurt them, she didn’t want to make them worry. They were leaving for two weeks to spend time with their families but she would remain here to pack up her dorm. She wasn’t sure if she should be alone but she also wasn’t sure they were ready to include her in family events, they didn’t have the most conventional relationship.

The boys had been in the kitchen cleaning up and had the same thoughts. “I dinna ken about leavin her here while we’re gone.”

“I know, Jamie. I can’t skip out this year and bringing her isn’t an option. My stepfather is very sick and I wouldn’t want to subject her to that.”

“I told everyone about her but I worry all the bairns will be a bit much for her. We could stay in one of the cabins though, would that bother ye?” Jamie wrapped his arms around John and buried his face in his neck.

“Of course not, I think it would be good for you two. She and I already spend a lot of time together so it’s only fair you two get to.”

“Aye but that’s for studying not spending two whole weeks alone in a wee cabin.”

“I could come up on Boxing Day if that makes you feel better?”

“Aye, let’s go check on our girl.” Jamie pulled John by the hand to Louise’s room. He lightly tapped on the door and opened it when a tiny voice made a sound. She was curled up into herself in the middle of Louise’s bed. John walked over to her and scooped her up before handing her to Jamie to take to John’s room. He sat on the bed with her still in his lap, kissing her curls and rubbing her back slowly.

“I’m sorry I ran again. I didn’t want to disappoint you both and I’m so sorry.” She sobbed again and pushed off Jamie to try to get up but he wasn’t having it.

“Ye have nae to be sorry for, Sassenach. We were worried, that’s all. Please don’t push us away.”

“You have every right to have feelings or to get overwhelmed just let us share the burden with you. Don’t try and bottle it up to carry alone, darling.” John was sitting next to Jamie running his fingers through her hair. He kissed her forehead when she nodded.

“I don’t want you to go, I don’t want you to leave me yet.” She started crying in earnest now, one hand around Jamie’s neck and the other on John’s. Her two men. Her loves. Jamie was whispering quiet Gaelic mutterings into her ear.

“We talked about that earlier while we cleaned the kitchen. I’d like to take ye home with me, Sassenach. We have a small cabin so ye willna have to be in the house with all the bairns at least and can escape for some quiet.”

“What will your family think?” Claire sniffled but her crying had stopped finally.

“They already ken about ye and John.” Jamie said and John’s head snapped up to meet Jamie’s eyes.

“I thought you said they knew about Claire. When did you tell them about me too?”

“Same time. They ken I’m bi and not exactly vanilla in my practices but my ma understood and loves me, she willna bide anyone making comments about it or treatin us different than they would my siblings.”

“Why haven’t you brought Rabbie around then, I thought you were keeping it hush hush?”

“Och, that’s to do with Rabbie embarrassin me not ye twa.” Jamie chuckled thinking about the shenanigans Rabbie got up to.

“Are you sure, Jamie?” Claire asked with a hand on his cheek, thumb rubbing against his stubble.

“Aye, I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He set Claire between him and John and gathered them up in a big hug.

Claire kissed the side of Jamie’s neck where it met his shoulder and slowly sank her teeth into the muscle there.

“Dinna start what ye canna finish, Sassenach.” He growled and picked her up again to place on his lap.

She leaned over to John and pulled him in for a kiss. She deepened it immediately and then kissed down his throat. “I want you both. I need you both. Make me feel whole again.”

Jamie pulled her back to him and made her look in his eyes, “Are ye sure? Ye just said earlier—“

She kissed him then cutting off his words, “Go slow, I trust you both.”

They didn’t need to be told again. Jamie stood and she took off her shorts before he picked her up again. She wrapped her legs around his waist and John went into the nightstand to get the butt plug, this one had a slightly bigger tapered part. He ran to get the lube from the living room and came back. Jamie continued to hold her while John went to work opening her up. She was sliding against Jamie’s cock and John moved it to where she could slide onto it, the feeling caught her off guard at first but Jamie continued to pick her up by the back of her thighs so he could slowly slide in and out of her.

John slid the plug into her and she groaned loudly against Jamie’s chest before biting down. A sharp hiss escaped his lips and John started moving the plug in and out of her, he was going faster than Jamie was for the time being. When Claire started trying to trust back onto it they knew she was ready.

Jamie set Claire down and climbed up on the bed with his back against the headboard. John leaned over and took Jamie’s cock in his mouth, his two loves tastes mingling together on his tongue. Jamie moaned loudly and bucked his hips causing John to gag and pull off him. He rubbed some lube between his hands before stroking Jamie with it. Claire was sitting on the edge of the bed looking over her shoulder to watch them while she slid the plug in and out, wiggling it at the thickest part to better prepare her. She was nervous and a wee bit afraid that it would hurt more than earlier.

John moved away from Jamie so that he could grab her and pull her until her back was to his chest. Jamie grabbed her thighs behind her knees and pulled her legs apart while John slid the plug out of her and very slowly fed Jamie’s cock into her ass. Jamie had all the control so Claire rested her head against his shoulder and nibbled on his neck while he moved her up and down so fucking slowly. Too slowly.

Claire leaned up to Jamie’s ear and whispered, “more, Jamie.” He quickly complied by thrusting up while he loosened his grip on her thighs letting her fall down and causing her to cry out. “John, please.”

John had been distracted watching Jamie take Claire and her moaning his name snapped him out of it. He moved over to them and Jamie stilled so John could push into Claire to the hilt. She melted into them and relinquished every bit of control. They still hadn’t moved both being completely buried inside her. She whined and John grabbed the headboard above Jamie’s head and started a quick pace, the two alternating who was buried inside her like before.

John took a nipple in his mouth and bit down making her shatter on them, she went boneless and once again relished the feeling of them inside her making her more demanding. They knew they had a limited time before she slipped away entirely.

“Fuck, yer so tight, Sassenach. John give me yer mouth.” Jamie demanded.

John moved to Jamie’s mouth and kissed him, Claire moved her head to join them. Tongues and teeth were lost in the fray and Jamie started to lose his rhythm as he came inside her. He stilled and John took what he needed from Claire while pushing her into another earth-shattering climax that left her moaning and tossing her head back with force. John slammed into her feeling Jamie still inside her and came with a loud grunt before collapsing on Claire.

After a few minutes John went to move and she whined for him to stay. When he started to soften and fell out of her she finally let him move. Jamie rolled them to the side and he too fell out of her. No one moved, no one cared about the mess or stickiness for some time.

Eventually they stumbled into the shower and the boys washed Claire who was still struggling to come up for air but she needed to be cleaned up. They took great care washing her body and hair then bundled her up on the bed. Jamie held her while John got juice for her, she sipped on it and then drifted off to sleep in Jamie’s arms. John came and cuddled behind Jamie and wrapped his arms around them both before drifting off himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and have a very Merry Christmas.


	10. A Trip Goes Awry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Christmas trip to Lallybroch quickly turns sour when Jenny shows her ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers! I apologize for the very very very delayed chapter. My muse seemed to run away during my Christmas depression and then life took over. I may also be posting another story soonish, if I can get it beta'd at least. If you're interested in betaing then shoot me a message on tumblr. Same handle.

John woke up first the next morning and packed his bag before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone. Claire woke up with Jamie's hand wrapped around her back holding her close to him. She popped her head up and realized John was gone just before the scent of bacon and coffee wafted into the room. Claire got up and put on a robe before she padded into the kitchen. She kissed John on the cheek and rested her chin on his shoulder while she watched him scramble some eggs.

"Good morning love, you're up early." Claire wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed the back of his neck.

"You must stop darling. We can't let the food burn." John poured the eggs into the pan and started to stir.

"Fine." She pouted and made her way to the coffee maker to pour herself and Jamie a cup. "What time do you have to leave?"

"Noon. There will be plenty of time after breakfast, I plan to have you at least two times before I leave."

"What are we having?" Jamie grumbled while he sat next to Claire at the bar and accepted the coffee from her with a chaste kiss.

"Me." Claire said with a cheesy grin.

Jamie reached for her robe tie and John reached over to slap his hand away. "After breakfast, you fiends! Can't you keep it in your pants for just one meal?"

Jamie and Claire both pouted and went back to their coffee. John handed over the plates and cutlery so they could set the table while he brought everything out. They all sat down at the table and plated up their food. Their feet were tangled underneath the table but they kept a civil conversation.

"What time do we need to leave Jamie?" Claire asked when she was done eating.

"We need to go to yer dorm and get the rest of yer boxes before going to my apartment to get wee Rabbie. We should probably leave here at 11 to get there before dinner." Jamie drained the rest of his coffee and stood up to take their plates to the sink. Claire walked with him to help clean up breakfast.

"I'll clean up. My train isn't until 1 so I'll do it after you two leave. Come to bed please." John grabbed their hands and walked backwards.

They didn't speak of it but they knew John needed a little extra love before they all headed out since he'd be alone for the next week. So without any plan at all John was in the middle. He was on all fours with Jamie behind him, he pulled Claire to him and slowly pushed into her with a quiet groan. Jamie grabbed his hips to still him after a few thrusts so he could slide into him. John tried to push back onto Jamie but slid out of Claire in the process. She whined and scooted down a bit to get him back.

"Ye must stay still man, let me do it." Jamie kept a hand on John's hip to remind him to stay still while Claire reached down and placed him back at her entrance. When Jamie pushed back into John it caused John to slide into Claire. Jamie grabbed one of Claire's ankles and pulled it up to wrap around John's waist so she could hold onto him better. Claire rubbed John's back as he nuzzled into her neck. He let go completely and she was his anchor as Jamie sped up his thrusts. It didn't take long for John to come, Jamie continued thrusting a few times before John was oversensitive and he pulled out. John rolled to the side of Claire so he was still in reach and Claire tossed Jamie the baby wipes so he could have her next.

He crawled up Claire's body and kissed her, she had a hand in John's hair and one on Jamie's lower back. He wasted no time and pushed into her and began pumping into her. She cried out and John chuckled. John had his hand rubbing Jamie's back and was kissing Claire's neck. Jamie sat back on his heels and pulled Claire up holding her to him by her shoulders. John went behind her and pushed two lubed fingers into her ass and sent her spiraling, she bit down on Jamie's shoulder and he cried out and came hard. They were breathing heavy and Claire kissed the bite mark she left on his shoulder before leaning back against John and kissing his cheek. He helped her off Jamie and they all collapsed onto the bed in a heap of limbs.

They took turns taking showers and getting dressed, they didn't have time for another round. Claire ended up helping John clean up and make sandwiches before it was time for them to go.

Jamie and Claire gave John a hug and deep kisses before heading to Claire's dorm. Jamie took her two boxes down to his car while she carried her laptop and duffle bag of clothes. They got back in the car and headed to Jamie's house. Claire was clearly nervous about meeting Rabbie so Jamie rested his hand on her knee as it jostled up and down.

"He's not going to bite ye, Sassenach. Ye have nae reason to be worried." He chuckled and adjusted the heat in the car a bit.

"I know. I've never met family. I barely remember my own family. I'm an orphan and you have 12 brothers and sisters and 42 nieces and nephews for crying out loud."

"Och, I have 1 sister and 2 brothers. I also only have 3 nephews and 2 nieces. Ye have nothing to worry about. My mam will probably smother ye when we get there and ye can escape to the cabin after dinner. Have ye thought about where ye are going to live for next semester?"

"I was thinking about asking my boss if I could stay above the shop again. Louise said she might be moving out when we were at lunch the other day. I'd need to talk to John though and I don't know how you'd feel about that. I don't want John living alone."

"Let's leave yer boxes here for now and we'll sort everything out when we see John after Christmas." Jamie pulled up next to his building and parked his car before running around to the back to get her boxes. He handed her the keys so she could unlock the door and he set them in his room before he turned around and thoroughly kissed her. His hands started to sneak up her shirt and she slapped his hands away.

"No, we don't have time for that and your brother is here!" Claire pulled out of his grasp and sat on his bed while he packed. She pulled up an old playlist and picked The Reason by Hoobastank before she put her earbuds in and closed her eyes. She took deep breaths and just melted into the song oblivious of what was going on around her.

“Whatcha listenin to, Sassenach?” He pulled her down the bed and helped her stand. She put an ear bud in his ear and started the song over. He held her close and listened with her before he whispered into her other ear. “Ye dinna have to be perfect for us, ye just have to be willing to share yer burdens. We love ye.”

“I love you,” she said quietly in his ear before kissing his neck. “I’m sorry I hurt you before.”

“I ken that, but ye are here now and that’s what matters.”

“So ye are the lucky lass that pinned this one down?” Rabbie was leaning against Jamie’s open door with a smug look on his face. “She’s bonny, Jamie. Never did I think ye would stop sowing yer wee oats long enough to bag someone like her.”

“Shut yer gob or I’ll tell Mam all about yer oat sowing here.” Jamie grumbled and grabbed his bag while he pulled Claire out of the room.

Claire put her earbuds back in her pocket and shook Rabbie’s hand. “Doesn’t your mum know he’s bound to get into trouble living with you,” she said to Jamie.

Rabbie cackled, “takin the piss out of ye already? I like her. John’s too nice to you.”

Jamie made a Scottish noise of disapproval and went to the car with Claire in tow. He tossed his bag in the boot with Claire’s and climbed in still grumbling.

The ride north went by fast with Rabbie and Claire teasing Jamie incessantly the entire time. The closer they got to Lallybroch though the more nervous Claire got, Jamie had his hand on her knee and she twined their hands together. She missed Johns presence already and sent him a message in their group chat.

Claire: I miss you John.  
John: I miss you both. It’s only a week though. I demand pictures however.

Claire leaned close to the window and took a picture of Jamie driving then another of the landscape and sent them to him.

John: I meant of you both but that will do for now.  
Claire: We love you.  
John: I love you both.

She wrapped her hand back in Jamie’s and he pulled it to his mouth to kiss the back of it and gave her a squeeze. “It’ll go quick, Sassenach. Dinna fash.”

They pulled into the courtyard of a large 3 story manor house and Rabbie dashed out of the car before Jamie went around to help Claire out. He held her hand as they climbed the front stairs and were greeted by a beautiful, tall red and white haired woman. She pulled Jamie in for a hug quickly and kissed his cheek. _“Ceud mìle fàilte, mo nighean,”_ she said as she wrapped Claire in a warm hug.

Jamie looked a little taken aback by what she said and Claire gave him a look of confusion. “Mam this is Claire. Claire this my mam, Ellen.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Fraser,” Claire said while Jamie wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Och, please call me Ellen or Mam. Come in, come in.” She stepped aside and helped them out of their coats before guiding them into the sitting room that was filled with people. Rabbie was already seated on the floor playing marbles with two boys that jumped up and ran to Jamie.

Jamie picked them both up and hugged them tight, “ye have gotten so big, laddies!” He turned towards Claire lifting one child up a bit, “this is wee Willie named after his da over there,” Jamie pointed to his older brother.

“Hullo,” he said as he reached over to get Willie from Jamie, “nice to meet ye.” They shook hands and he introduced his wife Mary who was friendly enough and holding a wee lass named Ellen.

Jamie hoisted the other child a bit higher, “this is wee Jamie my namesake and his ma is my sister Jennie.” A small, dark haired woman stood up and looked Claire up and down before snatching wee Jamie away from his uncle. Jamie glared at her before he put a hand on the small of Claire’s back. “This is Ian, her husband and my best friend.”

Ian swatted Claire’s outstretched hand away and gave her a bear hug, Claire’s eyes went wide in shock, “it’s nice to meet ye. I’ve heard a lot about ye, ye have made him very happy.”

Claire couldn’t help the giant grin that spread over her face, “he’s made me very happy as well.” She curled more into Jamie as he guided her to an older man with black and grey hair sitting in an oversized chair with a baby girl in his lap.

“This is my da, Brian, and my wee niece Maggie.”

“I’d get up to give ye a proper hug but this wee lass just fell asleep and her mam will kill me if I woke her up. _Ceud mìle fàilte, mo nighean.”_

It was the second time it had been said to her but she still had no idea what it meant. She realized Jenny was now glaring daggers at her and Mary had let out a haughty snort at the same time. Jamie leaned down to her ear, “I’ll tell ye what it means later, Sassenach. Ignore them please.”

Claire nodded and tried her best not to get overwhelmed. “Where’s the loo?” Jamie told her where it was and she escaped before her breathing started to quicken. She stood at the sink for a while gripping the side and trying to ground herself.

She whispered to herself the steps, “4 things I see: Floral wallpaper. Green hand towels. Light blue shower curtain. White toilet. 3 things I can touch: Soft hand towels. Cold water. Hard counter. 2 things I can smell: Rose soap. Lavender hand lotion. 1 thing I can taste: Mint toothpaste.”

Her breathing went back down and she felt herself again. She splashed cold water on her face and neck then dried herself off with the towel before rubbing the lotion onto her hands. She forgot lavender helped panic attacks.

She quietly slipped out of the bathroom and followed her nose to the kitchen. Ellen was standing in there by herself buttering bread. “May I help with anything?” She asked quietly.

“Of course, would ye like to make the salad?” Ellen’s eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, more concentration than was needed for her task.

“Are you alright?” Claire asked as she went to the sink to wash her hands again to get the lotion off.

“I’m sorry for the way Jenny is being, she’s very protective of Jamie but he also never understood how he is.”

“I understand. Honestly, I’m sorry for any trouble my being here has caused. I know it was last minute and must have disrupted your plans.” Claire started pulling the lettuce apart, grating carrots, and chopping purple onions.

Ellen popped the bread into the oven and turned to Claire, “dinna fash, she’ll get over herself or she’ll go home. That’s all there is to it. I just dinna want ye to take it personally.”

They heard shouting from the other room, Jenny and Jamie were at each other’s throats. Ellen bustled out of the room and shooed the children upstairs. Mary took the babies and followed them to the nursery. Claire stayed in the kitchen until she heard Jenny shout something about ‘that unstable hoor not being allowed to touch my bairns’. She went out the back door of the kitchen and into the night.

She ran until she couldn’t anymore, she was in the woods and could hear water rushing over rocks. She followed the sound until she found a small stream and she sat down next to it. It was freezing outside without her jacket but she didn’t care, it meant she could feel something at least. She stuck her hand in the cold water and relished the pain it brought. She didn’t realize she was crying until the wind stung her face. She sunk down to the ground and pulled her knees up to her chest. She was an idiot for coming here, how could she even think that they’d accept her and their relationship.

She sobbed for a long time and must have dozed off because she was woken up by her phone ringing. She reached into her back pocket and it was Jamie. She pushed ignore and pulled up her texts, there were several from Jamie and John. Mostly them asking if she was okay, Jamie filling John in on the events of the evening, them asking where she was, them being frantic about her not responding.

Claire: I’m by a stream. I dozed off.  
John: I’m coming up, this is unacceptable. We never should have split this holiday. My stepdads an asshole anyway.  
Claire: No it’s fine. I’m fine. You need to be with your family. I’ll just stick to the cabin for the most part.

She heard a rustling behind her and Jamie bounded out of the bushes. He ran towards her with her coat and a tartan.

“Sassenach, ye cannae run off like that. Ye tore my guts out. Let’s get ye to the cabin and warmed up.” He pulled out his phone and typed out a mass text saying he found her and they were going to the cabin. She was shivering and so he picked her up and carried her away from the glade.

They didn’t speak until they got to the cabin. Jamie took her straight to the fireplace and set her in a chair while he started a fire. He went into the kitchen and started boiling some water then went into the bathroom to start a hot bath for her. When the kettle whistled he made her a hot toddy and took it to the bathroom. He carried her inside and helped her shed her clothes, her teeth still chattering away. She slid into the water and then he undressed and climbed in behind her. He gathered her up and held her quietly.

“Claire, I’m sae sorry. I dinna ken what ye heard but she was out of line.” Jamie said into her hair.

“I know she doesn’t know me and I’m sorry for causing this fight.”

“Ye didna cause this fight, _mo chridhe.”_

“Your mum and dad seem to be understanding as are your brothers. I don’t understand why she’s so upset about it.”

Jamie took a deep breath and settled in, “it’s not even about ye, she’s upset with our mam and da. They told her something she didna ken and feels like they lied to her.”

Claire looked up at him confused, “I don’t understand.”

“They’re like us but they kept it secret from us. Willie and Rabbie arena my da’s sons but my godfather’s. The three of them have been together as a threesome since my mam and da were wed. Willie, Rabbie, and I have almost always kent about it but Jenny has refused to see it. The three of use saw the stolen kisses and the way they were with each other but Jenny didna want it to be true so she blocked it out. They finally sat her down and made her see it. Ian’s kent since we were lads when we caught them in the hayloft once.”

Claire’s eyes were huge and she let out a giant laugh that she had no idea she needed to let out. “You’re kidding me.”

Jamie just chuckled and shook his head. Claire leaned back and kissed his cheek. “You’re just a ball of secrets. Does John know?”

“My godfather wanted to tell him and my mam wanted to tell ye but she said I could. Ye will meet him tomorrow. Come on let’s get out and get some food in ye.”

They climbed out of the tub and pulled on robes before going into the kitchen. There was a basket of food on the table and their bags were on the couch, Rabbie must have brought them inside while they were in the bathroom. Claire grabbed the basket and took it to the fireplace. She laid out the plaid Jamie had wrapped around her earlier and laid the food out like a picnic.

Jamie grabbed a bottle of whisky, two glasses, and his phone. He propped his phone on the chair and tried to video call John but he didn’t answer. He let out a sigh and sat next to Claire to eat. The food was delicious; a roast lamb with potatoes and carrots. They were almost done when there was a knock at the door. Claire looked at Jamie who shrugged and got up to answer it.

Jamie pulled open the door and gasped. Claire looked over and quickly ran over. There was John. They all felt a weight lift off them as he was pulled in and fell into their arms.

“How did ye get here so fast, _mo ghaol?”_ Jamie pulled back from their hug.

“I got off at the first stop and caught the first train to Inverness. I couldn’t do it. I felt like I was going to be sick the farther I got from you both.” John pulled them tighter to him.

“You have no idea how happy I am you are here. It felt like a piece of my heart was missing.” Claire said and then pulled him in for a kiss, she sucked his bottom lip and started to unbutton his shirt.

Jamie removed John’s pants and then guided them all to the couch. John untied Claire’s robe and let it fall to the ground. Jamie picked her up and set her on the back of the couch and took a breast in his mouth. He sucked and nipped at her nipple and John leaned over and took the other in his mouth. Claire let out a desperate, “please,” but neither moved to touch her where she needed it.

“What do ye need, Sassenach? Say it.”

“Fuck me. Claim me. Own me. Please.” She groaned out and Jamie kissed down her belly to her dripping core. He immediately took her clit in his mouth and sucked hard while John pushed two fingers inside her. “More. Please!”

Jamie pulled away and removed his robe. He stood up and pulled Claire to him, wrapping her legs around him and burying himself inside her with one thrust. “John, the lube is in my bag right there.” John opened the side pocket and pulled it out. He rubbed some on his fingers and pushed into Claire’s ass. Jamie bounced her up and down a few times and then John rubbed lube on his cock and pushed into Claire. She was pinned between them and she was so grateful they were as tall as they were. She relaxed into Johns chest and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned forward so he could kiss Jamie, pushing himself farther into Claire. Jamie continued bouncing Claire, they were always buried in her together. She screamed out when John pinched her nipples and pushed her over the edge.

Jamie kept up her bouncing until he came and then slid out of her but kept her in a good place for John to take what he needed. Jamie reached down and rubbed Claire’s clit hard pushing her into a second orgasm that pulled John over too. They all collapsed onto the couch afterwards and snuggled close together.

When their breathing had all settled they stumbled into the bedroom, they took their time loving each other this time. The frantic rush was satisfied earlier. They wrapped around each other slowly, Jamie taking John’s cock into his mouth, John licking Claire’s cunt, and Claire sucking Jamie. Hands were everywhere and when they were close they’d slow down before starting over again to work each other close to the edge again.

Eventually they shifted and Claire sank down onto John with Jamie already in her ass. They had grabbed plugs so she wasn’t the only one stuffed this time. Hardly anyone was going to last long and no one really had the wherewithal to keep it going anyway. They’d all been edged to near madness. Jamie and John helped Claire ride them, she rotated her hips back and forth while they were both buried to the hilt inside her. There were so many sounds leaving them all from squeaks to groans, growls to moans. The slow love making pushed them all over close together. They fell asleep in a heap of limbs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Ceud mìle fàilte, mo nighean_ | A hundred thousand welcomes, daughter. (Standard Scottish greeting.)  
>  _mo chridhe_ | My heart  
>  _mo ghaol_ | My love  
> __  
> I'm well aware that people might be up in arms about the Murtagh, Brian, Ellen twist. I give zero fucks and you can move along.


	11. I’m Burning Like a Bridge For Your Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian, Ellen, and Murtagh visit to discuss Jenny’s behavior. Jenny continues to be a dick. John, Jamie, and Claire come to an agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have opened this story up to non-registered users.
> 
> I am fairly confident that we have one more chapter left in this arc but I’ve said that before.
> 
> I have been listening to way too much early 2000s emo hence the chapter title.

The next morning Claire woke up wrapped around John; their bed desperately cold. Jamie was already up and gone, which explained the lack of warmth between them. She cuddled as close as she could to John and kissed his neck. He blinked his eyes open and kissed her forehead.

“Good morning, love. Why is it so bloody cold?” John whined.

“Our heater left.” Claire grumbled. 

“Mmm, probably went to go help with morning chores. Let’s get up, start a fire, and make breakfast. He’ll come back when he’s done.” John quickly got out of bed and grabbed his pajamas from his bag as well as a pair of house slippers left out. He tossed the other pair at Claire who grunted at him but got up as well.

John started a fire in the main room while Claire went into the kitchen to start coffee and see what they could make for food. They didn’t talk much as they worked side by side; already used to cooking together at home, they didn’t have to ask for things.

Claire handed him bacon, eggs, milk, and cheese. He handed her a pot off of the pegboard above the stove to start porridge. When the coffee was ready she made both of them cups and shared a kiss when she gave him his. When the cheese and bacon omelets were almost ready she toasted some bread and finished the porridge. They heard stomping outside so Claire made an extra cup of coffee for Jamie and set the table.

Jamie opened the door and kicked the snow off his boots and a dark-haired man with a thick beard walked in behind him. They removed their boots and Jamie went to the kitchen to give each of his loves a good morning kiss.

“Claire, this is my godfather I told ye about last night. Murtagh, this is our girlfriend Claire.” Jamie beamed with pride and John had a somewhat confused and terrified look on his face.

“It’s nice to meet ye lass.” Murtagh scooped Claire into a giant bear hug and she stared at Jamie with wide eyes.

“Are you hungry Murtagh?” John asked, going back to the fridge to start another omelet.

“I already ate at the house earlier. I just wanted to come and meet Claire since we’ve heard so much about her. I also needed to—“ 

Murtagh was interrupted by a knock. Jamie went to the door and opened it to find his parents there. They gave each other hugs and pulled chairs around the table. John was still confused and hesitantly sat down across from Claire and next to Jamie.

“Please eat. We saw the smoke and we wanted to come by to talk everything through.” Ellen said as she settled between Brian and Murtagh.

“Would you like some coffee or porridge?” Claire asked as she stood up again.

Brian stood, “Aye, I’ll get it though. Please sit and eat.” He went to the coffee pot to pour them each a cup.

“I’m so sorry for last night, Claire. Jenny had no right to speak about ye the way that she did. She’s sore about everything and taking it out on Jamie.” Ellen said as she reached across the table, rubbing Claire’s hand.

“After Jamie explained everything, I understood it more. I know it’s not about me and I understand the secrecy, but of all people did you think John and I wouldn’t understand?”

“Excuse me, but I’m missing something,” John finally said, “I know what Jenny said, but why is Murtagh here and what the hell is going on?!” This outburst reminded everyone else that he hadn’t been told about Brian, Ellen, and Murtagh.

“We assumed Jamie would have told ye last night when ye got in, mo mac.” Murtagh said while glaring at Jamie.

Jamie’s spoon was halfway to his mouth and he looked up sheepishly, “Weeell, ye see we didna exactly do a lot of talking last night when John got in. Claire needed… _attention_.”

Claire elbowed Jamie in the side and whispered, “are you seriously blaming me for forgetting to tell John? You have literally had years to tell him.”

“It wasna really relevant information before now. He didna need to ken about my parents sex lives. Ifrinn, _I_ dinna even wanna ken about this but here we are!”

John piped in.“Hello, right here darlings. I think someone should explain before I lose my shit.” 

Jamie looked towards the other end of the table at his three parents, hoping they would take the lead. They just stared back at him, smiling.

“Ye’re gonna make me tell him? Fine.” Jamie took a deep breath and grabbed John’s hand while Claire grabbed the other. “Before Mam and Da got married they were all handfast with Murtagh. He is Willie and Rabbie’s Da biologically, but Da is mine and Jenny’s. Everyone but Jenny knew about it until recently. When she was told about us, she shot her mouth off leading Mam to tell her. We all thought she already kent about it since it’s not exactly a well-kept secret in the family.”

John’s brow was furrowed in confusion and then slowly things clicked into place, “Your room is across from the Laird’s room so you can go across the hall at night. You have always been in every family picture planted right next to Ellen with the children in front of their biological fathers. The eyes are the only giveaway. Willie and Jamie have the same hair but not the eye shape, that’s just for Jenny and Jamie. How did I not realize this before now? Why did you not tell me before now?!” John was mad, “This whole time we could’ve been getting advice from a throuple that’s managed to keep it together for literally decades! Trying to figure this out on our own has been a massive struggle and you didn’t think to tell us about all of this Jamie?!”

“I didna think about asking them for advice, to be honest, I was trying to juggle too much - it never even crossed my mind. John, I ken ye’re upset but this wasna mine to tell. Da and Murtagh wanted to tell ye when ye came for Hogmanay but Jenny fucked that up last night.”

“You think we _also_ haven’t been juggling too much? Claire has to deal with _us_ and she could have leaned on your Mum to help her! You also let her come here already knowing that Jenny wasn’t coping well. I could have used any advice from them before I almost walked into the lion’s den of my family. You _know_ they won’t understand us.” John was calmer but still sounded hurt.

Ellen cleared her throat, “Listen, I ken ye’re confused but honestly he didna tell ye because we asked him not to. We wanted to be together to tell ye and yes, we should have handled it better but never in a million years did we expect any of our children to turn out like _us._ ” She was fighting back tears now. Brian and Murtagh each laid a hand on her lap above her own, lending her their strength. “It’s hard. We built our house out here because we kent that no one would understand. We protected our family and especially Murtagh as much as we could and yeah, some of that protection carried over to ye two because we didna ken Claire at all yet.”

John had tears in his eyes, holding tight to Jamie and Claire’s hands, “I know it’s hard Ellen. It’s _still_ hard even with today’s acceptance of the LGBT+ community, but why not tell me? You know I would have kept your secret. Hell, I’ve worked at a kink club with your son for 3 years. I think I can keep a secret.”

Jamie choked on his food and Murtagh spit his coffee all over the table.

John realized what he had said too late.

“Ye _what?_!” Brian roared, standing up. 

“Da, let me explain.” Jamie got up and moved towards his father. “It’s not what ye think it is, it’s just a club that caters to a rougher crowd. I just keep an eye on everything and John does too when he isna dancing. We’ve done some exhibitions there with John’s roommate, but it isna a bad place.”

Brian started calming down, “We’ll have to have a more in depth discussion later. Alone. Just please tell me Rabbie isna working there too?”

“Of course not, he thinks I work the front desk at the tattoo shop above it. That’s how I found the place at least, I was getting a piercing and the piercer mentioned it.”

Ellen glared daggers at Jamie, “Ye have had her lip pierced since ye were 18, I took ye to Inverness myself to get it, yer ears have been pierced since ye were 15, so what exactly were ye getting pierced Jamie!?”

It was Claire’s turn to look away from everyone so they wouldn’t see the blush slowly creeping up her neck. John kicked her under the table. She grabbed her shin and glared at him.

“Mam, there’s a lot ye dinna ken. I’m not a lad anymore and ye dinna need to ken everything about me.”

“I need to go process this. I ken ye aren’t a child anymore but sometimes it’s hard to see yer bairns grow up. I trust ye to make good decisions, but sometimes it’s hard. I am not even going to try to understand this. Just- Please join us at the house for lunch. Jenny willna be attending today.” Ellen turned to John, her angered expression melting into one of tired love, “Welcome to the family officially John.” Ellen walked over to him and gave him a hug. Silently, Murtagh and Brian followed suit before they all left.

John, Claire, and Jamie all collapsed into their chairs with big sighs. Claire started to giggle. It turned into a snort which caused her to giggle more. Tears were streaming down her face, the boys just stared at her.

“She’s lost it, I think.” Jamie said. 

“Well, it’s your crazy family’s fault. Jesus Christ, what a fucking morning. Who wants whisky?” John stood up and grabbed the bottle above the mantle in the main room before pouring a healthy shot into his coffee. Claire pushed her cup towards him and he started to pour but she tipped the bottom of the bottle higher so she could have a much healthier dose. He poured some into Jamie’s cup and then sat back down to drink. “I’m so sorry I said that about the club. I wasn’t thinking.”

Jamie grabbed John’s hand, “Dinna fash, they’ll get over it. Everyone but Jenny is going to be at lunch and I’ll go see her eventually to fix things with her.”Jamie finished his drink, “I’ll clean up so ye two can relax a bit.”

John and Claire took turns taking showers. Claire curled up by the fire with a textbook while John and Jamie played chess on the coffee table. Lunch with the Fraser family was pleasant; there were questions about Claire’s school and work but nothing too intrusive. 

She helped clean up afterwards and settled in for a cup of tea with Ellen and Mary in the kitchen. All of them were laughing together over a story of Jamie losing two teeth to a football to the face and how proud he’d been when the back door swung open and in walked Jenny - all fury and attitude.

Jenny stopped when she saw them sitting there and scoffed. “Are ye trying to recruit _Mary_ into yer lifestyle now?”

“Janet Fraser.” Ellen kept her voice calm, but it was full of venom. Jenny stopped moving and her face fell; she hadn’t heard her mother use that tone of voice with her since she was a bairn. “I ken ye’re pissed and feel betrayed, but I willna put up with ye being rude for one more minute in this house.”

Jenny shook her head, “I just dinna ken how both of ye got caught up in this. Ye’re so smart mam, why have ye put up with having two husbands to pull ye and want ye and need ye all at the same time. I dinna ken Claire well enough to say the same about her, but she seems like a smart lass. I mean, how did ye get dragged into this?”

Claire decided to be honest with her, “I can’t speak for your Mum but I wasn’t dragged into anything. Jamie is rash and passionate; John is a soothing balm. They balance each other out. I can’t imagine being with one and not the other. They have made me feel more whole than I have ever felt in my life.”

“So ye’re just in it for the sex? Ye like being fucked hard lik-“ Jenny didn’t get the chance to finish that sentence as just then, Brian came storming in from the dining room.

“Janet? Outside. Now.” He grabbed her arm and pointed her towards the back door. 

Ellen started to apologize, but Claire didn’t hear it; her breathing was coming hard and fast. She heard the roughness of Brian’s voice yelling at Jenny, the scrape of a chair, the pounding of feet, and her body hitting the floor as she blacked out.

\----

She woke some time later, wrapped in a blanket, laying on Jamie and John in the Fraser’s sitting room. One of John’s hands was stroking the hair out of her face while Jamie was rubbing patterns on her calves. She blinked up at John and sighed.

John leaned down, kissed her forehead, and whispered, “Hello, darling.”

Claire sat up and they squished her between the two of them. She kissed their cheeks and laid her head on the back of the couch. “I’m so sorry.”

Jamie reached over and pulled her chin so she was looking at him, “Dinna ever apologize about this. This was not yer fault at all.” He leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss. “Let’s go back to the cabin.”

John stood, helping Claire up while Jamie went to tell his parents they’d be back in a few days - that they needed time together. He did, however, say he’d see the men at the barn in the morning for chores. They bundled up and headed outside with a basket of food from Ellen and a bottle of whisky from Murtagh. They held hands and walked slowly, enjoying the cold night air.

Claire was still lost in thought when they reached the cabin, “Jenny said I was only in this for the sex, that I just like to be fucked hard; that’s when Brian came in; I have no clue what else she was going to say.” She took off her coat and scarf and hung them up before helping John with his. 

Jamie made a Scottish noise of frustration and put the basket on the table. “Jenny had no right to speak to ye that way. Ye dinna have to talk about this, Sassenach. I dinna want ye upset again.”

“I know I don’t need to, Jamie, but it just made me think. We started because of the sex - the need for each other. We’ve barely gone a few days without some form of intimacy for the past 2 months. We rarely even leave the apartment and I love the nights when we cook together and talk into the late hours of the morning but what are we doing to normalize this?”

John poured them each a glass of whisky and Jamie lit another fire. Handing Claire her whiskey, John asked, “What do you mean, darling?” 

“Jamie’s parents built their house here because they didn’t feel like they’d be accepted. They hid their love from everyone, even their own _children_ and I don’t want that. If we have children I want them to call both of you Dad, I want it to be normal to climb in bed with all three of us when they have nightmares, I don’t want another generation to go by and this to still be taboo. Jenny thinks that it’s a kink but it’s so much _more_ than that. It’s a life, a love, and a home. We need to go on dates, have people over for dinner parties, and truly be seen as a throuple. We don’t always have to sleep in the same bed, we don’t have to have sex every day or even every week, but we need to make sure we’re taking the big steps and making the big decisions _together_. We need to show the world that we’re adults and we make our own choices - that I choose to be here, to be with you both. Not because I like to be fucked hard or to feel completely used; I choose it because I love you and I couldn’t imagine my life without either of you.”

“Wait, ye like it when we fuck you into incoherence?” Jamie asked, his eyebrow quirked up with that ridiculous smirk on his face.

John gave him a withering look.“For god’s sake Jamie, did you only hear the words fucked, hard, and used?” 

“Of course not, but I’m not going to let my sister’s precious feelings prevent me from being with ye or doin what I like. It’s not her relationship. I’ll take ye both on as many dates as ye want. We can move in together when we get back, though I’m bringing my own bed since yers is too small John. No one is going to tell us that what we feel is wrong. I do, however, plan on fucking ye both hard and using ye both tonight.”

The contemplative look on Claire’s face worried John a bit, “Darling, what is it?”

“I just realized that, since we started, all of this has been on _my_ terms and what _I’m_ comfortable with. I blocked all BDSM practices even though that’s a huge part of you both. I’m just thinking about how I’m preventing you from being who you really want to be, and I really don’t want that. So, I’m willing to reopen that possibility for us. I just need communication. What would you want to do?”

Jamie stood up and paced around the living room. “I would verra much like to tie ye down and get ye right to the edge until ye beg us to fuck you. I would also very much like to take ye against a tree after I’ve chased ye through the woods. I’d like to watch John tie ye up with his complicated knots crossing over your body. I’d like to spank ye until her arse is red and raw. I’d like to watch ye try and do housework with a toy inside ye and me in control. I want to make ye watch John and I fuck with a wee toy shoved up yer arse and no way to make yerself come. I could go on.”

Claire and John were both shocked. “I see you haven’t thought about that much.” Claire laughed heartily and Jamie’s eyes snapped to her.

“Claire, I havena stopped thinking about the things I’d make ye do since ye ran away from me at the club.” Jamie walked behind the couch and her eyes followed him, but she didn’t turn to look at him. She felt him behind her and then he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Then _this_ all started and the thoughts I’ve had of watching him take ye hard,” his tongue traced her ear, “with his hands pulling yer hair,” a hand grabbed her hair and pulled her head back to look at him above her, “and his hands wrapped around yer beautiful throat—“ One finger traced her carotid artery and lightly pressed on it, “— they consumed me.”

Claire was panting by the time he was done. John had moved closer to her and was looking up at Jamie. Jamie ghosted Claire’s lip and moved to John and kissed him hard. “Make her come undone, John.”

“Yes, sir.” John said quietly as he reached for her. 

He undressed her quickly and trailed kisses down her body. He stopped briefly at her breasts, biting and sucking before he continued farther down. Jamie got undressed and sat down in the chair by the fire, one hand on his cock slowly stroking himself - his eyes were dark with desire. Claire watched him for a time before the pressure from John’s mouth on her clit had her closing her eyes. He pushed two fingers into her and a moan escaped her lips. The heat in her belly was stretching up her spine and right as she was about to be pushed over, John pulled away. Claire’s eyes shot open and he had a devious glint in his eye. Jamie was openly laughing at her.

“Again,” Jamie commanded. John moved back to his task, bringing her to the edge, not letting her fall, letting her calm, and then doing it all over again until Jamie told him to stop. “Take her to the bedroom and bring your belt.” Jamie walked to the coat stand and grabbed their scarves before getting his own belt from his pile of clothes by the chair. He entered the bedroom right as John was laying her on the bed. Jamie sat her up and tied two scarves around her wrists and then to the headboard, he pushed her legs apart and said, “Dinna move.” He turned to John and nodded. John moved to Claire to continue his work. He brought her to the edge three more times and had her begging for release. She only moved her legs twice, the first time Jamie gently moved it back, the second time he popped her thigh with the belt and she got the message.

Jamie grabbed John and flipped him over to kiss him while staring at Claire. She tugged on the scarves but they had little slack. She wanted to reach out to them. Jamie reached over, grabbed the lube and started to open John up as he took his cock in his mouth. John was leaning against Claire’s chest and nuzzling her neck with nips and kisses.

“Jamie, you have to stop or I won’t last much longer.” John whimpered at him.

Jamie popped off and the sound seemed to echo around the room, even though it was already filled with quiet panting. He flipped John so he was on his knees, “Grab the headboard to hold yerself up.” 

Jamie rubbed some lube on himself and then pushed into John. He grabbed his hips, starting slow and shallow before speeding up and going deeper. 

John’s bouncing cock was right in front of Claire; it took some maneuvering, but she managed to get him into her mouth without her hands. As Jamie pushed into John it made John hit the back of her throat and she had to start timing her breathing. It didn’t take long for him to come in a long moan; she swallowed it down. 

Jamie pulled out and John practically collapsed onto Claire. Jamie patted his side and said, “Bring her back to the edge, I’ll be right back.”

Claire gave John a pleading look but John just kissed her heartily before trailing kisses and licks down to her breasts. He took one nipple into his mouth and she tried to grind against him. He released her nipple, “He’ll be back. We didn’t bring wipes so he has to clean himself, but if he catches you moving, he will completely deny you an orgasm. Trust me, you don’t want that.”

Claire sighed, tried to steady her breathing, and attempted to regain her composure with deep breaths as he continued down her torso and then to her center. She was aching with the need to come and it only took a few licks before he had to pull away again. When she calmed he latched onto her clit and sucked hard. She bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood and he pulled away again as she started to cry.

Jamie came back into the room and John kissed back up to her mouth. “Untie her,” Jamie said. He barely sounded like himself at this point. John reached up and untied her but she didn’t dare move.

Jamie crawled onto the bed, grabbed her by her legs, and turned her over. Claire’s head ended up arched over his shoulder as he pulled her flush with his chest. She could barely move her limbs from the exhaustion of being denied her pleasure over and over again, but she was held up by the force of Jamie’s muscular legs underneath her. Jamie pulled her up and Claire let out a long groan as he slowly and completely filled her.

He wasn’t gentle at all in the beginning like he had been with John; she was soaked and more than ready for him. He had one hand around her waist, keeping her close to his chest. Her head was lolled onto his shoulder and she tried to kiss his neck, but she wasn’t even capable of that small act as pleasure shot through her body. Her teeth grated against his throat with each thrust. John was rubbing her thighs and his touch was the only thing anchoring her until Jamie took his other hand and grabbed a hold of her throat to gently squeeze her arteries in time with his thrusts. Jamie nodded down to John who leaned in and sucked her clit hard so that she shattered around Jamie. Her orgasm pushed him into his own and he let go of her throat to thrust into her hard before they both fell to the bed.

John scooted close and rubbed her back until her breathing calmed and she started to fall asleep. John slipped away to clean himself up and got dressed before he started a bath for her and went to make tea as Jamie carried her to the tub. She sank down into the water with a sigh. Jamie kissed her forehead then cleaned up at the sink before going to get dressed himself. John brought her the tea and left her to her own devices before coming back later to help her out again. 

They all curled into bed together with Claire in the middle; she needed the most love tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my fantastic beta magpief7, this chapter was made infinitely better by her.
> 
> Thank you also to everyone commenting and the kudos, I’m awful at responding. I appreciate you all.


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